


Of Love and War

by lostg4ever



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Little bit of smut, Love, Multi, Romance, Slow Build, War, plenty of angst, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:03:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 45,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6111600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostg4ever/pseuds/lostg4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Clarke and Lexa can really communicate their feelings for one another, war breaks out.  Roan is following in his mother's footsteps and Pike is being Pike. There's a civil war, a sassy Raven, and cute clexa moments!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're Conflicted, Clarke

**Author's Note:**

> Italics = thoughts 
> 
> first 100 fic  
> all mistakes are my own  
> comments welcomed!

Lexa was laid out on a couch in the middle of the room supposedly reading one of her favorite books for the umpteenth time but in fact she was dozing off. Clarke was busily drawing her without Lexa noticing. She loved seeing Lexa like this - calm and peaceful. She looked so beautiful. But she always looked beautiful. Even when she's in her war paint and battle gear. But now, only Lexa was in the room. Heda was taking a break. This was the girl she had fallen in love with.

Clarke’s hand moved fast across the page. She traced over the curves of Lexa’s face in her mind before putting them on the sheet of paper. She drew her closed eyelids that protected her bright green eyes; the subtle arch of her cheeks; her perfect nose; her plump lips… Clarke’s heart skipped a beat. She wondered if Lexa knew she was staring at her perfect lips not that she didn't always stare at them… She loved Lexa but she couldn't afford to think of her in that way... not yet. At least that's what she told herself.

Lexa stirred in her sleep, her face showing signs of pain and distress. Her hands gripped tightly onto her book, crumpling the pages. Her body had tensed and she was mumbling something Clarke couldn't make out.

“Lexa?” Clarke spoke softly but loud enough to wake her. She didn't want Lexa's dream to get any worst. But Lexa didn't stir. She kept thrashing about on the couch. "Lexa! Wake up!"

Upon hearing her name, Lexa shot up with a start. She was dreaming about the commanders that came before her: their deaths, their anger at her. She had broken their ways when she commanded that blood must not have blood. They were warning her that something bad was coming. Something that required the old ways. Lexa rubbed her face and looked up at Clarke. The ambassador was looking at her with worry but her blue eyes filled Lexa with warmth, calming her.

“Yes Clarke?” Lexa broke the silence, trying to pretend she didn't just have a nightmare. Clarke, realizing Lexa didn't want to talk about it, played along. “Um, how long do you think this peace will last? This is so nice.” Clarke smiled and gesturing to Lexa's bedroom. She looked back down at her drawing, blushing, when she remembered that they were in fact in the Commander's chambers.. alone. Clarke wanted it to be like this all the time. She wanted to have lazy days with Lexa, to draw Lexa like this over and over again. She looked so content. Well minus the nightmare.

“I don’t know, Clarke," Lexa began. "But for everyone’s sake, I hope it’s for a long time. I’ve grown to enjoy our little sessions too… me reading or sleeping... you drawing me in my sleep.” She flashed Clarke a tiny smile.

 _Damn._ Clarke thought and gave a little laugh. “I didn’t think you noticed that.”

“Of course I noticed. I notice everything about you, Clarke. You’re...special.”

Clarke’s heart skipped a beat again. _You’re special too, Lexa._ Clarke couldn’t speak her thoughts. She hadn't completely forgiven Lexa for leaving her at Mount Weather but she was starting too. “I could have been drawing anything else in this room, the hundreds of candles you always have burning or something from memory...like my father.” Clarke responded instead saying the Lexa's special too. She added that bit about her father to make it sound more believable.

Lexa didn't fall for it. “No. You had a particular look on you face. It’s that look that gave you away.”

“And what look is that?” Clarke asked curiously, really not knowing what Lexa was going to say.

Lexa hesitated. “You looked...happy but...conflicted. You always look at me like you want to say one thing but you say or do something else. Like I make you hesitant to speak what's on your mind."

Clarke didn’t respond, just looked down at her hands. Yes, she was conflicted and damn you Lexa for noticing. Lexa was an ass for leaving her on that mountain. She forced Clarke to make the worse decision she's ever had to make. She forced Clarke to have hundred's of people's blood on her hands... the blood of children. But on the other hand, Lexa was trying her best to make up for it. And she was just doing it to save hundreds of her people's lives. It was a hard decision but one Clarke might not have made. Clarke couldn't leave anyone behind. Especially the woman she loved. But the fact that they were in this room and not out on a battle field was a prime example of how bad Lexa wants Clarke's forgiveness . _Maybe she deserves some slack? Maybe I should give it to her?_

Without even thinking about it, Clarke stood and walked over to Lexa. She sat in front of Lexa’s legs on the couch, letting their bodies touch. Lexa was still stretch out, her head resting on a pillow. She looked very calm. Meanwhile, Clarke’s heart was racing. _What are you doing?! Go back and sit down on your own couch!_ But she was following her heart and not her head. She was acting on impulse. Clarke needed Lexa to understand that although Clarke was mad at her, that they would move past this. She just didn't have the courage to say it. So instead, Clarke leaned down and captured Lexa's beautiful lips with her own. It was gentle...experimental. Clarke felt a warmth spread through her and her heart begin to race. Meanwhile, Lexa was absolutely still and was holding her breath. She was afraid to move... afraid to breathe. She didn’t want to do anything that would scare Clarke away. She thought she had overstepped by speaking the truth to Clarke just now but it had been just what Clarke needed to hear and Lexa was thrilled but terrified. She had been waiting for this kiss for so long.

Clarke grazed her tongue across Lexa’s bottom lip. Lexa instantly parted her lips answering Clarke's unspoken question and that was all Clarke needed. Clarke deepened the kiss, nipping and sucking at Lexa’s lips greedily. She crashed her tongue against Lexa’s and grabbed a fistful of her hair to pull them closer together. Lexa let out a quiet moan and it sent shivers down Clarke’s spine. Both of their heads were spinning by how fast things were happening but neither one of them wanted it to stop. Lexa grabbed the back of Clarke's neck as she continued to kiss her skillfully and all Clarke could think of was Lexa’s hands roaming everywhere on her body. Clarke needed more. She bit down on Lexa’s bottom lip and then soothed the area with her tongue. She broke their kiss and kissed and licked along Lexa’s jaw line then down to her throat which made Lexa start to quietly pant and then excitement pooled between her legs. Lexa wanted this. She wanted all of Clarke. She had from the first time they met but she didn't want it like this. She didn't want Clarke in this way until she could have all of Clarke. She wanted Clarke's heart.

“Clarke.” Lexa managed to say in between her soft moans and building waves of pleasure. Clarke had begun to run her hands up Lexa's thighs.

"Hm?" Clarke hummed into the curve of Lexa's neck making Lexa grab onto Clarke's neck fiercely and pulling her closer. Lexa let out a loud moan and Clarke smiled. She had found one of Lexa's spots. 

 _What the hell are you doing. Get a hold of yourself. Make her understand this isn't right._ Lexa thought to herself. "Clarke...wait...Stop.” She managed to finally get out.

Clarke obeyed and quickly moved back. _You went too far! Dammit, Clarke!_ She pulled away from Lexa with an apologetic look on her face. “I’m sorry. I…I don’t know what got into me.” Clarke apologized as she stood up and started to walk back to her chair. But before she made it far, Lexa’s hand reached out and grabbed Clarke’s wrist firmly, stopping her.

“Clarke, hold on. Let’s just talked about this. The last time we kissed you told me you weren’t ready." Lexa swallowed and mustered up some courage. "Are you ready now?”

Clarke shook her head. “I don’t know Lexa. You’re right. I am really conflicted. I don’t know how I feel about you ever since you left me on the mountain. I don't know if I can trust you. Sometimes I really hate you for leaving but I do understand why you did it.”

Lexa slowly nodded. “And the other times? When you're not hating me?” She held her breath.

“The other times I –” Clarke was interrupted as one of Lexa’s guards and Titus burst into the room.

“Heda! Pardon the interruption." He shot Clarke annoyed look before continuing." But Skaikru and Ice Nation march on Polis!”

“What!” Clarke exclaimed. _This is not happening?! One week of peace and we're already back at war!_  

“Yes, it appears they are allies now and they want your head, Heda.” Titus exclaimed.

Lexa’s face instantly shifted back into commander mode: stoic and emotionless. She looked at Clarke and something Clarke couldn't read briefly flashed across her face before she said angrily, “Convene the war council. Now!”


	2. We Don't Need More War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to warn her people and find out why Roan all of a sudden has switched sides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.  
> Italics = Thoughts  
> Translations: 
> 
> Ai na nou tel em = I won't tell her  
> Osir nou gaf mou wor = we do not need more war  
> Ste klir = Be safe  
> Chit joken ste jus nou drein jus daun = what the fuck is (up with) blood must not have blood  
> Skaikru nou oso kru = sky people not our people  
> Hod op = wait  
> Mochof = thanks

“Lexa, what are you doing?” Clarke asked as soon as Titus left the room and they were alone again. “What happened to Blood Must Not Have Blood?”

“Clarke…” Lexa began. She looked as if she were going to say something else but instead said, “We should get ready for the council meeting.” She put back the book she was reading before she dozed off on the bookshelf in Clarke’s room, anticipating a stubborn reply from Clarke.

“No, Lexa. I’m not going until you give me an answer. Your legacy will be peace! Why change that now?”

 _There_ _it_ _is_. Lexa thought to herself. _Right_ _on_ _cue_.

“Because we aren’t talking about a few rouge group of Skaikru, Clarke. We are talking about the same rouge Skaikru plus Ice Nation! That is not a misunderstanding… it’s an act of war.” Lexa said sharply. She looked at Clarke who glared back at Lexa. She couldn’t argue with that but she firmly believed in her heart that war was not the answer.

“Why not just talk to them? It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“They have gathered forces and plan to march on Polis as we speak, Clarke. It does not make sense, that is true, but that is not our immediate concern. Right now we have to focus on coming up with a plan. We will get the answers you seek later.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and looked at the drawing of Lexa she was had yet to complete. _So much for more drawings like these._   _They were back at it again with_ _another war._ Clarke thought as she looked at the peaceful Lexa in her sketch. Now all she saw when she looked at the girl was the fierce Commander.

Lexa sighed and softened her expression upon seeing Clarke holding the drawing of her. Her thoughts floated back to moments before when they were kissing and touching on the couch. Before Titus has interrupted them with the worst news. Lexa blushed and heat gathered in her lower belly at the thought of Clarke’s soft lips against her own.

Clarke noticed Lexa blushing and smiled. “I’m thinking of it too.”

At that moment, Lexa longed to touch Clarke again. She stepped toward her, her eyes tracing the curves of Clarke’s lips, the subtle blush on her cheeks, her long golden locks framing her face… But then something in Lexa halted her steps. She remembered the message Titus had given them just now. The word “war” circled her thoughts and drowned out everything else…even Clarke. Her people come first.

Clarke noticed the change in Lexa’s expression. It was barely noticeable, just a flicker in her eyes really, but Clarke knew the look well. She was the Commander again. At least Clarke had managed to bring back Lexa, even if it was only for a moment.

In response, Clarke too shifted her demeanor to Ambassador. “We should go.” She said matter-of-factly. She let the drawing of Lexa fall to the chair nonchalantly. Lexa nodded and turned to go. She needed to put her war paint on before the meeting so she left without a word. Clarke followed shortly therefore. As she left her room and closed the door, the drawing slipped off the chair and landed on the floor. Clarke didn’t bother to pick it up when she returned to her room hours later.

The war council meeting went as expected. Delegates from the other clans had made backhanded remarks about Lexa’s compromised ability as Heda. But when they heard that there would be war, everyone quickly shut-up. Clarke on the other hand was disgusted. No one was happy unless they were fighting. It was savage. But Clarke voted in favor of gathering the armies and preparing for an attack. Clarke didn’t like it but she was no fool. Everyone agreed that going on the offense was best rather than waiting for Roan’s and Pike’s armies to attack. That way they could choose the battlefield and the method of attack. It was a solid plan but it gave Clarke a bad feeling. She couldn’t help but think that Pike and Roan had something up their sleeves. Why was Roan being disloyal? Lexa had taken care of everything: killed his mother, lifted his banishment, and made him king! What else did he want? She had to speak with him and with her mother before the attack was to take place. Lexa would never agree to it but Clarke didn’t care. This was her decision and in some way, her responsibility. No one else was going to do it but it had to be done. Negotiation should always be the first step in response to conflict, not war. It may not be the Grounder way but it should be and Clarke was determined to make it so. If she didn’t, life was going to be nothing but war after war until they were all dead.

As soon as she returned to her room, Clarke began planning her “escape.” She packed a bag and stashed as many knives as she could on her person – putting her favorite one in her right boot. After her time spent in the woods after the atrocity at Mount Weather, she had grown to love the feeling of a knife in her hand and preferred them to guns.

She packed enough dry food for six days which would give her enough time to get to Arkadia and then Ice Nation if she stayed off the beaten paths without stopping. She knew Lexa would send a team out to find her once she realized Clarke was missing. She also knew Lexa would know where to look so she had to be as discrete as possible.

Just as Clarke was about to leave she heard a knock at the door. A young girl named Sara peaked her head in the room. She was holding a woven basket full of clean clothes with some jars of bath oil resting on top. The girl was about twelve years old and was a sort of handmaiden to Clarke. She was there to assist Clarke with her daily routine, relight dim or burned out candles, wash and replenish her clothing, style her hair, help her dress for ceremonies, or do anything else Clarke required. She stared at Clarke, her gaze dropping from Clarke’s face to her packed bag.

“Wanheda?”

“Sara…hi.” For a second Clarke thought to reach for the knife tucked into her waist but then she came to her senses, remembering that Sara was just a child and that there was no need to threaten her. She could just talk her way out of this. “I was just…um…going for a walk.”

“At night, ma’am?” Sara asked suspiciously.

“Yes,” Clarke stated and grabbed onto her bag tighter. _Please just leave, please please please! Don’t tell Lexa_!

After a few intense moments, Sara stepped aside to let Clarke pass. She looked at Clarke knowingly and bowed her head. Clarke hesitated before leaving. _What’s_ _she_ _up_ _to_?

“Mochof.” Clarke said as she walked toward the door.

“Ai na nou tel em,” Sara spoke softly as Clarke passed her. “Osir nou gaf mou wor.”

Clarke stopped walking. Her eyes widened in fear but she nodded at Sara anyway. Lexa’s people did not want war any more than she did. Why couldn’t Lexa see that? Clarke flashed Sara a genuine smile. Yes! She’s not going to tell Lexa! But how did she know about the pending war? War council talks are supposed to be kept secret. She must have been snooping… good to know. At the realization of Sara, little hobby the image of the girl perched outside her room while her and Lexa laid on the couch filled her mind. No, she doesn’t know…does she? What if she saw?! Clarke thought back to her intimate kiss with Lexa. She shook the thought away, thought. She was just thankful that Sara knew more than she let on but know she had an ally.

“Ste klir,” Clarke said to the girl as she left.

“You too, Wanheda,” Sara called after her.

Clarke treaded as lightly as possible down the hall. She had to avoid passing Lexa’s room. Lexa would likely notice and so would he guards. But everyone else should be retiring to their rooms or already getting ready for bed so she wasn’t worried about them. Clarke wanted to at least make it out of the city by midnight. Traveling through the night would be dangerous but she had no other choice. She had a higher chance of running into someone during the day.

Clarke rounded a corner and bolted for the stairs. She would need to climb all the way down from the top floor without being noticed and head out the back entrance. She tucked her hair into her jacket and put on the hood to avoid notice.

When she reached the bottom floor, Clarke heard two men talking in a mixture of Trigedasleng and English.

“Heda has lost all respect from our people,” one of the guards said. “Chit joken ste jus nou drein jus daun?! The previous commanders would not have stood for that.”

“It’s because of Wanheda. She has Heda’s ear and tells her the ways of Skaikru nou oso kru.” The second guard replied.

“I’m just glad that phase is over.”

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you hear? We’re going to war with both Saikru and Azgeda. Scouts spotted them raising armies.”

“Oh…”

The two guards were silent for a bit after that. They were realizing the meaning of going to war with the most powerful clan and the sky people whose guns were no match for swords, bows, and arrows. They didn’t stand a chance.

Clarke saw the pause in their conversation as the perfect opportunity to walk pass them. Plus she had heard enough. Hearing them talk about Lexa like that made her blood boil. Clarke hid her face and took some clothes out of her bag to make it look like she was carrying them to be washed. She brushed past them as quickly as possible, accidently knocking into one.

“Hod op!” he called out. Clarke paused, not sure what to do. Her heart was racing. If they realized who she was, Lexa would be furious and Clarke wouldn’t get another opportunity to try and warn her people or negotiate a truce. Clarke reached for a knife.

“You dropped this,” the guard said kindly. Clarke released the knife’s hilt and rubbed her sweaty palms against her pants. Another close one. She turned around and saw the man holding up one of her shirt’s.

“Mochof!” She said quickly before grabbing it from the guard without showing her face and rushing off into the quiet night. She had made it out and was free… for now.


	3. She Sounds A Lot Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke heads to Arkadia while back in Polis, Lexa complains to an old friend about Clarke's stubbornness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone- I'm so so sorry for not updating sooner. THAT episode took away all my motivation to write. But I found some again so here's the 3rd chapter. It's much longer than the previous ones to make up for the wait. 
> 
> Also, I know that this is not how the conclave actually is on the show but I like this better cause everyone lives. 
> 
> * Warning * some violence in this chapter!! 
> 
> Translation:  
> Shof op! = Be quiet  
> Chil au. Nou get yu daun, ai badannes ste kamp raun ai Heda = Calm down. Don't worry, my allegiance is with the Commander.  
> Ai Laik Ranger kom Trigeda = I am Ranger of Trikru.

When news of Clarke’s “disappearance” reached Lexa, naturally, she was furious. Clarke had made her look weak by disobeying a direct order not to leave Polis. She had to tell her Generals that she allowed Clarke, as ambassador for Skaikru, to attempt to negotiate a truce with Skaikru and should it fail, the clans would go to war. But this was a lie. Lexa should have known that Clarke was going to do what she wanted regardless of Lexa’s concern. It’s part of what Lexa loved about Clarke but it also caused her the most headache. She couldn’t change the girl…wouldn’t try even if she could but she could complain.

“Why must she always disagree with me on what is best for her people. Are they not my people as well? It is infuriating,” Lexa complained to her closest friend and advisor, Luna.

Luna had been amongst the group of initiates at her conclave. The Flame had clearly chosen Lexa, shinning a bright, nearly blinding blue light when it was placed in her hand – the sign that she was the next commander, the spirt's vessel. When the Flame was placed in the other initiates’ hands, no reaction occurred. Usually the initiates would then become honored warriors for their clans and were welcomed to stay in Polis and continue training. But Luna was different. Luna had no desire for war or power. She was kind-natured and averse to violence. She was from further East where the boat clan lived. After the conclave, Luna spent much of her time in Polis teaching English to the warriors and advising Lexa on her duties as Commander. When she was not there, she back at home with her people. Because Luna was compassionate, thoughtful and ingenious, she always provided an alternative opinion compared to Titus who was more the ruthlessness and war-hungry. Lexa appreciated her for it. Lexa and Luna spent a great deal of time together and the Commander knew she could always come to her closest friend for anything.

Luna chuckled at Lexa’s frustration. The Commander was so easily influenced by Clarke that it was clear to Luna how much Lexa loved the blonde, even though Luna had never actually met her or watched them interact. She had been back home with her people when Clarke came to Polis. This was the first time Luna returned in months. It had been too long.

Luna walked over to where Lexa stood next to her war table. They were in the thrown room and Lexa had her warrior paint on. At first glance, she looked fierce and powerful but Luna was one of the few people who could easily see past Lexa’s façade. On the inside, Luna could tell Lexa was hurting. Lexa was absentmindedly moving the war pieces around the board while her thoughts drifted to Clarke. Despite her anger, she was also concerned. _Why must you put me in such a_ _position_ , Lexa thought. _Why must you put yourself in danger_.

“Clarke is a strong, determined leader,” Luna began as she crossed the room to stand next to her friend. “I am sure she understands where you are coming from but you must understand where she is coming from as well. Clarke’s actions are her own and if what you have told me is true, then she will do anything to keep her people safe. She does not have the same appreciation for your decisions as the rest of us. Honestly, she sounds a lot like you… very stubborn.”

Lexa let out a heavy sigh. Yes, Clarke was extremely stubborn. Lexa knew that the Clarke was just concerned for her people but Lexa was concerned for Clarke. Lexa stopped playing with the war pieces and finally looked up at Luna who had a soft smile on her face.

“I’m not stubborn. I’m the Commander. I have the right to stick by my decisions.” Lexa said, smirking slightly.

Luna laughed, “So does she.” Lexa rolled her eyes at this but it was true. Luna placed her hand on top of Lexa’s as soon as she saw her friend’s expression grow dark.

“She’s going to get herself killed,” Lexa said bitterly. She would never be able to live with that. 

“Send someone after her… Ranger or Cole.. even Indra,” Luna offered. “None of the horses are missing so she must have left on foot. If they go by horse, they will catch up with her before nightfall. Say they are scouts and no one will think they are going after Wanheda.”

Lexa nodded slowly. She could not just standby and do nothing. “Okay.” Lexa said definitively. Her face relaxed slightly. “What would I do without you?” Lexa asked.

Luna smiled. “You’d be force to listen to Titus.”

“Unfortunately, that is already my fate.” Lexa responded. “Though I never follow his advice.” She flashed Luna a small smile. The kind of smile that only Lexa could do. It was satisfying enough.

“Shall I summon one of them?”

“Yes. Send Ranger and Cole. We need Indra to stay here and secure the borders in case there is a surprise attack.”

“Sha, Head,” Luna responded and she briefly left the thrown room.

 _Clarke will not be pleased. But I cannot lose her… not again,_  Lexa thought as she took her place on the thrown to evaluate all her options for a defense.

* * *

Meanwhile, because Clarke had left Polis on foot, it was taking her a long time to get to Arkadia. She would not have time to turn North and seek out Roan. That might be a blessing. She had never been to Azgeda’s territory before and she had no idea if Roan would kill her at first sight. True he owed Lexa a favor for killing his mother and making him king, and by default, that favor would likely be not to kill Clarke, but that was still a risk. There was no reason for him to repay Lexa for anything if they were going to war.

Lexa was going to be furious. She may even come after her herself. Clarke could only hope that Lexa would understand. She was doing this for them both. If she could stop a war she would do it regardless of the consequences. And maybe after this, she could forgive herself for the Mountain. She might finally have the chance of making peace and saving lives instead of taking them.

The sun had started to go down, just as Clarke reached the river near Skaikru territory. She was close. She had traveled through the night despite the risk but her time spent in the woods after the fight at Mount Weather had forced her to gain enough skills to traverse easily in the dark. She was just glad just never came across anyone else.

As she approached the river, Clarke’s heartrate instantly went up. If she was being honest with herself, she was scared. She had not returned to Arkadia in months. Being there made her think about all those innocent people she killed and it made her queasy. The nightmares had subsided by now but her decision would always haunt her. Being back at Arkadia would stir up the feelings she ran away from. Was she ready to return to her people now? Could she face them and in turn, face herself? Either way she didn't have a choice. War was brewing and her people needed her. Somehow they had teamed up with Ice Nation and betrayed the Alliance. They had a good thing going for them so why destroy that now? She would get the answers soon.

Clarke walked down to the riverbank. She dumped her bag by a large rock at the edge and stooped down so she could dip her face in the cold water. She splashed her face and took a couple sips. She was exhausted from traveling all night and the cold water felt good. It also helped to wake her.

As she stood up and turned to leave, Clarke heard a twig snap behind her. Her hand instantly flew to the knife at her hip, but as soon as she gripped the handle, a Grounder came from behind and her knocked her hard on her head with the butt of his sworn. A swearing pain emanated from the left side of Clarke’s head, blurring her vision and causing her to wail out. She felt the Grounder topple her to the ground and roughly grab her arms. But she kicked him right between the legs with all her force and he grunted, letting her arms go. She took the opportunity to reach for the knife at her side once more and this time she was able to grab it. Without thinking twice, she stab him in the neck. She saw the shocked look on his face and noticed his face was covered in the same type of markings she saw on Roan, Ontaria, and Nia. _You’re Azgeda. There might actually be an alliance between Skaikru and Azgeda after all_. Clarke worried to herself as she pushed the warrior off her. He fell to the ground dead.

Clarke let out the breath she didn’t know she had been holding in during the fight. Her head felt like it had been crushed between two bricks but she knew she had to keep moving. There might be more Azgeda warriors nearby, probably helping Skaikru plan for the attack.

Clarke grabbed for the bag she left next to the rock and trekked up the slope. She had just returned to the path when a hand covered her mouth. “Shof op!” the person whispered in her ear. It was a voice she didn’t recognize. Clarke tried to fight back but the man was much stronger and larger than her and he easily held her in place. “Chil au. Nou get yu daun, ai badannes ste kamp raun ai Heda, Wanheda. There are more like him up ahead,” the man whispered as he nodded toward the dead warrior on the riverbank.

He dragged Clarke back behind a large set of bushes where they were able to crouch down. Clarke turned toward the path as she heard the voices of a group of Grounders through the trees. There were about five or six of them. Three were holding horses while the others carried their supplies. They too were Azgeda. 

The man holding onto Clarke waited until the group had disappeared and was sufficiently out of earshot before he turned to Clarke and introduced himself. “Ai Laik Ranger kom Trigeda. Heda sent me. I am here to take you back to Polis."

Clarke looked at him half surprised. He was a very tall, almost lanky man, a few years older than her with thick brown hair down to his shoulders and a full, but neat looking beard. He was dressed like other Trikru people but with a sword at his side and an iron chest plate for protection. He looked at Clarke with a stern expression on his face, clearly wanting to return home as soon as possible.

“Well thanks but no thanks, Ranger. I need to get to my people,” Clarke said coldly. The pounding in her head had gotten worse and all she wanted to do was lie down but she knew that was the last thing she needed to do.

“You are injured,” Ranger said and pointed to her bleeding head.

“Minor concussion. I’ll be fine," Clarke responded as she yanked herself free from Ranger's grasp. 

Ranger frowned at her. “I have no choice but to take you back. You can ride with me. Cole is further down stream with the horses. We can make it back early tomorrow if we leave now.”

“I’m not going,” Clarke said stubbornly. She moved from behind the bushes where they had been hiding and started back toward the river. She was only an hour or two away from camp.

“There may be more,” Ranger said. He didn’t make any attempt to follow her, though. He hoped reason would appeal to her more than force. “We do not know how many scouts or warriors King Roan may have sent to Arcadia and they must be moving very fast.”

Something Ranger said stuck with Clarke as she began crossing the river. She was standing on a large rock toward the middle of the water when she realized what was bothering her about the whole Azgeda-Skaikru alliance. It takes a week to get from Azgeda to Polis and from there Arkadia is another day and a half away. Roan hadn’t been King long. How did he have time to make a deal with Pike, gather his army, and send messengers or whoever that group of Grounders was to Arkadia in such a short period of time? The timeline just doesn’t add up. Unless…

Clarke abruptly stopped and turned to face Ranger. He had not moved an inch. “How is it that we just ran into warriors of Ice Nation on their way back from Arkadia when it would have taken them a week and a half to get there and Roan has only been King for two weeks? If they were there to form an alliance, then shouldn’t Roan still be waiting for news of their success? He must have had this planed. Must have known that Pike would agree to march with Azgeda before he even asked… which means he must have already known about Pike and his rejection of being the 13th clan because Kane would never have sided with him.” Clarke rambled but she knew she was on to something. Something wasn’t right and from the look on Ranger’s face, he knew it too.

“Come… quickly,” Ranger motioned toward Clarke. “If what you suspect is true, we must return to Polis swiftly to inform Heda if she does not already suspect it as well.”

“You can tell her,” Clarke said, still set on making it to the Ark.

Ranger ignored her. “If what you say is true, then you have no idea what to expect if you go back to your people. It could even be a trap. You must come with me. It is the only way to ensure your safety.”

Ranger had a point but Clarke had travelled all this way. But she didn’t have enough time to make up her mind before she felt a piece of cloth cover her nose and mouth. Instinctively she took a breathe and instantly smelled a strong scent of some herb she could not remember the name of. That's when it all went black. 


	4. What Happened to "Commander?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up in Polis, her and Lexa talk, and she ends up having a tiny crush on Luna.

Clarke awoke to the muffled sounds of hushed voices. She was laying on something very soft, a bed likely, and her body was covered by thick furs. It felt like being swallowed by a cloud minus the annoying pounding in her head. What was that from again? As the tendrils of sleep threatened to drag her back into unconsciousness, the hushed voices outside the room grew louder and Clarke instantly recognized one of them; the way she pronounced all her “c's” like hard “k's”; the way her voice grew deeper when she was trying to get her point across. Lexa. Clarke’s eyes flew open in recognition. She cleared the cobwebs from her mind and then it all came flooding back. The river, the grounder, Ranger, the sudden cloth over her nose and mouth and then darkness.

Clarke sat up slowly in the bed, knowing she should take it easy least her head begin to hurt worst. She really shouldn’t have been sleeping with a concussion. The grounder who drugged her took a huge risk but Clarke didn’t dwell on it too much since she felt fine otherwise and was acutely aware that she was being talked about outside.

Clarke swung her legs over the edge of the bed and took in her surroundings. She was back in her room in Polis. _Dammit, Lexa!_  Clarke thought. She stood up and slid on the shawl that was draped over the end of her bed. Then she took in her appearance in front of the mirror near the door. Her hair looked like a wet mop. She looked tired and there were new cuts on her face. She was paler than usual and looked thin. Clarke sighed, she was in desperate need of a bath. _Maybe Lexa could join me_. Clarke thought but then quickly scolded herself. _You’re mad at her, remember! She caught you!_

Clarke headed toward the door with a shake of her head. They must have heard her footsteps approaching because as soon as Clarke opened the door, Lexa turned to her with a stoic face and said, “Good afternoon, Clarke.”

“Commander,” Clarke responded formally. She looked to her left where Titus was standing erect and looking furious.

“Ah, she is awake. Good. Maybe you can shed some light on what it is you thought you were doing, sky girl.”

“I was trying to save my people. Lexa would have done the same.”

“The Commander would never have been so foolish! War is brewing and wasting time at futile attempts at peace is unwise when what is really needed is an organized army.” Titus snapped.

“Enough. Leave us.” Lexa ordered plainly as she raised her hand dismissively.

Clarke loved when she did that. The Commander could silence an entire village just by raising her hand. It was a show of power, yes, but it was also an indicator that she had already made a decision and no matter what she was going to stick with it and that decision was always in the best interest of her people. The Commander was selfless. And yet Lexa was starting to do what was best for Lexa. She was giving in to her feelings, into her needs. Clarke could see it in Lexa’s eyes when they kissed. Lexa was afraid, yes, but that she was finally thinking about allowing herself the opportunity to love again and to go after what she wanted as just Lexa not as the Commander. Clarke was proud of her but even though she kissed Lexa hungrily the other day before all this talk of war began, it didn’t mean Clarke was ready for a relationship. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, she still resented Lexa for leaving her at Mount Weather… maybe even envied her because Lexa didn’t have to know what killing all those people felt like even if she understood.

“Clarke?” Lexa began with a confused look in her eyes.

“Hm? Yes?”

“How is your head?” Lexa asked with concern evident in her eyes.

“It hurts,” Clarke said with a smirk, remembering that Lexa had the same response when Clarke asked her about her arm after the Pauna attack. But Lexa didn’t smile. _Shit, here we go_. Clarke thought.

“If you had listened to me a few days ago you would not be hurt,” Lexa said simply.

“I was trying to get us some answers, Lexa!”

“What you did was foolish, Clarke! You purposefully disobeyed me! You could have been killed!”

“I am not one of your subjects, Lexa," Clarke said sharply.  "I do not have to obey you. I was doing what was –“

“best for your people?” Lexa finished, clearly fuming now.

“Yes!”

“As long as I am Heda, you _will_ follow my orders, Clarke!” Lexa shook her head and lowered her voice. She remembered her conversation with Luna and instead appealed to reason. “I only sent Ranger and Cole to keep you safe.”

“I can protect myself,” Clarke said definitively. “And because I ran into Ice Nation warriors on my way to Arkadia, I discovered something. I was telling Ranger, before you had me kidnapped,” Clarke quipped, “that Pike and Roan must have made this alliance weeks ago before he went back Azgeda. Pike is in Arkadia, this much we know so either they met there and none of my people saw him or let his presence be known or…” Clarke stopped, thinking.

“Or at they met at one of Azgeda’s permanent camps between here and Arkadia,” Lexa offered cooly.

“Yes.” Clarke nodded. “You knew?”

“I figured as much but I sent scouts to confirm yesterday. It is a well-hidden camp in the mountains near Mount Weather. There is a small army always stationed there.”

“Then I think I saw some of them,” Clarke said.

“We must be careful, Clarke. If Skaikru has supplied them with your weapons, then this war will be over very quickly,” Lexa said with her eyes gazing toward the floor.

Clarke didn’t know what to say to that. Lexa was right. Guns were no match for swords and arrows. What were they going to do? Clarke was more conscious of her headache now that the adrenaline from arguing with Lexa was subsiding. She was starting to feel a bit dizzy. So Clarke crossed the room and sat down in the same spot her and Lexa sat after her fight with Roan. _Roan the traitor. Or maybe he was just looking out for his own interests as always. What did Pike offer him?_

Lexa stood awkwardly in the doorway, not wanting to invade her space but not quite ready to leave.

“Come in. Sit down.” Clarke said without looking at her and Lexa did just that. She sat down carefully next to Clarke as if just being close to her was going to hurt her in some way. Maybe it was. Maybe what they were doing, if you could call it doing something, wasn’t good for either of them. Maybe it was only going to end in pain. But maybe it would be something worth living for… something worth dying for. Didn’t they deserve that? _Maybe life should be more than just surviving._

“Lexa,” Clarke began slowly. “I know you care about me and what I did was dangerous but you have to let me make my own decisions, especially when it involves my people.”

“I know,” Lexa said quietly staring down at her hands. She had been avoiding eye contact with Clarke ever since she had confessed her fear of losing the war. This could end up worse than Mount Weather and this time she couldn’t just walk away. “And I know you can protect yourself, Clarke. My people do not call you Wanheda for nothing.” Lexa wished she could just say everything she wanted and needed to say to Clarke but she was a coward. With Clarke, she constantly felt self-conscious and nervous. This girl would be the death of her. _Love is weakness._

At that, Clarke turned to face Lexa and took the girl’s hands in her own. “Lexa, look at me.” And when she did and Clarke’s breathe caught in her throat at what she saw in the brunette’s eyes. There were so many emotions raging within her: fear, concern, patience, but most of all, there was something Clarke couldn’t quite pin. Or maybe she could and didn’t want to admit it to herself… didn’t want to make it real because if she did then she would have to confront what she was feeling too.

“Clarke, I… I thought…when I first realized you were gone, I thought something had happened to you,” Lexa admitted. “I thought you might have been taken.”

 _Oh Lexa. So this is why you’re so mad?_ Clarke cupped Lexa’s cheek with her hand and Lexa instantly melted into her warm touch. _I’m not going anywhere._ “Don’t worry. Nothing bad is going to happen to me,” Clarke assured her. “I have too much to do yet for that.” _Too much I need to say to you._

“You cannot promise that, Clarke.”

“Yes I can. I control my fate,” Clarke responded firmly but with a sly smile. She was pleased when Lexa awarded her a tiny one in return. “This time it’s going to be different.” Clarke added. She didn’t have to say the girl’s name for Lexa to know what and who she was talking about. And it was all Lexa could do to stop the dam in her eyes from overflowing and the three words that were on the tip of her tongue from spilling out. She pressed her lips to Clarke’s hand and nod.

***

Once Lexa left to attend a meeting with her generals, Clarke asked Sara to draw her a bath and bring in some fruit. Then after her bath, Clarke asked the girl to stay and join her in eating the fruit like she always did. Sara was good company. She told Clarke stories about the festivals in Polis, about the past commanders, about her younger brothers and sisters who she looked after at night. Clarke in return told her about life on the Ark, about her childhood, her drawings, but never about her time on the ground. Never about the Mountain. Never about Lexa. Today was no different. Clarke was munching on a strawberry and telling her about the time her and Wells snuck into the main kitchen and stole some of the cookies cooling on the stove. They were about 6 or 7 and of course got caught with chocolate all over their faces but it was worth it.

“Tell me about you and the Commander,” Sara said suddenly. “You care about her.”

Clarke was taken aback. She looked at the young girl, her brown eyes wide with curiosity. “I do. We’re… friends.” Clarke said nodding as if trying to convince herself. “Like me and you.”

“No… not like me and you,” Sara said boldly.

“Sara, why are you asking me this?”

“I promise not tell anyone, if that is what you are afraid of. I’m loyal to you Wanheda,” Sara said seriously. “But I am curious. You never talk about her and yet, I see the way you look at her and the way she looks at you. It’s almost as if you two lo—“

“—alright that’s enough chit chat for today. I have things to do,” Clarke stammered, cutting her off.

“I am sorry if I overstepped ma’am. It’s just…”

“It’s okay, Sara. Maybe one day, when I figure it out, I’ll tell you. How’s that, huh?” It was the only thing Clarke could offer her but Sara accepted it and briskly left the room leaving Clarke alone again. _What the hell was that about!_ Clarke thought as she washed up a bit before heading towards the throne room. She wasn’t lying, though. She did have somewhere she needed to be.

Clarke entered the throne room where she hoped she would find Lexa but the Commander wasn’t there. Instead, Clarke found a beautiful woman in casual grounder attire with dark-red curly hair. She was speaking with who looked like one of the ambassadors from Floukru. When he spotted Clarke he instantly stopped talking, nodded to the woman, and turned to leave. The redhead turned around to look at Clarke and Clarke was instantly taken aback by how physically stunning the woman was. Not only did she command the room (something Clarke thought only Lexa could do) but she was also very beautiful.

“Clarke!” the woman said happily as she walked over to where Clarke was standing. Clarke fought the urge to turn around and look behind her because certainly this woman wasn’t talking to her. “Lexa’s told me so much about you.” _Lexa huh? What happened to “Commander”or “Heda.” Who is this woman?_  “You can call me Luna.”

 _Ohh, Luna!_ “It’s nice to meet you, Luna,” Clarke responded with a smile. “Where’s Lexa?”

“She’s sparing with her warriors. Training.” Luna said with what sounds like stress. “What is it that you need?”

“Oh, just to discuss strategy, a plan of attack. We need to be as strategic as possible if we’re going to win this. I still think I should speak with my people but I’m guessing that’s out of the question.”

“Yes, Lexa should have let you and I told her as much but she’s very protective of you. You mean a lot to her, but you can also protect yourself.”

Clarke looked at her a little shocked. “What?” she said dumbly. 

“She tells me things. We’ve been good friends for a very long time. Come, I heard you had a bad head injury. Instead of thinking about war, why don’t we just enjoy the day. Accompany me on a walk through Polis? The streets are so alive today. It’s as if the weather brings out the best in people. You will benefit from the fresh air,” Luna adds when she notices that Clarke is hesitant.

And who is Clarke to refuse her? She has a point. It is a beautiful day. And as Lexa said, plans change in battle. Too much preparing is futile.

“Alright," Clarke gives in with a smile. "For a little while. At least until Lexa is finished sparing and then we prepare.”

“Deal,” Luna said beaming, the sunlight brightening her red locks and making her eyes glow like mini halos.  

_Oh Clarke. Well this is gonna be interesting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can see Clarke crushing on Luna cause she's badass like Lexa but don't worry, this is Clexa endgame.


	5. Something's Going On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Arkaida, Raven and Monty grow suspicious. In Polis, Lexa and Clarke grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how about that finale huh? too soon? 
> 
> Well we have a lot more characters from the show appearing in this chapter and the plot develops more so yay! As always, thoughts are in italics. All errors are my own.

**Meanwhile in Arkadia**

“Oh shut up! You know you can’t code as well as me!”

“You wanna bet?” Monty scoffs.

“Why not? Let’s do it!” Raven responds, nodding her head and smirking. _Oh he's going down. _“Alright, whoever builds an app, in Python, the fastest gets the other’s dessert ration for a week.”__

“A Python program? Seriously? What am I, 10?” Monty glares at Raven.

“Hey you said it not me,” Raven laughs joined by Harper who has her hand slyly resting on Monty’s knee under the table.

“All I heard was dessert. Better take the challenge, Monty.” Harper replies. 

The three of them are sitting in the lunch hall eating and joking around with a few of the other 100. The usual guards watching over them are gone and the room feels a whole lot lighter without their lingering presence.

“Hey, do either of you know why there aren’t any guards stationed today?” Harper asks confused.

“No idea, but they weren’t here yesterday either,” Monty adds.

“Something’s going on. I saw a bunch of them moving the weapons and ammo the other day from the weapons room.” Harper says.

“Moving them? Where to?” Raven asks, genuinely interested now.

“I dunno but it’s strange, right?”

“Yea, really strange,” Raven says slowly. She looks around and notices that a few more people are missing from the usual bunch, not just the guards and her inquisitive nature obviously requires her to find out what exactly is going on and why. She has a feeling Pike is behind it because ever since he became chancellor, Arkadia has been seeing a lot of changes and not in the good way. _I gotta figure out what that dick's up to and fast before he does something really stupid and gets us all killed._

“Raven, I know that look,” Monty whispers to her from across the table while Harper and the rest of the bunch begin talking about something else.

“What look?” Raven feigns innocently while she scans the room for any other oddities.

“That look! Like you’re about to do something you shouldn’t.”

“Monty, I don’t need a lecture,” Raven says dramatically rolling her eyes. "Something's going on around here and it isn't just you and Harper doing the do."

“You...you know about that! How?”

“Come on, Monty. It's sooo obvious. I'm happy for you. You're finally a man! I just hope you're being safe.

“Oh my god, Raven," Monty says extremely embarrassed. "Can we just forget about me and get back to your secret investigation? I want in."

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me. _I want in. _I want to help,” he says definitively.__

Raven can't help but to smirk a little. The kid was coming along nicely. “Ok...fine. Here’s the plan…”

***

**Back in Polis**

“So you enjoyed your time with Luna yesterday, Clarke?”  Lexa asked amusedly. She's sitting cross-legged at the base of her bed, arms resting on her legs and her back straight as an arrow. She had been meditating and seeking advice from the previous _Hedas_ like she always did before war, when Clarke walked in unannounced. Lexa had grown used to her doing so and even liked it. Clarke was comfortable around her, not afraid of Lexa’s guards, and of course defiant. It’s part of what made Clarke, Clarke and just one of many reasons Lexa loved her.

“Yes. Very much so,” Clarke replies smiling brightly, though Lexa misses it since her eyes are still closed.

“She said you seemed to like her presence.” Lexa says, suppressing a smirk. _Not surprising_ , Lexa thought.

Clarke blushes and turns away, even though Lexa doesn't seem to be paying her much attention, let alone seem jealous or angry in any way. "Well, I mean, Luna is kind and funny. We walked around Polis and she bought me some herbs and this special tea to soothe my headache.” Clarke paused, waiting for Lexa to respond.

Lexa opens her eyes and looks at Clarke warmly and Clarke can see the smirk begging to peek through the Commander's facade. Clarke lets out a little laugh. “You.little.devil.” Clarke nearly growls playfully.

Lexa was willing to play along. “Whatever it is you are going to accuse me of, I am innocent,” Lexa replies as she throws her hands up for dramatic effect. “But, Luna _does_ have a certain effect on people. She’s very…charming? I believe is the word. I figured she would charm you.”

“Did you tell her to flirt with me?” Clarke asks half kidding but slowly warming up to the possibility. _Is she trying to push me away?_

Lexa lets her smirk show this time. “No, Clarke. I didn't even know you two had met until I saw her last night after I finished training with the Nightbloods.”

“Oh,” Clarke said feeling foolish now.  “Well then why are you giving me that look?”

“What look?” Lexa asks innocently.

“That look!” Clarke accuses, smiling a little. _You’re so playful for a Commander on the brink of war._

Lexa sighs as she stood up in one graceful move and turned toward Clarke. “You can be amusing at times. ” She pauses, finding some courage to completely express herself. “So you like Luna?”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to raise an eyebrow and crack a small smile though she can see a hint of vulnerability in the Commander's eyes. _I like you._ “Luna has nothing on you, Commander. We mostly just talked about you,” Clarke admits boldly.

Lexa raised her eyebrows curiously. “And?”

“And she basically told me that I’ve been foolish.” Clarke pauses before continuing. “That I should tell you how I really feel.”

“And?” Lexa asks again but quieter this time; her Commander mask gone.

Clarke looks at Lexa in a hope to convey everything she has been hiding deep within her heart since her return to Polis.

Lexa can't miss it. Her eyes widen in surprise and her heart pumps furiously because how long had she been waiting for this moment? How many nights had she spent lying awake in bed wishing Clarke would come around and finally forgive her? So now, any possible remnants of Lexa’s usual stoic expression have vanished and she couldn’t bring it back even if she wanted to now that Clarke was looking at her like Lexa was the only person she'd ever love.

But before Clarke could verbally express what Lexa was seeing, Indra bellowed at the guards stationed outside the door before slamming them open.

“Pardon me Heda, but we need to go now! Ardmore and Potoma were attacked this morning by grounders with Skaikru weapons. They have set up makeshift camps and left no survivors.” The warrior says, slightly out of breath.

Lexa, still staring into Clarke’s ocean blue eyes stays silent. She's literally speechless and Clarke knows it's not from the news Indra brings. “Where are Ardmore and Potoma?” Clarke asks quickly.

Indra looks at her coldly and clearly annoyed. “Two of the villages surrounding Polis. I believe it is a part of a strategy to surround us on all fronts and put us on the defense. Heda, we need an order on how to proceed.”

Lexa finally turns to look at her general, not wanting her moment with Clarke to end but knowing that if it didn’t, she would be failing her people. “Mochof, Indra. Send scouts and 50 warriors to each of the other surrounding villages. Convene the war council. We prepare to attack at dawn.”

"Yes, Heda." Indra nods but lingers in the room to see if her Heda will leave with her.

"I'll be right there," Lexa says dismissively and the warrior finally takes her leave.

“You should go,” Clarke manages to say after a while. “Your people need you.”

Lexa nods. “You are welcome to accompany me.” It sounds like a plea but Lexa's whole life is war and Clarke can't stand the thought of helping harm other members of her kru, even if they had turned against the Coalition."

"Not this time. I'm going to see if I can figure out more details about their plan of attack...from here." Clarke adds before Lexa can protest. She needs to know what's going on in Arkadia before she charges into battle. She needs to find Octavia and see if she has a walkie. Maybe if she can just speak with Bellamy, Raven or even her mom she'll be better informed and more help to Lexa.

Lexa nods. "Then, I will return." It sounds like promise and Clarke plans on holding her to it.


	6. More Than a Light in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some clarity about why Pike and Roan are attacking Polis in this chapter and the first battle kicks off!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a longer chapter for you lovelies. My writing style changes a tiny bit with this chapter but I think for the better! All mistakes are mine. Enjoy! :D 
> 
> Translation: ste klir = be safe

**In Polis**

As soon as Lexa leaves Clarke sets out to find Octavia. She knows if Indra’s here, the girl is too and she’s hoping she has a radio. Octavia follows Indra like a duckling does its mother and Clarke’s grateful she can rely on the attachment. If Clarke’s going to be of any assistance to Lexa and do right by her people she needs to speak with her friends.

Clarke treks through the busy streets of Polis, pausing for a second to marvel at how alive the capital is. She wants it to stay like this; needs it to for her and Lexa’s sake. The past few weeks she’s spent here have been the most rewarding she’s had on the ground. For once she doesn’t constantly fear for her life or sleep with one eye open. Sure what happened at the Mountain still haunts her dreams and sometimes her waking life as well but it does so less and less with each passing day and Polis has actually begun to _heal_ her. She’s healed more here in the past few weeks than she had over the past three months spent wondering the forest. A part of it has to do with Lexa, this she knows, but it’s also Lexa _in this place_ that has helped her to accept who she is. Clarke gets to see another side of Lexa here. She’s youthful, curious, and the dark stormy cloud that seems to always linger behind her eyes is less intimidating. It’s still there of course. It’ll always be there, but it doesn’t seem to cause Lexa as much grief. Lexa is lighter at home and it shows Clarke that despite all the terrible things she has done she can still live and enjoy life without having to feel guilty for doing so. It does not make her any more a monster. It shows strength and understanding to be able to acknowledge the pain and suffering but allow herself to move past it. Lexa is more than just her light in the dark, she’s her role model.

Clarke finally finds Octavia sparing with a large grounder twice her age who is mercilessly beating her. _Typical_ , Clarke thinks. His fist collides with Octavia’s jaw and Clarke flinches but Octavia doesn’t seem to even feel it. She ducks when he swings at her again and then kicks him hard in the nuts. He groans and so does the small crowd watching, some of the women laughing. Then he doubles over, giving the girl the opportunity to put him in a chokehold. He ultimately taps out after a few unsuccessful attempts at escaping her vice grip and Octavia beams in victory despite the mouth full of blood she sports.  

“Nice job,” Clarke praises her as Octavia steps out the training ring and over to where Clarke is standing off to the side. Clarke hands her a jug of water and Octavia drinks thirstily, spitting out the remaining blood from her mouth.

“Thanks. What are you doing down here?” Octavia asks, getting right to the point.

“I came to see if you had a radio. I need to get in contact with Arkadia,” Clarke obliges.

Octavia walks over to the brown bag she stowed on the ground next to the arena, lifts the flap and tosses the radio to Clarke. “Keep it,” she says. “I don’t need it.” She slings her bag over her shoulders and starts to walk away. Clarke knows she’s headed to find trouble and can’t help but feel a pang of worry in her chest.  

“Octavia wait!” Clarke starts. She stretches out her arm which Octavia grasps onto after a beat. “Ste klir.” Octavia gives her a firm nod and walks away.

Clarke sighs and walks over to the grassy field stretching out next to the sparing rings and turns on the radio. After a few attempts, Bellamy’s voice finally rings out.

“Octavia what’s wrong!” he bellows into the speaker.

“It’s Clarke. Is that you Bellamy?”

 “Clarke? Yeah it’s me. This is Octavia and I’s emergency frequency.”

“Oh, well O’s fine. She gave me this radio. I needed to speak with someone in Arkadia.”

“Well it’s good to hear your voice, Clakre. I’m supposed to be on patrol but what’s going on? Are you coming back?”

Clarke pauses for a beat. She knows she left Arkadia back when it was still called Camp Jaha without much of a goodbye. She hadn’t thought of returning permanently since her time spent in the forest. The thought of leaving Polis seems daunting now.

“I don’t know, Bell. But we have more pressing issues. What been going on over there? Is it true that Pike is Chancellor now and our people march with Azgeda? How did this happen?” Bellamy is quiet for a long time, trying to find the right words and it confirms Clarke’s worst fear. “Are _you_ on board with this?” she continues.

“It’s not that simple, Clarke,” he replies after a while.  

“Oh it’s not? Then explain it to me because where I stand, it seems like you're trying to wipe us out! Lexa has done nothing but try and establish a union. She welcomed Skaikru into the Coalition!”

“Lexa is a lying, backstabbing bitch, Clarke.” Bellamy fumes. “Who’s side are you on! You abandoned your own people when they needed you the most and now you’re accusing us of genocide! You don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

“Float you, Bellamy. I’ve only _ever_ done what’s best for our people. You of all people, should know that.”

Bellamy takes a deep breath as images of their hands on the lever and burning bodies flash before his eyes and he shakes his head sorrowfully. “Listen, Clarke,” he says calmer. “Pike is doing what’s best for our people too. We need more land. We’re not going to be able to sustain the amount of people living in Arkadia without increasing the food supply. A few of us stumbled across Roan while out surveying our options for viable soil. Apparently Azageda had some camp set up nearby where he we staying. Anyway, he knew what we were doing out there and he offered us a deal: our help taking down your girlfriend’s coalition in exchange for three thousand acres of fertile land surrounding Arkadia.” He bites out the word “girlfriend” bitterly and Clarke doesn’t miss it and wants to call him childish and tell him how now _he’s_ the one that doesn’t know what he’s talking about but she’s more focused on Roan’s offer. Part of her knows Arkadia won’t be able to sustain itself forever with the limited amount of natural resources available to them. But she also knows that helping Roan destroy everything Lexa’s worked for isn’t worth it.

“And what does Roan get out of dismantling the Coalition?” It’s a question she’s been dying to have answered ever since Titus burst into Lexa’s corridors.

“Absolute power, true respect, legitimacy of his kingship, I don’t know Clarke. But Lexa made him King after he lost to her. His people don’t respect a loser King. There’s no real allegiance to him and no honor in his succession.”   

“But there’s honor in killing innocent people for their land,” Clarke counters coldly. “Good to know.”

Clarke’s about to end the conversation when she hears what sounds like Charles Pike in the background asking Bellamy what’s he’s doing on the radio. The boy replies quickly that he’s checking in with the rest of the team stationed at the other village and it hits her like a ton of flying bricks. Bellamy’s not in Arkadia. He’s with Pike at one of the two villages the army took over. He helped kill all those people. He’s on the wrong side.

Clarke’s stomach churns at the thought and she swallows down the bitter taste of acid in her mouth. She sees him pulling the lever; she sees him wiping out a peaceful army while they sleep; she sees him shaking hands with the enemy and teaching grounders how to shoot automatic rifles; she sees him gunning down an entire village, including the children, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to look at him again. She faintly hears Bellamy calling out her name over the radio but she just changes the frequency without a second thought and heads back to her room in a daze.

 ***

**In Arkadia**

“Do you see anything?” Monty calls out to Raven, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible.

“Nothing yet but I know they’re in here somewhere,” the Latina responds focused.

A soft banging emanates from their left. It sounds again and again until the pair reach its source. Monty looks at Raven skeptically, telling her it could be a trap but they really have no choice if it’s what she thinks it is.

Raven steadies herself and slowly peeks into the tiny window outside the door. She’s still for a moment before turning and smiling brightly at Monty. “It’s them.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the key they stole from one of the few remaining guards stationed at the Ark. _Foolish of Pike to leave so few behind_ , Raven thinks to herself as she unlocks the door and steps into the room currently confining Kane, Lincoln and a bunch of other dissenters.

“Raven? Monty?” Kane rasps in surprise. “It’s not safe for you to be in here!”

“It’s okay, the guard is enjoying a little snooze. Pike and all his minions are gone and I swear more and more people go missing every day. What the hell is going on here?” Raven sasses.

“So it has begun.” Lincoln is covered in fresh bruises and cuts but he looks anything but defeated.   

“What’s begun?” Monty asks as he moves from inside the doorway and steps further into the room.

“You really don’t know?” Kane asks obviously. Raven and Monty wait for his response but were not expecting what he says next. “Pike’s planning out wiping out the Coalition with the King of Azgeda’s help.”

“Roan,” Lincoln adds and Kane nods.

“Yes. We caught Pike giving his warriors weapons a few days ago and have been locked in here ever since.” Kane looks truly worried and if that’s any indication of the situation, Monty and Raven go wide-eyed.

“Fuck,” Monty says and they all turn to look at him because he normally isn’t one for vulgarity.

“What he said.” Raven shrugs.

“We need to warn the Commander. They’re not going to be expecting an attack.” Lincoln says quickly.

“On it!” Raven nods and briskly starts to walk out the makeshift holding cell. She prays Clarke has a walkie on her to make things easier. She looks back at the men in her wake, “Well don’t just stand there, help me stop this mess!”

Kane and Lincoln to follow her to the mechanic room where she knows they’ll be safe from prying eyes. A few others who also want to help tag along and the group starts to figure out how to warn Lexa and devise a strategy to cool the brewing war.

 *** 

Lexa rides side by side with Indra and Ryder. Ranger, Cole and a few of her other best generals ride behind them. The army of 120 capable warriors she leads to the nearby towns marches further back. Lexa and her generals had decided to send 30 warriors each to the remaining four towns surrounding the capital. Lexa can only hope the small protection she provides will be enough to quell the fears of her people and to deter Pike and Roan from wiping out any more innocents.  

Indra has spent the entire time trying to convince her to launch a full fledge attack against the new Ice Nation and Skaikru alliance but Lexa knows better than to directly stretch the thin fabric by which her Coalition hangs. Since they can’t beat their weapons, they must win by sheer cunning. They need a plan and one that does not involve diving head first into a blood bath.

Indra recognizes the significance of her commander’s silence and stops badgering her. They ride that way for another half hour before reaching the outskirts of the tiny village of Jericho located just beyond Polis’s walls. Lexa thinks the plan to box her in is a good one but maybe she doesn’t have to be on defense after all. What if there was a way to set a trap; to draw them in and lay waste to the traitorous bastards?

“Heda!” Lexa hears and snaps into focus. A burly man comes barreling toward the group. “Bless you! We heard of an attack at Ardmore and feared we would be next. What is going on!” He says hurriedly.

“I will inform you once inside. Please open the gate,” she says stoically and he complies. She can only hope the mere amount of warriors accompanying her will be sufficient protection against any pending attacks.

She informs the village leader of the events leading up until this point and the old woman glares at her solemnly.  “Forgive me, Heda, but we are not equipped to handle an attack. We would be taken over within the first hour.”

The woman has grey hair, her face adored in life lines indicating not only the passage of time but the trials and tribulations faced within. Lexa thinks she looks regal and respects this woman for speaking honestly to her.

“You speak true but my warriors will protect you.” It is all Lexa has to offer in response because there is nothing much more she can say. It sounds like an empty promise but the woman doesn’t push her further. She only nods in a similar fashion to that of her commander and remains silent.

Lexa does not stay long in Jericho for there are other villages she needs to warn before darkness sets in and the journey becomes more dangerous. She says the same thing to the next two villages and gets a similar response. They have little faith in the effort put forth by Heda but what they fail to understand is that Lexa needs as many able bodies within the capital as possible to fight off the real battle that must be won. _Victory stands on the back of sacrifice._

The sun has turned a beautiful golden brown as Lexa and the remaining 30 warriors approach the final, largest and most outlying of the villages. It is the one Lexa fears may be the next to fall. She swiftly dismounts her steed and motions for Indra and her other generals to follow suit. Once in front of the gate, Lexa notices how eerily quiet the town is. No chatter can be heard, no children’s laughter, no carts wheeling items to barter, nothing. Total silence. It’s as if even the wind has taken a break.

The hairs on the back of her neck rise as Lexa becomes acutely aware that something is wrong. She motions for Indra to stay alert and slowly draws her sword, trying to prevent the metal from scraping along its sheath too loudly. She can feel her heartrate skyrocket but she maintains her composer. Indra begins instructing the soldiers to flank the Commander on each side when it happens. The sharp whizzing sound reaches Lexa’s ears just as she dodges a flying arrow. Her eyes widen and then harden as dozens more fly over the wall and into the mass army.

“Shields!” Indra bellows at the warriors and the arrows clang loudly onto the metal disks.

“Against the wall!” Lexa commanders and her soldiers comply. A few get struck during a second wave of arrows but the majority makes it to the wall surrounding the village. They are quick and attentive, taking out their own bows and patiently awaiting further instructions. The third wave of arrows comes over the the wall standing between them and the enemy. The arrows miss their targets and instead strike raw earth with a muted thump telling the generals opposite of them that Lexa’s army has either moved against the wall for safety or retreated. But if Roan knows her at all he knows she hasn’t retreated. So, Lexa prepares for the next stage of his attack.

Lexa’s breathing is heavy as she racks her brain for tactics to use against the army behind her. They have guns but she is a skilled warrior with many years of battles won in her wake. She can get them out of this alive. Ladders being slapped against the wall behind her, stir her and she crouches low, waiting for the bodies to appear at the top. When the first one does, she stashes her sword, artfully strings her own bow and arrow and strikes the person dead center in the chest. He tumbles over the wall and blood paints the ground crimson. More ascend but her warriors are prepared and take them out one by one before they can fire their weapons. Lexa thinks it’s a foolish strategy to send soldiers over the wall, placing them directly in the line of fire. Either this was Pike’s idea and he knows nothing of war or they’re sacrificial lambs meant to…

“They’re a distraction!” She yells out but it’s too late as the gate breaks open and out pours an army the size of Lexa’s but instead of firing arrows they’re firing bullets.


	7. Do You Fear My Death?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lexa comes back hurt, Clarke realizes she can’t wait anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might just be my favorite. I hope you like it! 
> 
> Translations:  
> Jomp em op! = Attack!  
> Weron ste hef = Where are the men?  
> Stedaun = Dead

“Jomp em op!” Lexa’s war cry sounds out as she and her warriors race through the line of fire and toward the army of grounders looking out of place holding their automatic weapons.

The air is crisp, the night young, and Lexa can’t help but hope it’s the perfect condition for a winning battle. But the first few moments are nothing less than a slaughter as bullets rip through the unmatched army. Bodies drop to the ground like dead flies and the earth bleeds red around them. Those whose fate is better matched desperately shield themselves from the onslaught of bullets and make their way to the open gate one step at a step. Lexa is among them, her palms itching for real combat and she yells eagerly as she collides her sword with a robust Azgeda warrior, easily slicing of the hand holding his gun. He cries out in pain and stumbles to the ground. Lexa kicks the weapon in disgust as she slashes the next body in her way.

Skaikru’s army lays in wait just inside the gate. Lexa hugs the wall as two warrior shield her from their attack. It has started to rain and the ground is now a dark mixture of mud and blood. Indra slides into a group of three Skaikru fighters on her knees and yells as she spins in a circle and slashes each one across the middle. They instantly joint their fallen brethren on the cold ground. 

Lexa nods in approval to her general who is actually smiling and continues to make her way through the village. The Commander looks around her to count how many warriors she has left. Thirteen remain out of the thirty initially brought to the village but there are few more Azgeda and Arkadia warriors and Lexa holds out hope for leaving this battle alive. 

Lexa prays Roan is somewhere in the village so she can personally cut off his head for betraying her and the Coalition. She doesn’t understand why he would do such a thing but maybe she had misjudged his character. Maybe he was actually no better than his mother.

Once she’s slain the few remaining combatants in her path – their weapons having ran out of ammunition in the fight and their skills too meager to quickly reload – Lexa follows after Indra. They find that the women and children have been rounded up and hidden in a barn, their hands and mouths tied.

“Weron ste hef?” Indra asks of one of the women she has just freed.

“Stedaun,” the woman replies solemnly.

“And King Roan? Skaikru leaders?” Lexa asks.

“No one but the warriors came, Heda. It was a trap,” another woman answers.

Lexa swallows down the anger bubbling up her chest. Now is not the time. Revenge will come later. Lexa and her generals must first escort the remaining villagers back to Polis for their safety and plan their next move. This will be a war won by intellect in rather than brute force.

As they passing through the village gate, a sudden sharp pain spews from Lexa’s left side and she gapes at the arrow sticking out of place there. Her gaze then follows toward the arrow’s source and lands on an Azgeda archer, slumped against the village wall. She must have been one of the few sacrificial lambs to open fire on them from atop the wall while the true attackers exited from the unguarded gateway.

“Heda!” Ryder calls to her when he notices she has stopped walking next to him. He draws his sword, runs over to the archer and slices her neck viciously before returning to his Commander’s side.

Lexa doesn’t falter. She doesn’t cry out. She just snaps the body of the arrow as close to the base as possible and leaves the head burred just above her hip. “I’m fine. Let’s go,” she says through gritted teeth as she rips off a piece of her flowing cloak and bunches it around the wound.

Ryder looks like he’s about to say something but knows better and just nods curtly, helps Lexa onto one of the few horses they brought for the journey, and then takes off, leading the surviving villagers and the hand full of warriors back to the capital. 

***

When Clarke learns of Lexa’s return, she’s standing out on the balcony of her room, overlooking the city square. She can see the massive gates open and the group of people walk through. It doesn’t take her long to land eyes on Lexa, her war paint a tell-tale sign of the Commander. Relief washes over her for the briefest of moments until Lexa draws nearer and Clarke can faintly make out the staggered walk. _She’s hurt!_ Clarke thinks and before she can talk herself out of it, she rushes out the room and down the building.

“Lexa!” Clarkes shouts as she runs up to the girl, pain now clearly evident on her face. A few of those around them look shocked at the informality of Clarke’s greeting but the blonde doesn’t care and they don’t say anything. All she’s concerned with right now is talking care of Lexa. 

It's then that Clarke realizes that she can’t stand to see the brunette hurt which is odd considering just a few weeks ago that’s all Clarke wanted to see. Funny how quickly things changed. Clarke would say it’s from getting to know each other better but that isn’t true because it feels like they’ve always known each other. Clarke could say it’s from finally forgiving Lexa for betraying her but it wasn’t Lexa she was truly mad at to begin with. Clarke could chalk it up to the passage of time and its ability to heal even the most stubborn of wounds but was that really it? No. The truth was, she doesn’t want anything but to protect Lexa now because she is desperately in love with her. It’s not that she fell in love with her while being in Polis, though she did fall even more in love during her time there. No, Clarke’s loved Lexa for a while now. It’s that over the past few weeks she’s _accepted_ her love for Lexa. That’s the scariest part. Such a strong attachment to someone in a world full of pain, death, and destruction would be the end of her. And if it ever came to it, Clarke doesn’t know if she could bare to lose another person she loves let alone the person she loves most in the world.   

“Clarke,” Lexa says quietly and motions for her warriors to leave them. She hands the rings to Indra for her to take her horse back to the stables. Of course Indra grumbles something incomprehensible before leaving.

Once the two are inside the tower, Clarke tells the first person she can find in Trigedasleng to bring medical supplies up to her room. Lexa looks at her curiously and Clarke can only smile.

“You learned our language during your time spent in the woods.”

It’s not a question but Clarke responds yes. “I had no choice but to learn if I was going to survive.”

Lexa flashes her tiny smile as they enter the lift to head to Lexa’s room. Once alone, Clarke hugs Lexa violently, glad she can finally show how much she was worried without prying eyes. But Lexa cries out in pain at the movement.

“Shit! I’m sorry.” Clarke says frantically.

“It’s all right, Clarke. I’m all right.”

“No you’re not, Lexa. Let me see that.” Clarke grazes her fingertips over Lexa’s knuckles. The brunette swallows thickly and complies, letting her hand drop to her side. “You left the arrow in. That’s good because you haven’t lost too much blood. I’ll get this out and stitch you up.”

Lexa knows better than to tell Clarke that one of the many healers they have in Polis can take care of it. Clarke needs this. She needs to feel like she can do more than destroy; that she can fix things too. That’s why Lexa loves that Clarke has took up drawing again because the ability to express and create something beautiful will soften the rough edges of the girl they call Wanheda and provide a way to quell some of the self-hatred Clarke seems to harbor.  Lexa only wishes she could do more.

They step off the elevator and Clarke takes Lexa’s hand in her own, letting the warmth of the Commander’s palm calm her nerves. _She’s fine. She’s fine. Stop worrying about her! She’s the Commander for heaven’s sake._

Clarke beckons for Lexa to lay down on the couch and places a folded towel next to the wound so as not to stain the fabric. Clarke then takes the knife she has come to always store in her boot and cuts Lexa’s shirt open for better access. She pretends she doesn’t see the way Lexa’s muscles ripple and how smooth the tan skin is beneath her fingertips as she examines the wound. Thankfully it isn’t too deep. Clarke barely notices when someone brings in the supplies she needs to cut out the arrow.

“What happened?” Clarke asks to distract Lexa from the pain as she begins but the brunette doesn’t seem to be in a lot of it or if she is, she’s hiding it well.

“It was a trap. Azgeda and Skaikru warriors were waiting for us when we reached the last of the surrounding villages. They had your weapons. We lost many men but saved many in return.” Clarke doesn’t respond, only nods and makes an incision into the area where the arrow is buried in order to make room to pull it out. Lexa flinches and takes in a sharp breath before continuing. “Pike and Roan were absent from the village. They must be stationed at another camp but I do not believe we should pursue them.”

Clarke wipes away the black blood oozing from the open wound before pouring disinfectant over the area and slowly pushing two clamps inside. While, Lexa does her best to keep from screaming, Clarke ignores the churning sensation in her stomach at the sight of her hands covered in Lexa’s blood.

“Continue,” Clarke prompts dryly. She hits the metal hilt of the arrowhead and pinches the clamps around it tightly.

“I will need to convene the war council as soon as we’re done here. I think it is best we let their armies enter Polis freely,” Lexa manages to get out before crying out in pain. She takes a few deep breaths to steady herself. She hopes Clarke is almost finished.

Clarke frowns for a beat until Lexa’s plan sinks in. “You want to trap them...Lure them in and then surprise attack them.” Clarke clarifies as she wiggles the arrowhead around to make sure it isn’t caught on anything. As Lexa responds, she smoothly pulls it out. 

“Yes,” Lexa winces. She clears her throat and swallows down the pain. She pats Clarkes wrist and gives her a thankful nod.

Clarke begins the stitches and the blonde feels the situation is strangely intimate. It sends a shiver down her spine. She sucks in her bottom lip as she concentrates on her stitching method to limit the amount of scaring Lexa will have. She can feel Lexa watching her intently but doesn’t meet her gaze.

“Clarke.” Lexa hopes to alieve the blonde of her thoughts. She can sense Clarke is battling something within because she’s barely looked at her.  

“All done.” Clarke puts a salve over the area to prevent infection and wraps a clean cotton bandage around Lexa’s waist. “Do you need something for the pain?”

“No.”

“Okay then. I’ll leave you to rest.” The fear that had been brewing within Clarke’s heart is almost unbearable now so she nearly runs to the door. She has to get some air. Lexa could have died out there and she’d yet to tell Lexa how she truly felt. Clarke’s at the door when she hears Lexa grunt and slowly walk over to her. They’re standing face to face but Clarke refuses to look into those emerald orbs. “Lexa you’re going to tear your stitches! I just finished them.” Clarke reprimands but Lexa ignores her.

“Look at me,” Lexa demands. Clarke swallows and allows herself to finally lock eyes with Lexa’s. She sees something akin to concern swimming just below the surface. She’s not prepared for what Lexa asks next. “Do you fear my death, Clarke?”

Clarke’s rapidly beating heart contracts painfully around itself. _Of course I do!_ “Yes.”

“You know the next Commander--” 

“Will protect me. Yes, I know, Lexa. But I don’t want the next Commander. We’re in the early stages of war and only you understand that not all my people want this. The ascension of a new Commander now would be disastrous.” 

“For your people,” Lexa adds.   

Clarke pauses. “Yes… for my people.”

Lexa nods knowingly but holds onto the blonde’s hand when Clarke turns to walk away. Lexa bravely tugs the girl closer to her – so close Clarke can smell the sweet and sensuous rose oil emitting off Lexa’s skin.                                                                                        

“You really should be resting,” Clarke tries to say as firmly as possible but it comes out throatily. Suddenly she can’t breathe and she certainly can’t help the growing longing in the pit of her stomach. her glance falls helplessly to Lexa’s plump inviting lips.

Lexa knows Clarke is concerned for her safety but she doesn’t understand why Clarke fights her so much about it. It’s just like when she was going to fight Roan except this time Clarke is brushing her off instead of confronting her. It’s frustrating to say the least.

When Clarke drags her gaze from Lexa’s mouth back to her eyes, Lexa is staring at her with those warm green eyes, greener than the leaves on the trees that dance at every gust of wind, greener than the moss that grows on the forest floor and deeper than all the world’s oceans combined. What Clarke sees residing there can only be described as love and a wave of complete tranquility washes over her, pulling her under and forcing all the air out of her lungs. If Clarke wasn’t sure before she’s definitely sure now. She is finally ready. 

“Klarke?” Lexa asks, sensing a change. Maybe Lexa doesn’t know (or maybe she does) that saying her name like that… with that sexy hard “k” drives Clarke crazy and propels a flush of heat between her thighs. And all Clarke can think about is the warmth of Lexa’s hands caressing her body, Lexa’s soft lips against her own, Lexa’s breath against her neck, Lexa’s slick heat trailing down her thigh…

Clarke’s grip tightens around Lexa’s hand as if to say, please don’t leave me. Be here with me. And when Lexa’s hand squeezes her own in reassurance, something inside Clarke breaks. She needs this. She craves it. No more listening to reason. No more suppressing her emotions. She’s throwing caution to the wind because why wait when the only person you’re really fighting for is right here in front of you? Love is not weakness. It never was and it never will be.

“Remember when you asked me how I felt the other half of the time…when I’m not thinking about what happened at Mount Weather?” Clarke finally starts. “The other half of the time, I am utterly and unconditionally in love with you, Lexa. And if I’m being honest with myself, it’s not just half the time. It’s _all_ the time. When I’m with you I’m home. I don’t really know what changed between the time you asked me and now but all I know is that I can’t pretend to hate you anymore. I never did. I know I would have made the same decision if I was offered the deal. I think I was just so angry with myself that I couldn’t bear the weight of it alone. But being here with you has made that weigh dissipate in a way I never thought was possible.” Clarke brings the hand that’s not holding Lexa’s up to cup her cheek.

“Are you saying… are you ready now?” Lexa whispers so low that Clarke barely hears her. 

Clarke brushes away a rouge teardrop that’s surfing its way down the curve of Lexa’s cheek, mimicking Clarke's own. It’s only then that Lexa realizes she’s crying. 

“Yes, silly. What I’m saying is that I’m ready. There’s no point in waiting; especially not when there is so much at stake. Not when I could… when I could lose you.” Clarke chokes. They’re both on the verge of drowning and it’s all Clarke can do but tangles her fingers in Lexa’s beautiful brown waves and press a ghost of a kiss against Lexa’s trembling lips.


	8. Losing Face and Gaining Honor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and the others decide to go to Polis. Clarke and Lexa finally get together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut!

**In Polis**

The salt from their tears washes ashore on their lips like froth from a wave and they lap it up and suck it dry. Their tongues explore each other, poking and prodding, licking and caressing. It’s slow, tender, and above all else, _loving_. Everything left unsaid between them is poured into this kiss and it pulses electrically like their beating hearts. When their lips finally separate, Lexa rests her forehead against Clarke’s and smiles in awe. It melts any last remnants of doubt.

“This is our beginning,” Clarke tells her huskily and if it wasn’t already possible, Lexa’s smile brightens and it makes Clarke’s heart ache painfully with love. She loves Lexa. She loves her to destitution, to death, and their love is supreme.

When their lips crash together for the second time, everything around them shatters, time freezes, the world stops turning, and even cupid has to stop and stare because this is the best work he’s ever seen.

It’s a give and take of teeth and lips filled with throaty moans and high-pitched sighs. There’s no air but neither Clarke nor Lexa care. They would both rather die from lack of oxygen then break this kiss. Lexa trembles and her knees go weak when Clarke hungrily bites her bottom lip hard enough to draw black blood and Clarke is forced to guide them over to the bed. But they don’t stop while Lexa smoothly slides onto it and Clarke straddles her eagerly and links their hands together over Lexa’s head.

Clarke grazes her teeth across Lexa’s ear and then down along her jawline and the groan she is rewarded with pools anticipatory pleasure at the apex of her legs.

“Be-beja…Klarke,” Lexa stutters when she can and Clarke’s lips raise into a smile. Her tongue first flicks at the hollow base of Lexa’s neck, then the smooth dip of her collarbone, and lands on the rapidly pulsing vein above it. She kisses, bites, and torments the vibrating swell until the back of Lexa’s head digs into the fur draping the bed. Her hands grip Clarke’s desperately, and she elicits the most erotic sound. Lexa is wiggling furiously beneath her and her hips are bucking in desire.

Clarke let’s go of Lexa’s hands and moves to untie the knot holding together Lexa’s shirt. She pulls it down easily and finds two perky breasts waiting for her. She takes one into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the nipple in circles. She gently bites it while she rakes her nails over the other pebble and Lexa looks completely out of control and on the verge of entering a state of pure bliss.

Clarke could continue worshiping Lexa’s breasts all day but she knows it’s rapidly pushing Lexa closer to the finish line and she wants to _feel_ her cross that line. So she gradually runs her hand over one of the now wet and sensitive peeks, through the valley of her chest, down the rippling river of abs, past the tiny dip of her belly button, and over the bandage at her hip telling her she should stop but she doesn't listen. She finally settles where Lexa needs her most. She can feel the intensive heat burning her fingers through the cloth of Lexa’s pants as if begging her to release the pent up tension coursing rapidly through Lexa’s body. 

Lexa is already a complete mess when she feels Clarke’s hand settle between her legs and her palm rub her gently. She tries not to fall into that sweet abyss and spoil Clarke’s fun but it’s so so hard. Clarke notices the abrupt rigidity in Lexa’s limbs. “Not yet, Heda.” She practically moans into Lexa’s ear and the only response she gets is a whimper.

Clarke makes quick work of Lexa’s belt and opens the buttons holding them together. She’s too impatient to take them off so she just dips her hand beneath the fabric and slides through the warm slippery substance readily greeting her. Clarke can’t help but moan at the sensation. She’s dreamt about this moment many times.

Lexa cries out when she feels Clarke glide over her sensitive nub and she does it over and over again with such expertise that it only takes Lexa a couple minutes to fall over the edge. And when she does fall it’s hard and glorious and just _perfect_. Lexa feels Clarke’s breath hitch in her ear while she’s riding that wave and hears the distant sounds of pleasure. She must be making those sounds but Lexa’s barely conscious of it because she’s lost in a tide of ecstasy.

Clarke eventually stills her fingers but leaves them in their place and kisses Lexa’s lips tenderly. “Amazing,” she says.

Lexa laughs and it’s the sound of angels. “I believe that is my line.” Lexa manages. She looks up at Clarke from hooded eyelids and sheer bliss.

Clarke smiles proudly at her and withdraws her hand. Then her tongue is lapping up the juices coating her fingers and she smirks when Lexa looks at her in shock. But then her green eyes darkened as her pupils dilate and Lexa’s unexpectedly flipping their positions with skill and ease. She let Clarke take her fill and now that she’s done, Lexa is back in control just the way she likes it. And she’s starved for Clarke.

Lexa brushes Clarke’s messy hair back with her hand and kisses her fiercely. She wants to take this slow but she can barely control herself. Lexa reluctantly slows, wanting to memorize this moment and never let it go. Clarke can see it in her eyes and she whispers, “I’m not going anywhere.” It’s a promise and Lexa seals it with a kiss.  

 ***

 I **n Arkadia**

“I’ve been calling Octavia over the radio for hours now and this girl _still_ isn’t answering!” Raven is sitting at her “work station” surrounded by Kane, Lincoln, Monty and a few others willing to help take down Pike and Roan. Her desk is a clutter of electronic and metal parts, computers, empty bags of chips, and some possibly explosive hardware. “Octavia has to be in Polis with Indra so if we can reach her, we can reach Clarke and Lexa. Otherwise, I don’t see another way to warn them.” She looks defeated at that.

Kane looks at her and the clutter she’s living in and shakes his head. “There is another way. We go to Polis.” Kane says calmly as if sneaking their way through a forest surrounded by patrolling Pike-lovers ordered to capture and kill anyone on sight and then into a guarded fortress surrounded by two armed enemies without being seen is a piece of cake.

“Are you insane! It’s not safe!” someone says from his right.

“Then you can stay here because it’s our only option,” Kane defends.

“Kane’s right,” Lincoln says suddenly. He walks around the others and over to Raven’s side. She looks up at his towering frame and nods in approval. She can see it in his eyes that Lincoln’s plan was to go to Polis all along to protect Octavia even though the girl had learned to protect herself. Nothing’s stopping him now, not even a couple hundred traitorous bastards.

“I’m down,” Raven says confidently and she looks at Monty for his agreement. He hesitates for a brief second but then gains his strength and nods. “Good. We leave tonight and we bring along a few things to help even the playing field.” Raven wiggles her eyebrows and smirks.

Kane raises his eyebrows. “What do you have in mind?”

 

At dusk, Kane, Lincoln, Raven, Monty, Harper, and Miller set out for Polis with multiple goodie bags full makeshift grenades, fire bombs, exploding nets, and medical supplies. They know Lexa’s warriors would never use their guns and even if they did, Pike cleared nearly all of them out of Arkadia but hopefully they would use some of Raven’s inventions.

Monty had asked Jasper if he wanted to join them and get off his drunk ass for a change but the friend he used to know just shrugged drunkenly and Monty took that as a no. Jasper’s downward spiral since the events at Mount Weather had taken a toll on their friendship, to say the least, and Monty believed more and more each day that they would never recover from it. But he pushed the thought of saving his relationship with Jasper out of the way and instead focused on saving his friends.

They only brought three guns with them and a box of extra bullets but hopefully they won’t need them. Lincoln told them grounder policy about the weapons despite Ice Nation’s recent behavior. Raven wasn’t one much for them anyway and Kane agreed that stealth more that force was needed if they were really going to get into Polis. Lincoln showed them a map he drew in his journal of the secret tunnel system below the capital that they would use to gain access. It was never guarded and only a handful of people knew about it. If they were going to break in, that was the only way.

“So what do we do once we’re inside?” Harper asks skeptically? They’re only an hour into the trip but the silence was suffocating.

“We find Clarke,” Monty tells her.

“And we help win this war,” Kane adds looking around at the faces next to him. It was a look that said, will you fight and die for this? The hardening facial expressions expelling confidence, the subtle nods, and the strong unfaltering gazes were enough to confirm that they would indeed. They can’t come all this way and not participate. They can’t stop fighting for what was right. They can’t give up now.  It was going to be dangerous. It was going to be brutal. But it was going to be worth it… the life they’ve built on the ground was worth it even if it was far from perfect.

Out of nowhere a twig snaps followed by the soft crunching of leaves. Lincoln halts and raises his hand to signal the others. Blanket darkness drapes around them and the only thing that is visible is the rhythmic movement of the trees. No one says anything for the brief moment Lincoln studies the area around them. Then he’s moving so fast his body becomes a blur. A loud grunt sounds from further in.

“Ow!” the boy says. “Get off!”

“No! What are you doing out here!”

“I’m on-on-patrol,” he struggles under the weight of Lincoln’s knee digging into his back.

Miller instantly recognizes the voice like a baby to its mother’s and takes off yelling. “Bryan! Bryan is that you!” He struggles through the thick forest brush, nearly tripping over a fallen tree but finally makes it over to where Bryan is laying on the ground. “Get off him!” Miller says sternly to Lincoln.

The grounder isn’t remotely phased. “Only when he tells me what the hell he’s doing out here.”

“I’m on patrol!” Bryan yells. “I’m on patrol.” He says again a little more calmly and stops struggling against Lincoln’s iron form, realizing it is futile. Lincoln rewards him by letting up and then reluctantly moving off him.  He outstretches his hand but Bryan knocks it away and stands up on his own.

“On patrol for Pike,” Miller states. Bryan doesn’t say anything, just brushes the dirt off his pants and looks away in shame.

“Bryan? Come in. Bryan, come in. It’s Bellamy.” The call comes through the radio strapped to Bryan’s waist and it sounds like a blaring alarm going off in a quiet room.

By this time, the others have joined them and they stand frozen in place, looking at one another fearfully. If Bryan doesn’t answer, Bellamy could call in reinforcements and they’d be done for. If he does answer, he could give their position away to Bellamy who would call in reinforcements and they’d be done for. It’s a lose lose situation.

“You better answer,” Miller says bitterly. He hates that his boyfriend is working for Pike. It has torn a rift between them and they’ve been trying to build a bridge together ever since.

Bryan looks like he’s about to do something stupid so Raven’s suddenly at his side and gripping him roughly by the shirt. “Don’t even think about telling him we’re with you. Say everything’s fine and be on your way. We don’t want any trouble. It’s not going to kill you to look the other way just this once.” She says it as sternly as possible and it gets her point across.  

“You don’t know that. If Pike ever found out…” Bryan began.

“And who’s going to tell him?” Raven answers.

“He’s got eyes everywhere. Especially now that we’ve teamed up with Ice Nation!”

“You’re paranoid,” Raven rolls her eyes but Lincoln seems convinced. “You don’t believe him do you?”

“I don’t know. But we need to move.” Lincoln tells them.

“Yes, we’re wasting time.” Kane says definitively.

“Bryan come in!” It’s Bellamy’s voice again and he’s more urgent and instant this time. Raven nods to Bryan and holds her breath as he presses the talk button.

“It’s Bryan.”

“Bryan what took you so long to answer?”

“I just got a little held up.”

“Well try to be more responsive next time. Pike’s calling everyone back to base. Something about a breakout in Arkadia has him riled up.”

Bryan looks at Lincoln and Kane knowingly. “Coming.” He switches the radio off after a few seconds and the air around them becomes lighter.

“Thank you,” Miller says sincerely. Another piece of the bridge was just added.

Bryan swallows and nods. He walks over to Miller and hugs him tightly. The others, giving them some privacy, continue on towards Polis.

“Be safe,” Bryan tells his boyfriend from the crook of his neck. He can’t go with them and they both know it so Miller doesn’t even bother asking.

Instead, he just says “you too” and reluctantly pulls back. This might be the last time they see each other because who knows what could happen in Polis. They share another unspoken moment before Miller quickly leaves and Bryan rubs away the unseen wetness on his face. And just like that, the chasm grows, with Bryan losing face and Miller gaining honor.


	9. It's These Moments that Make Life Worth Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven, Lincoln, Kane, Monty, and Harper finally arrive at Polis plus Clexa fluff/smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been busy with a case going to trial so my update is late. Sorry! Enjoy! 
> 
> “Chon yu bilaik? Hakom yu kamp raun hir” – who are you? Why are you here?  
> “yu spichen” – you lie  
> “ai sis” – my sister  
> “ai nou yu sis” – I am not your sister  
> “Noumou” – no more/enough  
> “Shof op” – be quiet/shut up

Clarke screams and shakes when she finally topples over the edge of the cliff and is caught by waves of bliss that Lexa draws out as long as possible with her skillful fingers and mouth. She’s conducting a symphony that only Clarke can perform. Clarke’s eyes are tightly closed, her mouth is hanging open, her lungs are throatily pushing air out in short bursts, her back is arching high off the bed, and her fists are roughly balling up the covers beneath her. Lexa thinks it is the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen and the swell of love in her heart grows impossibly deeper by the minute.

Both of their bodies are coated in glistening sweat. Their muscles pleasantly sore. Their hearts are pounding wildly and the sweet spots between their thighs are throbbing deliciously. When Clarke comes down from the high, Lexa reluctantly withdraws her fingers causing Clarke to whimper at the loss. The brunette slides up the length of the now spent blonde and lays a salty-sweet kiss on her lips. Clarke wraps an arm loosely around Lexa’s waist to tell her to stay put and closes her eyes for a moment.

It was early morning when Lexa returned from securing the boarder, the sun just beginning to peak its head from under the blanket of the night’s sky. Now it’s fully up, likely around 9 or 10am, and the warm rays are covering them like a protective sheet from the cool room. They hadn’t slept and both know today will be another long and tedious day planning for battle. Lexa wants to strike now, saying how pointless it is to go over an already solid plan, and of course Clarke disagrees. They can’t decide on how to execute the strategy but everyone knows the longer they wait, the more likely Roan and Pike will surprise attack them and ruin everything. They still haven’t figured out why they are just sitting outside the capital walls instead of attacking or at least initiating contact and that's the most important piece of the puzzle.

But Clarke pushes those thoughts from her head for now and instead reveals in the feeling of Lexa’s warm body on top of her, her steady stream of breath on her neck, her beating heart on her chest, and the soft pads of her fingers stroking her cheek lovingly. Clarke could stay in this moment forever. But the world doesn’t work like that. Life’s hard, it’s scary, and it doesn’t stop when you’ve had enough. The truth is, these moments won’t last forever and the best anyone can do is make the most of them.

Lexa senses the change in Clarke’s demeanor and slides off her and onto the mattress. The recent stitching in her side had long torn but she masks the wound and the pain so as not to ruin the moment. She just lays on her side carefully facing Clarke who’s now staring intently at the ceiling.

“Was that all right?” Lexa asks timidly.

Clarke loves that in bed Lexa is open enough to be vulnerable with her. She turns her head and looks into those welcoming emerald orbs, sighing softy. “It was perfect. You’re perfect. I was just thinking about how this ends.”

“How what ends?”

“This,” Clarke says again solemnly and Lexa knows she’s talking about the moment of peace they’re sharing rather than whatever it is between them.

Lexa too sighs before responding. “It is these moments that make life worth living, is it not? You said it yourself that life is more than just surviving and you were right. We must covet these moments and hold onto them as anchors during times of war.”

Of course Clarke knows this but she doesn’t have to like it. Clarke brushes a tear from the corner of her eye and rolls on her side so she’s face to face with the beautiful woman next to her. She studies the soft features of her face, the roundness in her nose, the sharpness of her jaw and cheeks, her plump rosy lips. She will hold onto this. She will hold onto Lexa for the rest of her life. Clarke raises her head and brings their lips together in a soft loving kiss. She tangles her fingers in Lexa’s thick wavy hair and pulls their bodies together. She begins trailing a hand down Lexa’s stomach and spreads her legs with her own when suddenly Lexa winces painfully, giving away her secret.

Clarke stills and looks down at the warmth she can feel pooling between her fingers and it’s not the good kind. “Lexa!” Clarke looks down at her hands which are now lightly coated in black blood. “I’m so sorry! Why didn’t you tell me earlier! We shouldn’t have done this with that wound so fresh. Dammit.” Clarke pushes Lexa onto her back and moves her hand away so she can see the damage. She unravels the bloody bandage around Lexa’s waist and grimaces when she realizes nearly every stitch has opened.

“I’ll be fine,” Lexa assures her calmly although the crease in her brow tells Clarke she’s in pain.

Clarke rolls her eyes and shakes her head. _This could have been avoided._ She tosses the bloody bandage aside and makes for the couch where the supplies are.

 “You’re terrible,” she says teasingly and Lexa smiles beautifully. Clarke motions for Lexa to follow her to the couch. After using the remaining supplies she left on the table from the night before to re-stitch the wound and bandage it, Clarke finally dresses and she thinks she can actually see a pout from Lexa while she does the same.

Clarke smiles to herself. Lexa is adorable.

“Sara asked about us the other day.” Clarke starts, remembering her conversation with the young girl.

“Sara?” Lexa raises an eyebrow, intrigued.

“Yeah. She thinks we’re in love.” Clarke looks at Lexa shyly who’s now swallowing thickly, staring at her hands, and dare she say it, turning pink? Clarke smiles and bites her bottom lip.

“What did you say?” Lexa asks timidly.

Clarke walks over to the door and opens it. “Not what I should have. Please, take it easy today.”

Lexa nods slowly and walks over to the door. Clarke kisses her goodbye tenderly, letting her fingers brush over Lexa’s bottom lip before closing the door behind her.

***

Raven’s leg hurts. Wait no, hurt isn’t a strong enough word. Her leg is _insufferable_. She has never walked this far on it since the injury and that was a good thing because this sucks. Raven whimpers in pain once they cross a small hill which Lincoln tells them means they are getting closer to their destination. She slumps heavily against a nearby tree and grips the leg that now has unforgiving knives for bones and hot flames for muscles.

“Raven, are you okay?” Lincoln stops and the others follow suit. He looks genuinely concerned and Raven hates it. She hates being the one to slow them down. Hates being a burden. Hates always living in pain. Abby should have let her die.  

“I’m fine. Just need a little break is all,” she responds lightly but it comes out through gritted teeth.

“Don’t. Let me help you.” Lincoln says and he’s grabbing her arm and hauling her up before she can protest. Monty takes her bag and nods to Lincoln who’s now guiding Raven down the hill with ease. “You think I don’t know what it’s like to live with pain.” It’s a statement and the beginning of a lecture. Raven just rolls her eyes and listens. “When I was a Reaper, all I could see was red. All I could think about was the drug. When I didn’t have it, I was in pain. It felt like I was going to die without it. Many do.”

“It's not the same.” Raven counters bitterly, breathing heavily but glad to have some weight off her leg.

“I’m not finished.” Lincoln continues solemnly. “I still want it. A part of me always will. You think I’m strong. It isn't easy. There’s a weakness in me like there is in all of us. But we don’t have to give into it.”

“But I _am_ weak. I have a bum leg and I can barely walk. Just look at me.”

“You’re one of the strongest people I know.” Lincoln says almost shocked that she doesn’t realize it. “Your leg is a weakness but you don’t have to let it define you. And it’s okay to ask for help. I was ashamed in the beginning but Octavia showed me that it’s okay to lean on her; to draw strength from her. That I don’t need to carry the burden alone and you don’t either.”

Raven is silent for a while before starting again. “I don’t have someone to lean on. Not anymore.” Her mind goes to Finn. She hasn’t thought of him in a while and it hurts to do so.

“You have me. That’s what I’m trying to say.” Lincoln confesses and Raven genuinely smiles for the first time in a while.

“Thanks, Linc.”

He nods and they make their way toward the others who have gone ahead. It’s late in the day. The sun is low in the sky and it filters through the trees like flour through a sifter. The air’s cool but it feels good because of the workout the group is getting. They should arrive at Polis by nightfall. They had hardly stopped to rest but were still moving slow. If it weren’t for Lincoln practically carrying Raven they would be moving a lot slower.

There’s about a mile to go, Polis Tower beckoning them in the distance, when an arrow shoots through the trees and hits Lincoln in the thigh. He falls to his knees and Raven soon follows, yelling for help. Monty, Harper, Miller, and Kane grab the guns they brought and prepare to fight. They can only pray they’ll be enough for whatever is about to hit them.

“There!” Monty points to a moving shadow darting behind a tree for protection and catches a glimpse of the heavy winter clothes and war mask signifying Azgeda. “Ice Nation. We must be near a camp they’ve set up.” He tells the others.

“You need to go!” Raven tells them and Monty catches the you instead of we.

“We’re not leaving you,” Monty says.

“Never,” Harper adds.

“We’ll fight them off.” Kane suggests.

“We don’t have enough amo for that and you know it.” Lincoln has to state the obvious as he yanks out the arrow roughly and shouts in pain. He rips part of his shirt and makes a tourniquet.

More whizzing sounds filter through the trees but this time they’re bullets. Thankfully Azgeda warriors have terrible aim and no one gets hit. Harper and Monty fire back, hitting three targets that suddenly appear. They’re out-numbered but it doesn’t matter if they can make it to Polis and have the protection of the guards. They only hope Azgeda stops attacking when they realize they’ve reached the city line, otherwise the war is surely to begin.

“Then we run,” Monty yells over the gun fire. “Harper, hold them off!” Monty runs to Raven, throws her arm over his shoulder hoists her up.

It’s Kane’s turn and he does the same with Lincoln. “Run west!” Lincoln commands.

“What about the tunnels!” Monty yells. He uses the last of his bullets on a burly warrior charging toward them. Monty hits his mark and the man drops to the ground with a grunt.

“We can’t take the chance of leading them there. It’s better to be caught and taken in.” Lincoln says and Kane nods in agreement.

“I’m out!” Harper yells and throws the gun down.

“Me too,” Monty says.

“Then it’s time to move. Go! Go!” Kane yells and the group messily staggers through the trees and toward safe haven.

 

That last half-mile to Polis is like dragging an out of shape, first-time marathon runner over the finish line with tongs; basically impossible. Unlike predicted, Azgeda warriors didn’t follow them. They stood at the edge of some invisible line and refused to go any further despite having the group in sight. They also had stopped firing at them. Raven thought she caught a glimpse of a girl commanding them to hold their fire but she couldn’t be sure. The pain had her in a daze. A warning arrow was fired at them and landed a foot or so in front of them, signally they had reached Polis. But if that didn’t do it, the enormous tower rising toward the sky did. It was magnificent. They’re all relieved to be taken into the city in chains and led to the dungeons. It’s better than what they had been doing: trekking through the raged forest, napping on wet leaves, and getting attacked by warriors.

Lincoln knew they would be interrogated before Lexa was alerted of their presence since they were unknown, unexpected, and armed.  They had also just made it passed a heavily armed Azgeda army alive – something no man ever accomplishes. So either they’re working with Azgeda or they know something the others do not.

Their welcoming gesture is a hard punch to the face and a kick to the back of the knees. Then their bags are confiscated despite adamant protests and they are thrown in a large dank cell.

“Chon yu bilaik? Hakom yu kamp raun hir?” A woman leading them says harshly as she chains them to the wall.

“Please, we mean no harm. We’ve come to help.” Kane pleads.

“You come with weapons,” a grounder hisses.

“For you!” Raven says.

“Yu spichen,” the woman in charge counters.

“No. It’s the truth ai sis,” Lincoln tells her.

She takes offense and roughly grabs his neck, closing her hand around throat in warning. “Ai nou yu sis.” 

“Noumou,” Indra commands, walking through the mass of grounders surrounding them and for once, the ragged-looking Skaikru party in chains are happy to see her.

“Indra!” Kane begins. “Please--”

“Shof op!” she says harshly and Kane knows it means to stop talking and just listen. “So the traitor returns,” she says looking at Lincoln. “You have seen better days.” She eyes his injury which he covers with his hand to stop the bleeding as much as possible.

“We both have,” Lincoln responds.

It’s not meant to be an insult and Indra doesn’t take it as one. She scoffs in her usual way of acknowledging truthfulness. Then she turns to her warriors, telling them to leave. They’re still chained and Indra has no interest in fixing that but she does slightly relax outside the presence of her warriors as if she knows none of the people in front of her will try anything stupid. They look too pitiful anyway. 


	10. It's Good to See You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is reunited with her friends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Em laik soulou = Is she alone?  
> Min yu op, Indra = Enter  
> En’s ku = It's okay/I'm ok

“Tell me why you’re really here!” Indra growls, her foot pressing violently into the open wound in Lincoln’s leg, his grunts of pain ringing throughout the cell.

“Stop it!” Raven pleads. She can’t take much more of this but Indra ignores her protests and continues.

“Tell me!” Indra yells again, clearly losing her patience and maybe even her nerve. Lincoln used to be a good friend once, and now she has him under her boot like a helpless ant in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“We’ve told you already! We’re just here to help! We’re not with Pike. He recruited everyone for a secret mission but when we found out his plan was to team-up with Roan and dismantle the Coalition we refused to join. He had us imprisoned for that. Raven and Monty freed us two days ago and when we couldn’t reach Octavia over the radio, we immediately came here. We thought you could use help but we didn’t expect to be tortured! What happened to the alliance? What happened to peace?” Kane rants but it’s not useless. He has Indra’s attention and she eases the pressure she has on Lincoln’s leg.

They don’t deserve this treatment. They’re not the enemy and if Indra can’t tell the difference between friend and foe then they’ll surely lose this war and none of them want that.

“The alliance is Lexa’s doing not mine,” Indra hisses. “If it were up to me, I would have killed you all long ago. You’ve brought nothing but death to my people.”

“Death has always been with our people. _Jus drain jus dawn_ has always been the way.” Lincoln reminds her. He heaves heavily through the pain, paling by the minute but hanging in there. He’s strong.

“Indra, please. You know me. You know I wouldn’t betray you or the alliance.” Kane offers, praying the depth of his sincerity is written plainly on his face.

And it may be because everyone grows silent for a while, the sounds of labored breathing the only indication that the room is occupied.

Indra wants to believe them… _knows_ she should. But at every turn, Skaikru has done something to go against her people and yet time and time again Lexa forgives them. Either they are worthy of forgiveness and trust or the Commander, who has done things greater than all the rest, has misplaced her faith. But that is a thought Indra cannot entertain. She won’t. Even though she has lost friends by Skaikru’s actions (after all, her village bleeds because of them) she cannot also lose faith in Heda because if she does, what does she have left? Nevertheless, she can’t help but feel some satisfaction from seeing them bruised and chained now.

She allows herself to look down at Lincoln, really look at him for once since his betrayal. She remembers when he was a boy, bright-eyed and naïve. And now he’s struggling to stay conscious. Yet still, there is the same glimmer in his eyes he had as a child. It’s a beacon of peace and justice that few have. He told her Azegda warriors attacked them on their way to Polis. But if she trusts him and that isn’t true - if this is all an act to sell the lie - then she could be putting her people, putting _Heda_ , in danger. She can’t do that.

But then she looks at Kane, someone she has slowly grown to know. His decisions are wise and his faith is rightly placed. His eyes plead in earnest. It’s so evident on his face that she has to look away.

The others look at her the same way. No lies escape from their lips. Indra knows she’s grown soft with age but something tells her to believe them. And if in the off chance that they are lying, she will personally make sure that they die a slow and painful death.

And with that, Indra turns to leave the cell without a word. She hears Kane and the others call out to her but she’s already made up her mind.

*** 

Before finding Lexa and alerting her to Skaikru’s presence, Indra graciously stops by the medical barracks. She informs two healers of the condition of her Skaikru prisoners. She knows if Lincoln isn’t attended to soon, he will die and despite his new allegiance, she does not want that for him. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Em laik soulou?” Indra asks one of Lexa’s guards once she’s standing outside of her room.  He looks as if he could be her brother and his demeanor is similar as well because a curt nod is all she gets in response.

She takes that as a yes and proceeds to knock. “Pardon me, Heda but there has been a development.”

“Min yu op, Indra.” Lexa says tiredly from inside her room.

Indra enters to find Lexa is laying on one of the couches, a hand draped over the wound on her side. She looks so tired and young in that moment that it causes Indra to pause. She knows hedas don’t live to be much older than Lexa is now and at the moment it’s disheartening.

Of course Lexa notices Indra’s expression so she asks the obvious question to remind Indra why she’s here. “What news is there for me, Indra?” But when Indra doesn’t continue, unconvinced, Lexa adds, “En’s ku.”

Lexa notices Indra’s faint nod in appreciation. Despite the armor, she cares.

“Members of Skaikru were captured today outside of Polis walls. They had weapons.” Indra begins.

Lexa sits up a bit at that, her concern peeking through the creases on her forehead and the twitch of her lips. “Who?”

“Lincoln, Kane, and three others,” Indra answers, not bothering to name the rest. “They were injured but I’ve had them attended to.”

“Where are they?”

“In the dungeons. What would you like me to do, Heda?”

“Release them.” Lexa commands. “You should have told me immediately. Kane and Lincoln are not threats and they should not be treated as prisoners.”

“Heda, that is unwise. We do not know their intentions. They came here with weapons. They could be working with Pike! We don’t know their true motive. Let me find out.” They both know it wouldn’t take long for Indra to get them to talk but that is not necessary.

“No. If you think my decision is unwise, fine. But you will do as I command. Will you defy me, Indra?” Lexa hates talking to her this way but she can’t have Clarke’s people locked away. Not when they’ve come to help. Indra’s pride and stubbornness will have to wait.

“No Heda. I will not.” Indra says flatly. She would never and they both know it. But it’s a game they must play.

“Good. Then escort them to the throne room when they are ready. I will be there shortly,” Lexa tells her.

“Yes, Heda,” Indra says and she takes her leave.

Lexa audibly sighs when her general is gone. Lexa knows she must inform Clarke of her peoples’ arrival and she knows she will be displeased to learn they were locked up but it was not Lexa’s doing. She must know that.

But telling Clarke will at least be a nice excuse to see her… not that she needs an excuse anymore. Not since last night and this morning. They may have finally torn down the barrier that has been between them since the mountain. For a long time, Lexa thought her decision may have cost her Clarke’s love. But yesterday couldn’t have proved her more wrong. The constant dead weight on her shoulders has lifted some. This is the most alive Lexa has felt in a long time but she’s afraid the feeling will slip through her fingers like water if she isn’t careful.  

 

As soon as Lexa knocks on the door, Clarke opens it, standing there in casual clothes, looking lovely as ever, and Lexa wants nothing more than to kiss her. So when Clarke leans in, Lexa readily captures her lips with her own. And for brief moment, Lexa forgets why she came. It’s as if this was all she needed – Clarke’s soft lips and her softer touch.

“Hello, Commander,” Clarke chimes, smiling and capturing Lexa’s lips with her own once more. 

 As much as Lexa wishes this was why she came, it isn’t. “Your people are here,” Lexa says seriously and she reluctantly pulls back.

“What?” Clarke asks surprised. This was not what she expected from Lexa’s visit. “Who’s here?

“I am told that Kane, Lincoln, and three others arrived this evening baring weapons.” Lexa begins.

“What, no. That doesn’t make sense.”

“I agree. I’ve requested they be brought to the throne room for questioning. They should be there now waiting for us, if you are ready.”

Clarke doesn’t need to say anything. She just takes Lexa’s hand and closes her bedroom door behind her.

When they get to the throne room, she sees Kane looking uneasy, his hair a ruffled greasy mess, his eyes surrounded by dark circles, and his face scratched and bruised. Harper and Monty don’t look much better. They look like hell.

Monty and Harper take in their surroundings in awe. The throne room is magnificent and unlike anything they’ve seen. This is the first time they’ve been to Polis and they can’t help but take it in, despite the circumstances. That’s when Clarke notices the subtle way Harper leans into Monty’s shoulder when he speaks, the way Monty brushes his hand across her own – the lightest of touch but the largest of meaning. It says, I want you close. It’s a closeness they definitely did not have before Clarke left Arkadia a few months ago. So much has changed in that time for her and for her people. She wonders idly what else she’s missed.

Lexa’s voice interrupts her thoughts. “Thank you for joining us. I know the trip from Arkadia must not have been easy.”

“What are you doing here?” Clarke gets right to the point.   

“It’s good to see you too, Clarke.” _A “hello” would be nice._ “Your mother sends her regards but, as I’m sure you know, she’s needed in Arkadia.” Kane begins. He touches Clarke’s arm in a show of sincerity.

“Yes. I’m sure. It’s good to see you too; all of you.” Clarke replies. Now that the pleasantries are over, she’d really like an explanation. “Why are you here?”

“There is an army of Azgeda warriors in the woods between here and Arkadia. Pike has locked up everyone that disagrees with his policies and he’s joined forces with King Roan. They plan on dismantling the coalition.”

“We know.” Lexa jumps in. “And we are prepared for an attack, should it come to that.”

“Well if you know, then you also know you can use all the help you can get,” Monty says, stepping over to where Clarke is standing. “We’re here to even the playing field.”

This peaks Lexa’s interest. “Go on.”

Monty and Harper drop their bags and open them –revealing the weapons that Raven built. Lexa eyes them curiously.

“We know you would never approve using guns but we’re brought some other things that you may like instead and that will get the job done,” Monty continues.

Lexa smirks. Skaikru does have its uses.

“This is great!” Clarke exclaims, looking from the bag of hand-held dirty bombs, flamethrowers and a ton of other things Clarke can’t identify but knows they’ll come in handy. “This could give us an advantage.”

“That’s what we’re hoping.” Harper says.

“We want to help. Pike needs to be stopped.” Monty adds.

“Thank you.” Lexa shakes their hands. “You are all welcome to stay here. I can have someone show you to your rooms,” Lexa tells them. “Lincoln and Raven will receive the best care.”

“Thank you, Lexa.” Kane says. 

“You are welcomed to visit Lincoln and Raven. They are with the healers.” Lexa whispers to Clarke, her lips so close to Clarke that she can feel the gentle breeze of her breath on her ear and neck. It sends shivers down her spin. _All I need is five minutes._ Clarke thinks to herself hungrily and imagines all the things she could do to Lexa with that time. But she has to remind herself that Lexa is also hurt and needs to take it easy. What they did last night can’t happen again if Lexa is to heal properly. But _god_ does she want it to.

When Lexa briskly walks out the throne room, her cloak regally trailing in her wake, Clarke can’t help but to turn and watch her go. She fights the urge to run after her.

“No wonder you didn’t want to come back to Arkadia,” Monty says not unkindly when he sees Clarke eyeing Lexa. Clarke faces him, desperately hoping she looks innocent even though they’re both aware she’s not.  

“It’s not like that,” Clarke says but sounds like the lie it is. If she’s honest with herself, half of the reason Clarke has stayed in Polis this long is because of Lexa. Her duties as ambassador ended when Pike rejected Skaikru as the Thirteenth Clan.

“So it’s the digs, then?” Monty offers with a smile. If Clarke wants to pretend, he’ll play.

“Oh it’s definitely the digs,” Harper replies for Clarke and they all chuckle, lightening the mood a bit.

“Get settled,” Clarke says after a while. “We’ll meet in the morning.” They turn to leave but Clarke calls out to them before they’re out of earshot. “It really is good to see you all.”

 ***

Clarke makes her way down to the medical barracks to visit Raven and Lincoln and to thank them for sacrificing everything to come to Polis and help fight Roan and Pike. They truly are good friends.

She finds Raven and Lincoln are in a large room, tucked behind the general medical barracks which are usually full of cots and patients. The back room, is usually reserved for the Commander and leaders of the clans who may need medical care. It is rarely used and Lexa has kindly moved Lincoln and Raven to that room for the night so they can have some privacy.

They are cots positioned opposite each other, with Raven on the left and Lincoln on the right. An old woman, a very good resident healer of Polis, tends to Lincoln while Raven appears to be resting peacefully on her own.

Clarke hates disturbing her but since Lincoln is being attended to first, Clarke decides to visit Raven.

“Raven,” Clarke says quietly once she’s made her way over to her friend’s bed. It’s late in the night and Clarke knows the journey from Arkadia to Polis is long and rough but she hopes Raven is not asleep. How she made the trip with her leg, is beyond Clarke’s guess.

Raven turns over in the bed of fur she’s lying on and gives Clarke a welcoming smile. One Clarke feels she doesn’t deserve.

“Clarke!” Raven beams and reaches out to hug her. They haven’t seen each other in a while and so much has changed that it feels like years have passed even though it’s only been months. It’s nice to see her, even under the circumstances.

Clarke holds onto Raven tightly before finally letting her go. She’s missed her. “Are you all right?” Clarke asks concerned.

“I’ll be fine. Just some discomfort in my leg. The usual.” Raven tries to play it off but she knows Clarke isn’t buying it. Clarke can put two and two together easy enough. She does have medical training after all. The long trip to Polis plus the bad leg equals disaster. “I’ll be fine, Clarke. Really.” Raven assures her when Clarke gives her a stern look. Raven decides to change the subject. “Did you talk to the others?”

“Yes. Thank you for helping.” Clarke replies seriously.

“I’ll always have your back.” Raven tells her and she means it. They may have gotten off to a rocky start but Clarke has become her best friend and she’ll do anything to help her.

Clarke smiles and squeezes Raven's hand. “I should let you to rest. When you feel up to it, there’s a room waiting for you upstairs. I’ll come see you in the morning.” Clarke tells her.

“Hey,” Raven catches Clarke’s hand as she turns to leave. “It’s good to see you again.”

Clarke smiles and squeezes Raven’s hand. “You too.”

Clarke passes Octavia on her way out. The young girl practically bolts into the room and over to where Lincoln is laying on a bed.

“Lincoln! Are you okay?” Octavia brushes her hand over Lincoln’s face tenderly. She’s getting in the healer’s way but she doesn’t care. 

“Oktaivia” he says tiredly, half from the pain concoction he was given and half from pure exhaustion. He may look weak but he’s strong and he’ll pull through. He must.

 Clarke watches in silence as her friends steal a kiss and can’t help but think of Lexa. Does she have with Lexa what Octavia has with Lincoln? Is it even possible? Lexa is Commander of the Twelve Clans. She’s _Heda_ , a leader who would sacrifice everything she loves in order to protect her people. And deep down, Clarke knows she would do the same. So where does that leave them? They don’t have the luxury of love. Isn’t that what Lexa had said to her at Finn’s pyre? Love is weakness?

But Clarke thinks back to what Lexa said to her this morning when they were still just Clarke and Lexa, and she’s reminded of the importance of savoring the here and now. And to do that, she has no choice but to push the insecure thoughts from her mind lest she drown in them. Love can't be weakness. And as much as Clarke tries to deny it, and she’s been trying for a long time, she loves Lexa. So if she and Lexa are going to survive this –survive owing their _lives_ to their people – then love is going to have to be their strength.

 ***

Clarke's making her way down the hall to her room when the flicker of candles seeping out the bottom of Lexa’s bedroom door catches her eye. _She’s awake._  

“Come in, Clarke.” Lexa says when she hears the blonde lightly knocking at her door.

Clarke smiles and pushes the door open, closing it behind her. Lexa’s back is to her and she’s blowing out candles on the far side of her room. She wears the same silky night gown she wore after her fight with Roan. It catches Clarke off-guard and she can feel her heart skip a beat and a fire spark to life deep within her. Clarke walks over to Lexa and slides her hands around her waist, pressing against Lexa’s back. At first Lexa stiffens but instantly relaxes when Clarke places a soft kiss to her neck.

“I missed you today,” Clarke says in her ear.

“A commander’s duties never end.” Lexa replies timidly.

“I know. I just wish we had more time to ourselves. Sometimes I wish we owed nothing more to our people,” Clarke confesses.

“As do I,” Lexa whispers. She truly wishes she could spend all day every day with Clarke but she was born to lead, same as Clarke. And yet it doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy stolen moments like this one.

Lexa turns to face Clarke and kisses her gingerly. It’s longer than their earlier kiss and much more tender; loving. When it ends, Clarke blows out the few remaining candles and leads them over to Lexa’s bed. She climbs into it, sinking into the cushions and pulling Lexa down with her.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Clarke asks once they're all settled.

“Always.” Lexa replies intently and it makes Clarke’s heart swell.

Lexa is laying on her back to avoid re-opening her wound and Clarke is snuggling up to her side, holding Lexa's body in her arms. She strokes Lexa’s arm soothingly before hugging her tightly. She never wants to let her go.

There is a peaceful silence between them for a while and if Clarke wasn’t listening to Lexa’s rapidly beating heart, she would assume Lexa had fallen asleep. But Clarke can tell that Lexa wants to say something and Clarke won’t push her. They have all the time in the world tonight.

“Will you have dinner with me tomorrow evening?” Lexa asks at last.

Clarke can’t help but smile. “I will.”

Lexa turns her head and looks at Clarke. The smile on her face makes Clarke happier than she’s ever felt. It's the simplest thing, not even a confession for they both have suspected it but in this moment Clarke knows Lexa loves her and Lexa knows that Clarke loves her back.

 ***

When Clarke wakes up the next morning, Lexa is gone but she’s not surprised. Lexa always has early morning training with her Nightbloods and now that a war is on the horizon, she also needs to train with her warriors. Clarke’s grateful her diplomatic duties are less demanding. She gets to sleep in.

Clarke can’t wait for tonight. She’s already going over what she’ll wear in her head when she walks back to her room. Sara’s left a tray of food for her on her bed and Clark plops a few berries into her mouth and takes a few sips of the bitter morning tea she’s grown to love. Sara’s been bringing it to her every morning since she’s arrived in Polis. At first it tasted like rotten fruit but eventually it grew on her and now she can’t go a single morning without it.

When she finishes her breakfast, Clarke begins to wash her face in the washing bowl in the small bathroom connected to her room. That’s when a violent wave of nausea hits her. It’s so bad, Clarke has to grab onto the small bowl for support. It topples to the ground with a crash, breaking into pieces and sending water flying everywhere. But Clarke doesn’t notice. She’s too concerned with the growing loss of focus in her vision and the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something's terribly wrong.

 _Think, Clarke. Don’t panic._ She tells herself. But that’s exactly what she’s doing: panicking.

It feels like she’s trying to run underwater. She’s using all her energy but going nowhere. The air around her grows thick and her vision darkens as she’s swallowed further and further under. She finally collapses, hitting the ground with a dull thump. The last thing she thinks of before total darkness ensues is the taste of Lexa’s lips and her warm embrace.


	11. The Bitter Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is revealed.

It’s during yet another council meeting that Lexa realizes she hasn’t seen Clarke all day. Not that it’s abnormal for Lexa not to see her but the light detection of movement in Clarke’s room when Lexa walks by or the faint smell of Clarke’s aroma lingering in the places she frequents, like the library, are absent today. It’s almost as if she’s not in Polis at all and it’s _that_ feeling that’s unsettling and has begun to slowly gnaw at Lexa throughout the day.  

Lexa’s sitting at the head of the large rectangular table where leaders of the clans discuss strategy and the use of Raven’s new weapons. She’s supposed to be listening but all she can think about is Clarke.  

“Commander? What do you think?” A general from Sankru asks her inquisitively. He looks like his home, sandy brown hair and ashen skin weathered with time. He’s the oldest general here and the wisest. He’s seen more war than them all and served more commanders than Titus. Lexa trusts his judgment so even though she hasn’t been paying attention to a word he’s been saying for the past few minutes, she nods in approval without hesitation.

She wishes Luna was still here to calm her nerves, assure her everything is fine, and to remind her that Clarke can take care of herself. But her friend has since gone back to her people so Lexa has to deal with this on her own. She knows she needs to end this meeting, at least briefly, so she can find Clarke and quell the uncomfortable feeling growing inside her by the minute.

“That’s enough for now. Let us take a break.” Lexa says calmly but she feels anything but.

Titus looks her way, disapproval written plainly on his face, but she ignores him with ease. She has no time for his questions or his lessons at the moment. There is some mumbling from the other leaders at the table in expression of their reluctance to end so soon but Lexa pays them no mind. They are under her rule and they will do as she tells them. And right now, she’s telling them to take a break.

Titus swiftly grabs her arm just before she reaches the door. _Of all the times, Titus._ Lexa glances down at his hand as if he has broken some unspoken social code and he releases it.

“Pardon me Heda, but I’ve notice that you have been distracted today.”

“Why do you say that?” Lexa plays dumb though they both know Titus is right.

“Because you barely said two words during the meeting. This is no time for distractions. You must be focused if we are to win this war. You know I disprove of using Skaikru weapons, whether or not they are guns. If we must, we should at least use them wisely but with your head in the clouds you could jeopardize everything.”

Lexa lets him go on his little rant. She knows his position on the issue of Raven’s inventions but it is ultimately up to her. She is the Commander after all. It’s not that she doesn’t respect his opinion but he can be old-fashioned and now is not the time for old tricks.

“Enough.” Lexa has more pressing matters to attend to.

“Heda, we need to discuss--”

Lexa briskly raises her hand, silencing him without even bothering to look him in the eye and storms out the room unfazed. She’s headed straight for Clarke’s room, hoping a sickness has been the source of her missing presence rather than something worse. She doesn’t want to think of the last time she felt this way. She can’t.

Lexa stands erect outside Clarke’s door, her hands sweating with anticipation. _Go._ Lexa tells herself. When she pushes the door open, everything appears as it should be although the room is empty. Lexa walks around a bit, running her fingers over the covers of Clarke’s bed which hasn’t been slept in. Her thoughts flood with memories of the previous night, of how happy Lexa was just to be in Clarke’s arms. She hasn’t been held like that in ages.

Lexa’s just about to turn and search for Clarke elsewhere when a flash of sunlight reflects off something on the floor in Clarke’s bathroom and catches her eye. She approaches slowly until she can make out what it is. The wash bowl. It lays fragmented on the stone floor, the colorful glazed pieces shinning in the afternoon sunlight. It’s the only piece of evidence she has to work with but Lexa doesn’t need any more. Something’s happened.

Lexa feels like a little girl again being ripped from her mother’s arms by a scout and taken to Polis to train as a Nightblood. Helpless. Afraid. And _responsible_.

She couldn’t have been more than four or five when they found her. Her parents had tried to keep her hidden as long as possible, preventing her from attending the local school and opting to homeschool her instead. She didn’t have many friends and she wasn’t allowed to go outside and play. It was a lousy life for a child but nothing compared to life as a Nightblood in Polis. As fate would have it, the day the scouts came, Lexa’s mother was busy attending to her newborn baby sister and Lexa took the rare opportunity to sneak out of the house and play outside. She was racing down the dirt path toward the village square with the neighboring children when her foot caught on a rock and she went tumbling into the dirt, scrapping her knee in the process. Black blood poured out for all the see. The scout happened to be near, heard the commotion, and saw the truth Lexa had been trying to hide her short life. She unthinkingly ran back home as fast as she could, wrapping her tiny arms around her startled mother. The scout came knocking a few minutes later and he took her. The penalty for hiding a Nightblood was death and she never saw her family again nor learned what became of her younger sister.

It’s one of the earliest and most vivid memories she has. The loss of her family left the first of many voids in her heart. _Love is weakness._ Titus would tell her over and over again while she was growing up in Polis. And when she lost Costia, that was the only thing that kept her from losing it. Only when she had convinced herself that Titus’s teachings all those years were the truth, was she able to turn off the pain. It made her think that her parents were weak for hiding her away and that they would still be alive today had they not. She also felt weak for feeling somehow responsible for their deaths. Weak for mourning over Costia’s death for so long and letting her love for her cloud her judgment.

But then there was Clarke. Lexa’s love for Clarke was enough for her to see the fallacy behind Titus’s teachings. Clarke makes Lexa feel things she hasn’t felt since she was a tiny girl in her mother’s arms. And now that feeling was being ripped away from her again.

This time Lexa knows she won’t be able to live with herself if something happens to Clarke. No amount of “love is weakness” will do the trick. She doesn’t even believe in that anymore. Her whole perspective on life has changed since meeting Clarke. The girl fell from the sky and stole her heart. If that isn’t a love story, what is?

Costia managed to steal her heart once, and when she died, so did a part of Lexa, or so she thought, because Clarke has managed to make her feel whole again. If she loses her, there will be nothing left.

She didn’t go after Nia when she killed Costia. Instead, she let the bitch into her alliance. But this time it’s Roan who has betrayed her and she won’t make the same mistake twice. Lexa knows what she has to do.

***

When Clarke comes to again, her hands and feet are bound and a hood is draped over her head, blocking out her surroundings. But she doesn’t need sight to know she’s not in Polis anymore. The strong smells of grass after a fresh rain and burnt coal from a fire pit fills her nostrils. She can hear the muffled chirping of birds overhead. She’s outside, probably in a tent from the feel of a metal pole pressing into her back and the rustling of air flowing through the canvas of a tent flap.

 _What the hell is going on?_ Clarke thinks to herself. Her hands and feet are tightly bound with rope and no amount of wiggling will release them. Her stomach is also slightly nauseous and it feels like she ate something she shouldn’t have.

And that’s when she realizes what must have happened. The last thing Clarke remembers is eating breakfast and washing her face in her room in Polis. She had fresh fruit and tea, same as always, so either the fruit or the tea put her in this predicament and since Clarke barely had any fruit, her money’s on the tea. But it’s never left her feeling sick or caused her to blackout before which only leads to one logical outcome: the tea was poisoned. She must have been drugged and brought here, wherever here is.

Suddenly the tent flap opens and two sets of boots confidently stride in followed by a set of lighter, more reserved footsteps.

“Wake her!” One of them demands and Clarke’s heartrate rises in panic because she knows that voice from somewhere.

And then someone is stomping over to Clarke and roughly yanking the hood over her head, finally revealing her surroundings.

“What’s going on?” Clarke demands with as much authority as possible in her current state. And when her vision finally focuses she can make out who exactly is in the room and she’s stunned. A huge grounder stands off to her immediate right holding the hood. His face is marked with Ice Nation symbols. He must be the muscle. Ontari is to his left nearest the entrance. A long black cape covered in dirt and blood billows out beneath her and two swords are strapped to a belt on either side of her waist. She’s clearly in charge. And behind the Nightblood is little Sara, who looks just as sorry as she does terrified. “Ontari,” Clarke says through clenched teeth.

“ _Wanheda_. We’ve been waiting for you.” Ontari says coolly.

 “What am I doing here? What is Sara doing here?” Clarke asks her.

“Oh Sara has been most helpful to me this past week. She’s told me many things.” Ontari answers with a smirk and it makes Clarke’s blood boil. Sara’s working for Ontari. She’s working for Azgeda.

“I’m sorry Clarke,” Sara says quickly but Ontari instantly reacts, slapping the girl violently with the back of her hand.

“Shut up! You’ve done your part.” Ontari hisses.

“Where’s Roan?” Clarke asks, trying to distract Ontari from Sara who’s now holding her cheek and fighting off tears.

“Roan is dead.”

“What?! But the alliance with Pike?” Clarke’s thoroughly confused and now the slimy tendrils of fear are gripping her. So much for a possible negotiation. Ontari would never go for it. Not now that Lexa’s killed her Queen – likely the only family she’s ever known.

“Roan never made the alliance with Pike. I did. Roan wanted nothing to do with him or the rest of the Sky People for that matter. Pike approached Roan with an offer. He knew of the… _differences_ …Ice Nation shared with Lexa and said he would help Roan get revenge for his mother’s death in exchange for the land surrounding Polis. It’s not clear how Pike knew Queen Nia was dead but apparently he didn’t know that Roan would never avenge her death. Lexa made him King and he wasn’t going to go against her. In fact, Roan wanted to tell Lexa that Pike was looking for fertile land and was willing to kill for it but I couldn’t let him do that.”

“So you killed him,” Clarke connects the dots. “But why side with Pike?”

“Your people have so many helpful resources that the Ice Nation could use to finally get out from under Lexa’s thumb.” Ontari tells her valiantly. “Besides, Lexa’s been Heda long enough. The throne was always supposed to be mine.”

Clarke couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Ontari killed her king and sided with a traitor for his weapons all to become Commander. How long had she been planning this?

“And Sara?” Clarke asks. Why bring her into this?

“Sara has played a very special role in all of this, haven’t you, Sara?” Ontari roughly grabs the bottom of Sara’s chin, forcing her to nod. Then she shoves the girl away just as quickly. “She has been my eyes and ears in Polis. She’s told me everything I need to know about you and Lexa.”

Clarke frowns. “Me and Lexa? Lexa is the Commander and I am…was…Skaikru’s ambassador. What could you possibly have learned besides that?”

“Well from what Sara tells me, you are much more than her ambassador,” Ontari laughs. She’s enjoying this.

Clarke’s blood runs cold. Her anger has quickly been replaced with fear as everything falls into place. Sara’s been gaining intel on her and Lexa’s relationship. That’s why she’s been asking all those questions about her and Lexa – about their feelings for one another. Ontari wants to exploit their relationship and use Clarke as leverage. But for what?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” It’s the main thing that’s been bugging Clarke since Ontari revealed herself.

“All a part of the plan. And besides, it feels good to finally tell someone,” Ontari laughs again and it sounds as cold and as hallow as her heart.

“And what exactly is that plan? Why am I here? Why haven’t you attacked Polis?” Now that she’s pretty sure, Ontari is going to kill her, otherwise she wouldn’t be telling her her evil plan, Clarke might as well get all the answers she seeks.

“Patience,” Ontari replies. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Ontari nods to her bulky companion and he stalks over to where Clarke is sitting and pulls the scratchy hood back over her head. Apparently, their conversation has ended.

“You won’t get away with this! Lexa will figure it out! She’ll find you and she’ll KILL you, you bitch!” Clarke fumes from underneath the hood but she can practically see Ontari smiling at her words. That must be the plan… for Lexa to attack first. They’re luring her out. But why? If she wasn’t going to get the answers from Ontari, she’ll have to get them another way.

Once she’s sure Ontari and her guard have left, Clarke moves to plan B. “Sara? Sara, wait.” It’s a long shot, especially since the girl she thought she knew turned out to be a traitor, but what other option does she have?

There’s silence for a long time and for a second Clarke thinks she’s alone.

“I’m sorry Clarke,” Sara says quietly. Clarke can tell she’s crying by the rhythmic sniffling. “She threatened my family.”

“What exactly did you tell her,” Clarke asks worriedly. Had Sara actually _seen_ her and Lexa together or just put the pieces together?

“The truth,” Sara answers and Clarke waits, confused. “That you’re in love with each other.”

Clarke nearly chokes on her own saliva. “She’s an ally, a _friend_.” She lies, hoping that on the off chance, Sara will tell Ontari and it will save her and Lexa from whatever is planned. But Sara sees right through her. She’s too wise for her age.

“No,” Sara responds definitively as if she’s not going to be persuaded. “You two are lovers. I’ve seen you together.”

Clarke feels sick. Sara’s been spying on her and Lexa this whole time and now Ontari knows everything. She trusted Sara and she betrayed her. Could this get any worse?

“You don’t even know what love is,” Clarke says bitterly. “You’re twelve years old, thirteen at the most.”

“We don’t measure age with time. And I know love. I know it when I see it and I know it in my heart. I wish I didn’t have to tell Queen Ontari but I did. I can’t let anything happen to my family. I’m sorry, Wanheda.”

Clarke can say nothing in return and even if she could, Sara doesn’t give her the chance because Clarke hears her leave a moment later. 

_Queen Ontari,_ what a bitter taste that must leave in one’s mouth. They are dealing with someone just as ruthless as the late Queen Nia and nothing about that brings her comfort.

Later that night, when the pain of being tied up all day has set in her muscles, when her bones ache in discomfort, when her stomach growls with hunger and her throat burns with thirst, Clarke thinks of Lexa. They should be having dinner right now and the thought of it pains her. Lexa is surely worried and this time she has a good reason to be, but Clarke hopes that Lexa won't do anything foolish. She needs Lexa to think of the bigger picture like she always does. She has to put her people first, even if it means leaving Clarke to die here. Ontari is one step ahead of them and if they are going to win this, Lexa needs to be levelheaded. Ontari’s plan is to force Lexa to attack and even though Clarke knows Lexa likely wants to, she prays it is the last thing she does for both of their sakes. Clarke only hopes Lexa realizes that before it’s too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see that coming?


	12. Maybe Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to escape and Lexa makes a fateful decision

She’s not sure how long she’s been tied up, but judging by the painful sting of rope burn on her wrists and ankles, the tingling numbness in her arms and legs, the lightheadedness of hunger and fatigue, and the dry scrape of her tongue against the roof of her mouth from lack of water, Clarke would guess it has been quite a long time. No one has entered the tent since Sara left, however long ago that was, and it has been rather quiet outside. Only the incessant chirping of birds outside the tent keep her company but even they tell her little about where she is. If only she knew, maybe she could escape.

That’s all she’s really been thinking of these past few hours. If she stays here, she’ll surely die, one way or the other. Ontari seems just as ruthless as Nia and Clarke knows what happened the last time one of Lexa’s girlfriends was taken. She’s going to be tortured and then beheaded because she’ll die before she gives Ontari what she’s looking for, whatever that may be. Thinking about it makes her stomach turn.

But does Clarke really have the same status Costia did? Is she Lexa’s girlfriend or just a crush? Sara and Ontari seem to think she’s special enough to take hostage so maybe she is but knowing one way or the other doesn’t help much. She’s in the same predicament all the same. Still, thinking of herself as Lexa’s girlfriend makes her heart soar, even if it might not be true.

Clarke wiggles her hands in an attempt to free herself for the hundredth time. It also has the added bonus of keeping the blood flowing. She pushes and pulls at the ropes, but they’re so tight, there’s barely any wiggle room. She didn’t have any weapons on her when she was taken so unless she can persuade someone to release her, she’s not going anywhere. But she has an idea.

“Stop trying to escape,” a grounder says unexpectedly from the front of the tent. He must have walked in the same time Clarke was trying to free herself. She’s almost relieved to hear him. She has to have been tied up for at least a day by now. She thought they forgot about her.

“Well it’s about time,” Clarke rasps from the dryness in her throat. The grounder says nothing in response, just walks over to her and yanks the dusty hood off her head. Fresh air at last! “Can I get some water or a bathroom break? I’m dying over here.”

He looks confused at first, not understanding the meaning of her words, but then chuckles when Clarke points to her bladder. “Go where you are,” he says smirking.  

 _What an asshole._ Clarke thinks. “No! Take me outside,” she commands of him but he only looks at her amusedly. “Please, it won’t take long.” Clarke forces smile but he doesn’t care.  

“You’re already filthy,” he tells her, pointing at Clarke with her dirty hair and mud and grass stained clothes. “No one will tell the difference.” He clutches at his sides and laughs heartily—clearly enjoying the situation.

“You’re a savage,” Clarke spews. Clarke knows she shouldn’t say that because Lexa has proven most grounders are anything but, but she can’t help herself. She’s been tied up in this dusty tent for an entire day with no food or water so screw manners and screw him.

The grounder’s face hardens at her words. He’s not laughing anymore. In fact, he takes it upon himself to abruptly strike her across the face.

“That’s all you’ve got?” Clarke taunts as she spits out the blood collecting in her mouth.

He raises his hand again and it’s inches from Clarke’s face when Ontari briskly walks and barks orders for him to stop. It’s not out of mercy for Clarke but more out of a need to maintain a semblance of order and obedience amongst her men.

“Noumou!” Ontari scolds. She looks at Clarke with her head cocked to the side, surveying her like a prize and it makes Clarke’s blood boil. “That is no way to treat a guest,” Ontari tells him in jest.

“Tying someone up for a day with no food or water is no way to treat a guest either,” Clarke informs her. “But you can make it up to me. I need to pee.”

Ontari looks at her minion and he says the word for “pee” in Trigedasleng. Ontari’s facial expression is lifeless as  she eyes Clarke eerily . She’s probably thinking of the smell she’ll have to deal with if she doesn’t let Clarke go outside like a decent human being.

“I’ll be quick,” Clarke adds. Just a few minutes outside should be enough time for her to get a better grasp of where she is in relation to Polis so she can plan an escape. It’s a longshot but it’s the only hope she has.

“Sis em op,” Ontari finally commands to the grounder next to her, sounding bored. “When you return, we will continue our talk from yesterday.”

“Can’t wait,” Clarke says sarcastically as Ontari pulls the flap of the tent back to leave. She’s stops abruptly.

“I’d watch your tongue if I were you,” Ontari says, turning around and strolling up to where Clarke is sitting. She squats in front of Clarke and levels herself face-to-face with the blonde, her cloak flowing around her in a pool of black leather. “If you don’t, I will _cut_. _it_. _out_. You don’t need it for what I have planned,” hisses menacingly, annunciating every syllable for emphasis.

Ontari pats Clarke on the head in the most demeaning when Clarke doesn’t say anything and then gets up to leave. Clarke can feel where Ontari’s hand, likely covered in the same amount of blood from her kills as Clarke, had just been on her head and she wishes she could scrub it away.

Ontari opens the flap of the tent, letting sunlight shine into the otherwise dark tent and Clarke has the urge to reach out for it.

“Oh and Clarke?” Ontari says. “If you even think about trying to escape, I will know and I will make the rest of your time here worse than death.” Then she dramatically storms out. Clarke can only roll her eyes.

The grounder, who Clarke decides to call Joel since she doesn’t know his real name, who’s been obediently silent throughout the exchange, is now back in charge. He laughs at Ontari’s threat while striding toward Clarke. Everything about him rubs her the wrong way. He cuts the rope binding her ankles and yanks her roughly onto her feet. The movement pulls at her muscles angrily. They’re sore from being tied behind her back for the last 12-14 hours, but Clarke tries not to think about the pain in her arms or the stiffness of her legs. The main priority is getting outside this tent and piecing together where she is.

“Not so powerful now, are you Wanheda?” Joel jeers as he grabs onto her arm and leads her toward the tent flap. Just before they make it outside, he pulls on the familiar hood and plunges her into darkness once again.

They walk for what seems like forever. Over rough, uneven ground, and through the woods. The twigs snap beneath her feet and she hears the familiar crunch of fallen leaves. The sounds of the forest remind her of the time she spent in the woods after the fall of Mount Weather. She has almost missed it.

“Hod op ‘ya,” snippy Joel leading her says all of a sudden. Clarke’s still under the hood so she steps around hesitantly. “Go on!” He tells her and pushes her into a small clearing in the trees where there is flat ground and bushes for covering. A bunny darts across the ground, savoring a rare form of freedom.  

“I can’t go with my hands tied behind my back and a hood over my head,” Clarke suggests obviously. Plus, she needs to see if she’s going to run.

“Yu na,” he replies.

“Nou,” Clarke says stubbornly. They’re getting nowhere at this pace. One of them has to relent and it won’t be Clarke. She’s come too far.

He glares at Clarke, well at the hood over her head, for a second, either annoyed or amused, and then shrugs his shoulders and pulls her forward. He starts heading back the way they came when Clarke gives in.

“Wait! Okay. Just, let me at least see what I’m doing? Please? We’re in the woods and no one is around. No harm will come of it and I promise not to say anything to Ontari,” Clarke reasons quickly.

He halts and she’s won him over because he finally yanks the hood over her head and the bright sun hits her face. She didn’t know how much she missed the feeling until now.

Joel watches her curiously and cuts the rope binding her hands. He nudges her shoulder and tells her to go. He holds a sharp knife in his hand, much like the one Lexa always caries, so he doesn’t need to voice the threat. Its presence is enough.

The blissful feeling of finally being able to relieve herself is slightly dampened by the huge man standing across from her but she pretends he’s not there. At least he has the decency to watch her out the corner of his eye, rather than staring directly at her like a creep. Maybe she’s growing on him. Probably not, though.  

Clarke’s wrapping up when the deafening snap of a branch shatters the relative silence surrounding them. Joel stands to attention and grips his knife close. Clarke peeks out from behind the tree she’s against and sees the brief flash of dark blue jeans darting between the trees.

“Osop!” Joel says frantically.

“I am!” Clarke yells back.

When a knife cuts through the air, barely misses Joel’s right ear, and lands with thud in the trunk of the tree opposite Joel’s head, he takes off without warning, forgetting all about Clarke and hunting down the assailant. Clarke’s left unattended, and for a second, she’s frozen, not sure what exactly to do. There are no good options. Run, get caught, die. Stay, die. Isn’t this what she wanted? There seems to be no scenario where she lives. Well, maybe there is one: run and don’t get caught. It’s risky but it’s her best shot of getting out of here alive and back to Lexa.

Clarke jumps to her feet as quickly as possible. She looks for Joel but he’s not in sight. That’s good because if she’s going to do this right, she’ll need a head start. She takes a deep breath to steady her nerves and then takes off, hopefully in the direction opposite of which she came. She can’t hear anyone following her so she keeps going, finally letting herself feel some hope. But, that’s when another figure darts alongside her and then cuts her off, wrapping strong arms around her own. She panics and swings at him but stops when she realizes who it is.

“Murphy! What—what are you doing here?” Clarke stammers, grabbing onto his arm as he takes off again and leads her through the woods.

“Emori’s distracting the meathead but we don’t have much time. Come on! I’ll explain later!” Murphy replies as they dart back and forth between the trees, each crunched leaf and broken twig creating a trial of evidence in their wake.  

They’re moving fast and Clarke’s limbs are screaming for a break. They just got proper circulation back and the overexertion of running isn’t helping.

“Wait. Stop. My legs are killing me.” Clarke pants and pulls on his arm, telling him to stop.  

Murphy rolls his eyes but slows down. He surveys her for a moment and note that she looks more ragged than the last time he saw her. He unhooks the jug of water tied to his waist and hands it to her. Clarke gulps it down greedily, the water clearing the fuzziness in her head some. She hands it back to Murphy sheepishly and he glares at her when he shakes it and realizes its empty.

“Great,” he replies annoyed. “We need to keep moving.”

Clarke’s thankful for the water because now she’s able to push herself a bit more and get where they’re headed. She hopes it’s not too far but anywhere is better than where she was.

“Why are you helping me?” Clarke asks once they’ve taken off again.

“I saw a bunch of grounders bringing someone into their camp yesterday morning and then today, while you were taking a nice stroll with your grounder buddy, I realized it was you. Seemed like you could use some help. Figured I owed you one.”

“Thanks,” Clarke says sincerely. “So where are we going?”

“North. There’s a little village Emori and I have been crashing at for the last few days. Not much but they’re discreet. Emori will meet us there once she’s lost her tail.”

“Sounds good.”

They journey on, passing by an array of moss-covered trees, trekking over thick fallen branches, and sending birds flying high as their footsteps wake their peaceful slumbers. Then finally Murphy tells her they’re close and Clarke lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She’s so relieved because she’s starving and exhausted just like those initial few days spent in the woods after she left Camp Jaha. For a moment, she thinks back on the time she spent “finding herself” like an angst-ridden teenager and wonders how that Clarke would handle this situation. Probably run. Just like she’s running now. Like she’s been doing since she landed on the ground.

“It’s just over that ridge,” Murphy says, pointing to the hilltop across from them.

They’re in another clearing where the land slopes up on either side of them like a bowel and the trees form a thick wall of protection at the top of each ridge. Clarke’s practically shaking with anticipation. She’s actually free. She can wait at the village for a day or two, regain her strength, and then travel back to Polis at night unseen and report what she learned while being held captive by Ontari. The fact that Roan is dead changes things. The motive is similar and the stakes are just as high but Ontari has no semblance of loyalty to anyone other than Nia. She’s cold. She’s ruthless. And she wants blood; Lexa’s blood. 

Murphy and Clarke run down the hill and into the center of the valley. They’re headed back up the other side when four people jump out from their hiding spots in the shadow of the trees, one in front, one in back, and two on either side. They’re completely surround, each person holding guns raised and loaded to fire.

“Surrender!” One of them yells.

“Fuck,” Murphy mumbles as he realizes escaping is impossible. He raises his arms in defeat but Clarke’s more stubborn than that. She didn’t just escape one kidnapper to be taken hostage by another. She’s going to take her chances but then a familiar voice calls out to her.

“Surrender, Clarke,” he says. He walks between the others and into the center of the circle and stands next to Clarke and Murphy. He looks different, more worn down, sadder, and older, than the last time she saw him.

“Bellamy.” Clarke says softly.

“Hello, Clarke.” He sounds detached and cold and the emptiness there tugs at Clarke’s heart. She should be mad at him. He’s a traitor, but he’s still her best friend and she’s missed him.  

She’s about to say something when a second person steps out from the tree-line and walls down into the shallow valley with Clarke, Murphy and Bellamy.

Pike.

Clarke hasn’t seen him since they were back on the Ark. It’s been a long time but he still looks mean and shady. Pike nods to one of the people from Farm Station pointing a gun at Clarke and Murphy. She takes Murphy by the wrists and ties him up. No matter how loud he verbally protests, Murphy still physically cooperates, afraid of the consequences. He’s always had problems with Pike. Even back on the Ark. But Clarke’s not going that easy. The girl moves to tie her hands as well but Clarke slaps her hands away. She raises her gun in one swift threatening motion in response.

“Easy, Margaret,” Pike says calmly. “Hello, Clarke. You seem to be doing quite a bit of traveling lately,” he says knowingly. Clarke just glares at him. He expects her to answer but she holds her tongue because if she opens her mouth, she’ll end up spitting on him just like she did to Lexa. But would that really be so bad? “You don’t want to talk? Fine. You’re going back to Ontari either way. I thought I would give you a chance to see my side of things and make the right choice. But if you want to play it your way, so be it.”

Clarke’s eyes widen in shock and she can’t help but turn to Bellamy for answers.

“You had to have known that we’re working with Ontari,” Bellamy tells her.

“I –you know she’s been keeping me as her prisoner?” Clarke asks angrily.

“Of course we did. Why do you think we are headed that way now?” Pike answers for Bellamy. “Thankfully, we ran into you on our way. She should appreciate the gesture of us returning you. She's not going to be happy that you ran away. The offer for you to join us still stands Clarke.” Pike says.

"Go to hell!" Clarke tells him. Pike nods to Bellamy and to his credit, he hesitates before moving to restrain her. “Bellamy you don’t have to do this!” Clarke pleads, trying to prevent him from grabbing her arms. She searches his eyes for some ounce of compassion but finds none. What happened to the boy she used to know? Did she do this to him? If she hadn’t have left him standing there, pleading for her not to go, would he be different?

 “You’re right. I don’t have to. I want to,” Bellamy says and Clarke bristles but stands her ground. He continues. “You’re a traitor. Can’t you see that? You left your people for a grounder who left us all to die on that mountain.”

“Lexa had no choice! She did what was best for her people and you know we would have done the same!” Clarke defends.

“Wake up Clarke! You think she loves you? She would do the same thing to you she did to us if it came down to it. If it was you or her people, she would never choose you,” Bellamy says cruelly and it makes Clarke’s eyes swell with tears because she knows it’s true.

“How can you live with all the lies?” Pike taunts her.

“How can you!” Clarke practically growls in return.

“I’m not the one with the blood of hundreds on my hands.” Pike gives her a menacing grin and Clarke can’t contain the anger that quickly boils to the surface.

She lunges at him violently and manages to slap him hard across the face before Bellamy pushes her to the ground and yanks her arms behind her back to be tied. She should be used to it by now, the rope and the betrayal, but both still sting every time.

***

“I know they have her.”

“You do not know that.”

“Yes I do.”

“Heda, please listen to me.”

“No.”

Titus and Lexa have been arguing over Clarke’s disappearance and her whereabouts for the better part of an hour. But Lexa isn’t fazed by his display. She’s already made up her mind and listening to his lecture won’t change that.

“You are being foolish! You cannot rush into anything, especially now! You must think this through. Don’t let your feelings for Clarke cloud your judgment. She has done enough damage.”

“I will not hear this again.”

“You will and you must!” Titus yells firmly.

“What truly is your query, Titus, Clarke or my plan to find her?”

Her mentor sighs heavily. “You know how I feel about Sky people.” Titus responds in a reserved manner.

“I do.”

“I don’t see what you see in her. All she has done is made you go against your teachings.”

“She has taught me more in the course of a few months than you have in years.” Titus’s face twitches in his attempt to masquerade the storm of emotions inside. Lexa has her back to him but she knows she has hit a nerve. Regardless, she is relentless. “I owe her my life and I have made it my duty to protect hers.”

Titus scoffs but crosses the room anyway to join Lexa on the balcony overlooking Polis. It’s a beautiful day considering everything and in another life, Lexa would be showing Clarke her favorite parts of the city, eating lunch at Cass and Eloise’s fish shop, and then buying colorful, handwoven cloaks and head wraps from Myra. Or maybe she would be taking Clarke on a picnic near the hidden falls and teaching her how to swim.

But instead, the reality is that Clarke’s missing, possibly dead, and Lexa’s getting ready to attack every known Ice Nation and Skaikru camp until she finds her. If she has to kill every last one of those traitorous bastards so be it. She’s not making the same mistake twice. Her heart can’t afford it. The only reason she isn’t already on her rampage is because of Titus and the miniscule amount of truth in his words.

“Have you chosen her as your own?” Titus asks cautiously.

Lexa’s breath catches in her throat and her heart pumps faster. Will she take Clarke as her own? What a question. Honestly, Lexa hadn’t actually thought about it. Clarke will always have her heart. Lexa has given herself completely to Clarke even though she promised herself she would never do that again. But how could she not? Clarke is everything. She’s broken all the rules to be with Clarke, even her own, and that’s what scares her most.

However, they’ve had such a complicated relationship that the idea of formally taking Clarke as her own for the rest of her life seemed impossible until this week when everything changed with that one kiss. Now when Clarke looks at her, kisses her, _loves_ her in the private moments they share, it makes Lexa think that maybe someday, when they can know more than just war and death, Clarke can truly be hers.

“I may,” Lexa responds after a while, looking into the distance and wondering where amongst the trees Clarke is right now. “And I will not make the same mistake twice.”

“The Coalition will not stand for this. You will lose face amongst your generals if you make such an irrational decision,” Titus warns.

“It is not irrational. It is exactly what my restless warriors need. Everyone is tired of sitting and waiting for something to happen. Something _has_ happened and now it is time to retaliate.” Lexa replies calmly.

“This is a mistake.”

“Then it is mine to make. Ai laik Heda. The Coalition and its warriors will do as I command of them.”

“And they will revolt if you fail.”

Lexa takes in the hustle and bustle of her city. It’s midday and the peak time of trade in the market. Everyone is going about their day as usual. They don’t know the sacrifice she’s about to make and they might not forgive her for it when all is said and done. She’s choosing Clarke over them.

“Then this is how it ends,” Lexa replies almost solemnly.

Titus pinches the bridge of his nose and tries one last time to get Lexa to see reason. “Heda, please! Do not do this.”

“We both know I have already made up my mind.”

“Lexa--”

Lexa raises her hand, silencing him. “Gather the army. We ride at first light.” Then she turns on her heel and leaves Titus on the balcony. Lexa’s stubbornness is just as great as Clarke’s. Only they can change each other’s’ minds. But Clarke isn’t here to tell Lexa how reckless it is to send her warriors into occupied territory to save one girl, even if that girl is the love of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Noumou - enough  
> Sis em op - help her up  
> Hod op ‘ya - stop here  
> Yu na - you will  
> Nou - no  
> Osop- hurry  
> Ai laid Heda - I am Commander


	13. A Series of Simple Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ontari's done playing games. Raven has a talk with Lexa. One by one, everyone needs to make a decision.  
> *Warning* violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was uninspired by this chapter but it was necessary and the next one will be badass. Enjoy!

“She’s going after her isn’t she?” Octavia asks Indra while she watches her mentor put on her armor, tuck a knife into each boot, and stash her sword into the belt on her hip.

“What makes you think that?” Indra asks dumbly. She doesn’t want Octavia in the middle of this but she knows her Second won’t fall for the act.

“Indra, please. I want to fight with you. Clarke is Skaikru and she has saved my life. I owe it to her to do the same.”

“So you fight for Skaikru and not Trikru?” Indra asks harshly. She knows what the girl means, knows she is loyal, but she wants to hear her say it. Needs to here it before they risk their lives in battle.

“I fight for both. But I will fight my own people if it means doing right by Trikru.”

“We aren’t just fighting Skaikru. Azgeda is the strongest clan in the Coalition. Do not underestimate the difficulty of this fight and the others that will follow.”

“I assume nothing, Amin Indra. I will follow you into battle, no matter the stakes,” Octavia replies firmly.

Indra looks at her for a moment and nods. “Then let us go to the Commander and tell her the warriors are ready to move.”

***

The stern question of “where is she?” carries over the rhythmic hobble of a bum leg, the sound echoing off the stone walls. “You heard me, Lexa. Where’s Clarke?” Raven asks again, as she makes her way over to Lexa who has stopped pacing in front of her throne. If it weren't for Raven, she would still be wearing a hole in the floor.

Lexa sighs tiredly and turns to face the girl who is currently interrupting her thoughts. She schools the worried expression on her face into the familiar one of indifference. She is in no mood for questioning let alone by a sky girl with a sharp tongue. “I don’t know where she is, Raven,” Lexa tells her. It’s technically not a lie. She knows who has Clarke but not where she is being held.  

“That’s a lie,” Raven challenges causing Lexa to refrain from rolling her eyes in annoyance. Raven steps closer to the Commander and looks her in the eyes. “I know you know where my friend is and it isn’t here. Why didn’t someone tell us?” she asks, thinking of Monty, Harper, and Kane. “I’m more useful than I look,” Raven adds.

“I know,” Lexa says honestly because she does know how valuable and intelligent Raven is despite her physical limitations.

“How long has she been gone.” Raven asks, her voice surprisingly strong compared to the frantic beating of her heart. She's afraid of the answer but glad Lexa has agreed to speak plainly with her. She owes her that much. 

“Three days.”

Raven lets out a warm breath and shakes her head in disbelief. “So why are you just standing here! Find her! Send scouts! Do something!”

“It’s not that simple, Raven.”

“And why not?” Raven asks. She crosses her arms over her chest and waits impatiently for Lexa’s response.

 _This girl is insufferable_ , Lexa thinks.

“The way I see it," Raven continues, "everything can be boiled down into a series of simple choices. This is one of them.” Raven can tell from the way Lexa’s war paint is splashed across her eyes and cheeks, the neat braids woven and pinned to the back of Lexa's head, and the black leather garb that she's wearing that Lexa is about to go somewhere that requires a fight and if Raven had to bet where, she would bet it was to find Clarke. “Whatever it is you’re planning to do…I want to help.” Raven's definitely not backing down now.

Lexa swallows thickly, knowing Clarke would not appreciate Raven or anyone else risking their lives for her but truth be told, Lexa welcomes the help and won’t deny Raven the honor. Besides, Raven’s not backing down.  “I should have expected nothing less,” Lexa answers stoically, hiding her smirk. Despite all that’s happened to Raven, she has so much determination. It’s impressive. 

Raven and Lexa look at each other for a moment, but before either get the chance to speak, the doors of the throne hall fly open and Indra storms in followed by Octavia. Both are wearing their full war gear, weapons and all. Octavia glances at Raven questioningly. Indra nods curtly to Lexa, ignoring Raven completely before stating her purpose for the intrusion. “We are ready, Heda.” 

“Good. Then we leave now,” Lexa replies.  

“What about me and the others?” Raven asks quickly, not wanting Lexa to skip out on their conversation.

“Walk with me,” Lexa gestures toward the doors and Raven follows keenly, a smile on her face.

***

Cold water splashes across Clarke’s face, causing her to shudder and jerk awake in surprise. She shakes her head to clear the water out of her eyes and ears and then waits for her vision to adjust to the low light inside the tent. What a rude awakening.

When she peers out into the room, her good friend Joel is back but with a giant gash across his left eye which looks to have been recently sown shut. There is a wound on his right arm that is tightly bound with what once was white linen but is now tinged red from blood seeping through the fabric. He’s seen better days to say the least and Clarke smiles because Emori must have got to him before slipping away since she’s nowhere in sight now. That's what Clarke tells herself at least, because she doesn't want to think of the other option. Next to Joel is Ontari, grumpier than usual, and next to her is Pike, just as smug as always.

“Finally…You’re more trouble than you’re worth,” Ontari remarks, annoyed.

“Then let me go,” Clarke says obviously.

Ontari makes a sound that could either be a laugh or a raspy cough. “I have other plans for you.”

“You say that and yet, here I am, in the same spot as I’ve been for the last 3 days. Seems like you don’t know what you want from me.”

“You’re already serving your purpose,” Pike answers Clarke cryptically and Clarke glares at him, her brow furrowing in suspicion.

 _What the hell does that mean?_ Clarke thinks to herself while shifting uncomfortably in her rope binds. Before she can ponder an answer to her question, Pike speaks again, but this time to Ontari as if Clarke isn’t there.

“Everything is going as planned. We returned Clarke to you and even brought you…a pet.”

“Ah yes, he has turned out to be quiet _useful_.”

 _Murphy_. Clarke’s stomach churns in disgust because she can guess what kind of use Ontari has for him.

“Now it’s time to hold up your end of the bargain,” Pike continues, squaring his shoulders and boldly turning to face Ontari. His mistake is thinking that they are equals. That Ontari won’t just kill him once she’s gotten what she needs from him.

“I will grant you all the land south of Arkadia that you wish _once_ you have upheld _your_ end of the bargain. There is still more to be done though it shouldn’t be long now. I'm growing bored of the waiting.” Ontari replies snidely. She narrows her eyes at Pike, watching his reaction, and when he gives her the faintest of nods in agreement, she turns her attention back to Clarke. The gesture is one of dismissal and once Pike leaves Ontari crouches in front of Clarke, a curious expression on her face. “Lexa leads a search party in your name. She will no longer be protected inside that fortress of hers. She’ll be vulnerable to an attack. It would be a shame if something were to happen...” Ontari taunts and Clarke’s throat goes dry. _So this is your move_ , Clarke thinks. _You want to draw them out and pick them off one by one… and I’m the pawn._

Although Clarke is afraid, she doesn’t show it. She remains indifferent, just like Lexa would, like Lexa taught her. Although her body is weak, she raises her shoulders as best as she can despite the wood at her back, and looks Ontari dead in the eyes.

“What do you want?” Clarke demands, willing Ontari to get to the point. “Why exactly am I here?”

Ontari hesitates for a moment as if contemplating the benefits of telling Clarke now or later. She eventually settles on now. “Join me,” she says. “Tell me what Lexa is planning and I will let you and your little Skaikru friends live.”

Clarke lets out a cold laugh that freezes over the room. “Go to hell,” Clarke spits and Ontari narrows her eyes in contempt. The dark orbs beneath her brow are swirling masses of darkness. The sun seeps through the porous tent and across the Ice Nation marks on Ontari’s face, making her look even more malicious.

“I would be careful if I were you,” Ontari advices, her voice low, almost a growl. She says it as if to give Clarke a chance to take her proposal.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” Clarke replies just as viciously and it’s a standoff between the two most powerful women in the room. Now more than ever, Clarke wants to act on her name. _Wanheda_ , Commander of Death.

“You’re dumber than I thought,” Ontari says. “I guess it’s time to be efficient.” Ontari makes her way out of the tenth and just before exiting calls over her shoulder to Joel, “Make her talk.”

Pike looks at Clarke with something akin to remorse before he too exits, leaving her alone with the one she’s been calling Joel. Maybe Pike was the one who had saved her from outright torture from the moment she arrived at camp. Or maybe she had a guardian angel keeping watch. But at the moment, either way, her luck’s run out. In Clarke’s heart, she wants Lexa to forget about her. To leave her here and stick to the plan to stay on the defensive but all her fear wants is for Lexa to come rescue her. 

It all makes sense now though. Ontari wants to know her enemy’s moves before making her own. _You must know who you are fighting in order to win the war,_ Sun Tzu said. It is possibly the greatest war advice one can follow and Ontari knows it well. Clarke can’t help but feel that Lexa may be underestimating the ingenuity of her opponents, although she still thinks it’s Roan who moves against her.

Lexa is a great warrior and has lived through war her entire life. She knows more strategic plays than all her generals. But now that Clarke is a piece in play, she knows Lexa’s next move will be deadly, but who?

 

“So? What did she say?” Bellamy asks as Pike appears. He’s been impatiently hovering outside the tent where they’re keeping Clarke, anxious for an update. He walks alongside Pike, like he's been doing for weeks now.

“Nothing,” Pike says without looking at Bellamy. He knows Bellamy has feelings for Clarke but such things are too childish to entertain. Bellamy needs to be a man and men make hard choices. Letting Ontari do as she pleases to Clarke to get information is one of them. Pike's not proud of the decision to turn his back on Clarke and the other Sky People but it's the right thing to do. They need food and the grounders need to know Skaikru aren't pushovers.

Finding Clarke in the woods was a blessings because it shows Pike's usefulness. He knows the message and caution the burly grounder was trying to send to Clarke by taking her out to the woods to relieve herself instead of to the communal latrine inside the camp, but it was risky and made the Ice Nation look bad. They thought that treating Clarke as primitively as possible and then offering her a chance at relief was going to work. But they forgot that Clarke lived in the woods for months, that she is not just any Sky girl. They're lucky patrols didn't find her running away and betray Ice Nation for a hefty reward from Lexa for her safe return.

Pike heads toward the small portion of the camp where his people are temporarily housed. Ontari was “kind” enough to provide them with their own space, composed of a few tents, a central fire for cooking, and a communal latrine. They are segregated from the rest but it is safer that way. You can never been too careful.

“So Clarke would rather be tortured then give Ontari what she wants?” Pike shrugs his shoulders, unloading his pack by the camp fire. “This isn’t right.”

“Ontari has her own plans and we have ours. I suggest you get that through your head. Once we get what we want from each other…once Lexa’s dead, Skaikru will be free.” Pike offers.

But that’s not the answer Bellamy was looking for. He wants to help Clarke, even if she is aligned with the wrong side. He can’t not care about her. A small part of him wants to punish Clarke for being so stupid, but the larger part, the part that’s been struggling to accept the majority of Pike’s methods, wants to save her. He knows what Ontari has in store and Clarke is..was..his best friend, he doesn’t want to see her hurt, no matter what she’s done or who she loves. He’s going to have to make a decision and it’s going to define what comes next.  

 

The first punch comes at a shock. To be fair, she wasn’t expecting it. Joel’s knuckles collide aggressively with the side of her cheek, rippling the bone, bruising the muscle, and tearing the flesh. She can feel the warm iron liquid pool in her mouth from the cut on her inner cheek. Her teeth must have grazed it on impact. The fourth punch feels three times as worse as the first because by now, her bruises have bruises. Clarke spits out the blood collecting in her mouth and braces for another one. She can do this all day if she has to. She’s never giving them what they want. This is a wasted exercise.

“Tell me what Heda has planned? What she know?” Joel asks her again in a rough Trigedasleng accent and broken English. He grabs her chin and roughly tilts her head up so he can look into her eyes. They’re shinning a brilliant, determined blue. She will not break.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Clarke replies in half-honesty. Sure, Lexa’s plan was to wait for an offensive attack by Ice Nation and Pike but they can put two-and-two together themselves. They want something else. Something Clarke can’t give them.

A fifth punch in the face and a sixth in the gut. This time a knuckle hits her right eye and it immediately begins to change color and swell shut.

“What’s your name?” Clarke asks him. She might as well know his real name if this is how it is going to be.

He makes a noise that sounds a lot like a huffing dog in protest but doesn’t answer. He decides to ask her another question instead, taking a slightly different approach this time. “You and the Commander…” he motions between the two of them with his hand, implying their closeness.

Clarke slowly lifts her head and rolls her eyes at him, despite the pain it causes. “We what?”

“You’re hers.”

Clarke actually chuckles. “I’m no one’s because I’m not a piece of property to be owned.” He looks at her confused so she asks him again, “Tel ai op yu tagon?”

For a while she doesn’t think he’s going to answer but as he draws his fist back he says, “Ai laik Otan kom Azgedakru.” Then he lands another punch, this one knocking her out cold.

 

Clarke wakes to the refreshing feeling of cold water on her lips and a cool cloth on her swollen face. It’s dark now and Joel—correction— _Otan_ is nowhere to be found. It’s the second blessing Clarke’s had all day, the first being the water. She’s weak, tired, and now beaten. But she knows there is much more they could be doing. They could torture her, like they did Costia. But she hopes for Lexa’s sake, they do not.

“Drein daun, Clarke!” She hears a hushed voice next to her say urgently. “Drein daun.”

She doesn’t question the kindness, just gulps down the water greedily. Then there is bread and dried meat in her mouth and she thinks it might be her birthday.

“This is all my fault,” the voice says again and this time Clarke recognizes it. Sara. “Wigod ai op. I had no choice. She threatened to kill my family! You have to understand.”

Sara feeds another piece of salty meat to Clarke and then balls up the cloth she carried it in the empty water cup. She quickly stands to leave but Clarke calls out to her before she can go. “Sara, hod op. En’s ku. Mochof kom dina en woda.” Sara nods and anxiously looks toward the tent flap. Clarke understands that they don’t have much time. “Just…tell me one thing…” Clarke asks through the pain in her jaw and the pounding headache blurring her vision. “How were you getting in and out of Polis?”

“The tunnels. I snuck out through the tunnels and then come straight to camp.”

Clarke nods, slowly processing what she just heard. “On foot?” Clarke asks suddenly, her eyes going wide.

“Yes,” Sara confirms, but not following Clarke’s line of thought. “It’s not too far away.”

“How long does it take?”

“If I left Polis at dawn, I would get here before the sun was fully up.”

So a few hours. This camp is only hours away from Polis on foot! She is close. So very close to Lexa that she could run to her and be there before sunrise. She has a chance. _They_ have a chance.

***

Lexa cherishes the feeling of the tight leather reins between her fingers, the bouncy sway of her horse’s gallop and the cold breeze against her face. It’s the only thing keeping her grounded. The only semblance of normalcy she has left.

She can’t endure the thought of losing Clarke, especially not like this… _not_ to Ice Nation. She let them into her alliance despite their betrayals and cruelty. She let Queen Nia live despite killing Costia. Titus told her to separate feelings from duty but what Nia did crossed both lines. Not only should she have sought revenge for killing Costia but for making a power play by moving against the Coalition. This time she will not be as forgiving.

When Lexa got down on her knees and swore fealty to Clarke, it wasn’t for show. She meant what she said –that Clarke’s needs are her own, Clarke’s people, her people. She would never betray Clarke again, couldn’t even if she tried and that’s why she can’t now. Lexa wishes she could say that she knows this is the right decision, can feel it in every fiber of her being, but that wouldn’t be the truth.

When Lexa left Clarke to fight the Maunon alone, it was an easy decision. Save her people. She owed nothing to Skaikru, not really. They were the enemy. The enemy of your enemy is your friend in battle. But when your enemy offers you a deal, that changes things. Lexa owed no duty to Clarke and her people then, even though she had feelings for Clarke. 

When Lexa left Clarke to fight the Maunon alone, it was also a hard decision. She had kissed Clarke and then betrayed her. She promised her she would never do that again. She is going to keep that promise even if it gets her killed.

 “Heda, where to?” Ryder’s voice breaks through Lexa’s thoughts and she turns to him before responding.  

“To the nearest village.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Amin Indra- Master indra.  
> Drein daun, Clarke – Drink, Clarke  
> Sara, hod op – Sara wait  
> En’s ku – It’s okay.  
> Mochof kom dina en woda – Thank you for food and water.  
> Tel ai op yu tagon – tell me your name  
> Ai laik Otan kom Azgedakru – I am Otan of the Ice People.  
> Wigod ai op – forgive me


	14. Yu gonplei nou ste odon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets Clarke back!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter is particularly gruesome and there's a character death so if that kind of stuff bothers you then skip this chapter. 
> 
> Also, sorry for the long wait. I had writers block but I'm back with a long chapter in apology.

“Do you think they would really keep her in such close proximity?” Ryder asks his commander. He’s usually a man of few words, only speaking when necessary, yet this time he feels he must voice his skepticism about the plan they are about to execute.

“Well if I’m wrong, Raven has given us these to communicate with one another so we do not waste time.” Lexa holds up the black radio, still foreign to her. The Latino showed Lexa how to use it before she left. The thing feels odd and heavy in her hand but if it helps saves Clarke who is she to question it. “We have three. One for each group,” Lexa tells him with a quirk of her brow. “Indra!” She calls to her general further up. “Split up the warriors into three groups. We will separate just outside the wall.”

“Heda, this is exactly what they want—to divide us and conquer. Then they will take the capital.” Indra warns, falling back to ride next to Lexa.  

“And what would you rather me do, Indra?” Lexa responds curtly.

“Let me take half and go to the east villages and you take the rest and go to the west. That way there will be more of us to defend the lands in case of trouble.”

Lexa pounders her general’s suggestion. A part of her wants to personally go village by village and burn down anyone who stands in her path to Clarke but that would be a weak move on her part and now is not the time for weakness.

“Alright, Indra. Take your men east. Contact as soon as you find something.” Lexa hands Indra one of the radios and nods.  

“Mochof.” Indra says before directing her men east, leaving Lexa and Ryder to go west.

It’s not a long ride to Jericho, the first village just outside Polis’s walls. From its outer appearance, everything appears to be in order. The wooden gates, though closed, are in tack, showing no signs of forced entry. The grounds are free of spilled blood, petals don every flower, the air is free of the stench of death.

But it is the eerie silence that alerts Lexa to the presence of intruders. Jericho is a forging village, where all the steal in the capital is crafted into swords, blades, axe heads, and even medical tools. And yet, no wielding can be heard. Not even footsteps on crunching leaves.

Lexa holds up her hand, signaling her warriors to stop just outside the gates. The scene is a familiar one, having been in a similar positon just a few weeks ago. The dull throb of her healing arrow wound is a constant reminder. She doesn’t think Clarke will be in this village considering it’s too close to Polis to be secure. But the silence is curious.

“Sound the horn,” Lexa tells Ryder, who pulls out the war horn and blows into it in a pattern of huffs and puffs, signifying to those on the other side of the gate the presence of an army but a peaceful stance. Two young warriors, likely seconds on post, pull open the gate enough for them to slip through. Lexa is mildly surprised at their presence.

“Heda! We weren’t expecting you,” one of the two boys says with a short bow. “What brings you to Jericho?”

“We are doing a search of each village for enemy combatants, Skaikru and Azgedakru. Have you seen any pass through these parts recently?” Ryder asks the boy, eyeing his stiff stance and twitchy fingers.

“No one has passed through here recently,” the boy responds evenly enough.

“What of Wanheda?” Lexa asks. She too is watching the boy’s response.

“Wanheda? She is in Polis with you, is she not?” the other boy speaks up. He looks identical to the first boy, twins no doubt, and is just as nervous.

Lexa clenches her jaw at his passiveness. She sees the hint of a smirk pass over the boy’s face, brief but visible to the trained eye. His stoic expression is no match for Lexa’s who has mastered the art of appearing indifferent. Lexa grips onto the hilt of her sword strapped to her hip. Something is off here.

“Where are your firsts?” Lexa asks through clenched teeth.

“Busy,” one of the twins responds quickly. Too quickly.

Ryder senses the change in conversation and smoothly slides the knife out of its holder strapped to his thigh.

For a moment, they are all frozen, neither wanting to make the first move but one of the boys breaks first. He spins around and crashes through the gate yelling “They’re here! They’re here!”

“Jomp em op!” Lexa yells furiously, her horse rearing and ready for the attack.

* * *

It’s the sound of a war horn that rouses Clarke from her dazed state. Her face is bruised and battered, her lips chapped and swollen, her stomach angry from not being fed, and her throat drier than the land of the Desert Clan. Otan did a number on her and she doubts anyone would recognize her now. So to say she feels like shit would be an understatement. Her body is weak and she doesn’t think she’d be able to stand even if she were freed from this damned post.

As if on cue, Sara storms into the tent with shaky hands that clench a small dagger. Clarke’s eyes light up at the sight of it.

“You must run, Clarke!” Sara stammers, cutting the binds around Clarke’s wrists and ankles free.

“Sara? What’s going on?” Clarke croaks. _Run_? She can’t even stand.

“Polis’s army is here. They’re attacking. Ontari will come for you before slipping away. I got here as fast as I could.”

 _Lexa_. Clarke thinks. _She found me_. The ghost of a smile crosses Clarke’s lips as she takes in the information Sara is providing. “What about you?”

“I have to leave. I can’t return to Polis. Lexa will kill me for betraying her,” Sara admits.

“No, I’ll talk to her, explain the situation…that you didn’t have a choice.”

“No, Clarke. She will set an example of me. She must, unless she wants more traitors in her midst,” Sara says sadly.

Clarke wishes she could get the girl to stay, to come back to Polis, but she doesn’t have time to argue with her. Ontari enters in a fury, her eyes wide in shock at Lexa’s sudden arrival. This was expected, but not so soon. Lexa must really care about Clarke to risk such a bold move. Ontari narrows her eyes when she sees Sara holding a dagger and Clarke unbound. Clarke barely has time to blink before Ontari is on the girl, sword in hand.

“Wait! Stop!” Clarke yells.

But it’s useless. Ontari brings the sharp edge of her blade across Sara’s throat before she even has time to defend herself, severing the carotid arteries and spilling bright red blood all over the dusty ground. Clarke can’t take her eyes of Sara’s as she blinks in shock, pain fleeting before death takes her.

Clarke lets out a gut cry in horror. “I will kill you,” she hisses to Ontario, trying to hide her tears. Sara was a child and she didn't deserve such a death.

Ontari looks at her amusedly. She lunges for Clarke and yanks her head back, exposing her neck. Tears are flowing on their own accord from Clarke’s eyes but she doesn’t care if Ontari sees. At this point, all she can think about is the lifeless body of the young girl next to her. “I would kill you right here and now, but I’d rather do it in front of Lexa,” Ontari mocks, tightening her painful grip on Clarke’s hair. “I want her to know the pain one feels of having someone you love, killed gruesomely in front of you. And then I’m going to kill Lexa, dismantle her precious coalition, and take her throne.”

Clarke wants to scream. To prove Ontari wrong and make her pay for her actions but she can’t. She’s helpless in this moment. Ontari smashes the butt of her sword into the side of Clarke’s head, effectively knocking her out.  Then she disappears into the woods with Otan, three other guards, and a chained Murphy as her sex slave. A pitiful sight for a future commander. Ontari trusts that any surviving warriors in her clan will meet her at the preplanned rendezvous destination they have in case of emergency evacuations. It’s now Skaikru’s turn to hold up their end of the bargain and Ontari will find out soon enough if she made the wrong call in trusting them with this next mission.

* * *

As soon as Lexa and Ryder rush through the gate, it is a frenzy of metal hitting metal, war cries, grunts of pain, spraying blood, and body after body hitting the ground. Lexa knows the body count will be high in this battle. Azgeda warriors are too skilled for it not to be. Lexa will lose many good warriors to the violence at hand. All Azgeda warriors are trained from a very young age to be ruthless killers with no honor. They favor brute force and obvious attacks but it makes it easier for Lexa to wear them down, make calculated blows, and catch them off guard, which is exactly what she is doing at the moment with a female Azgeda warrior.

The woman charges, axe raised high above her head, exposing her middle for an even slice of Lexa’s sword. The warrior doubles over, but doesn’t drop the axe. As she falls she swings for Lexa’s ankles, barely missing them as Lexa leaps over the swinging blade like it’s a jump rope. The woman then tackles Lexa and pins her to the ground in a show of strength. She gets in a few good punches, possibly breaking Lexa’s nose before Lexa kicks her off, her boot pushing against the blade wound in the warrior’s stomach. She lets out a cry of pain, seeking vengeance for the attack but isn’t given the opportunity. Lexa ends her fight by quickly plunging her sword into the woman’s back and through her heart.

Lexa takes no pleasure in killing but she is in her element. This is her in all her glory: black shoulder plate clinking against metal swords, axes, and arrows as her enemies attack, her red commander sash billowing in the wind, and her eyes piercing from behind the black war paint and nightblood decorating her face.

Ryder catches a glimpse of Lexa taking down two Azgeda warriors at once and thinks that Gustus and Anya would be proud. She has come a long way since the lanky unsure kid she was when she first took command.

They push forward through the camp, meeting resistance but cutting them down with relative ease.

“Check the tents and the woods!” Lexa calls to her warriors.

They split up appropriately, still high off the battle. Lexa searches the camp for signs of civilians and dare she hope it, Clarke. Tent after tent is empty save for a few left over belongings. Azgeda clearly left in a hurry. Lexa doesn’t understand how Jericho was overtaken without her knowledge after her men searched the area for infiltration weeks ago. By the looks of it, it was definitely the base of their operations. A large tent, obviously used as a war planning room, still has discarded maps and board pieces strewn across the floor. She must remember to have her men collect them for information.

“Heda!” she hears her name called from somewhere within the camp.

Lexa rushes out the tent she’s in and over to a group of her warriors. Ryder is already there and he pulls the tent flap back for Lexa to enter. Her knees nearly buckle at the sight before her. Clarke is in a crumpled heap on the floor, Sara, Clarke’s servant, is dead beside her. The poor girl’s throat had clearly been cut. Lexa is almost too afraid to check and see if Clarke’s spirit has left her as well. But her men are standing behind her, watching curiously. She cannot be weak now.

Lexa approaches Clarke on shaky legs but keeps a steady pace. She turns Clarke over so she is laying on her back and then audibly gasps. Clarke is barely recognizable from all the bloody cuts, bruises, and gashes on her face. Each lip is split open from brutal punches and her eyes are swollen shut. Her hair, once a sparkling blond is dull and practically brown from the dirt surrounding her and her figure, once luscious and full, is now thin and frail.

“Is it Wanheda?” Ryder asks quietly.

“Sha,” Lexa chokes. She will kill Roan for this. Seeing Clarke in this state is almost too much to bare. She can barely breathe, let alone, check to see if Clarke is still breathing. How is she going to do this without her if she’s not?  

“Is she alive?” Ryder asks Lexa and she doesn’t know how to respond without her voice cracking.

Lexa holds her breath, slowly dropping to one knee, while putting a finger under Clarke’s nose, to check for signs of life. She’s praying to feel little puffs of air. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. _Puff_.

“Yes!” Lexa exclaims in shock. “Radio the others! Send riders back to Polis and have Nyko prepare for her arrival!” Lexa yells to Ryder who instantly obeys.

“Sha, Heda! Hoz op!” Ryder calls to his men, leaving Lexa and Clarke behind.

“I’m not losing you, Clarke. Do you hear me? Ste yuj. Yu gonplei nou ste odon,” Lexa whispers into Clarke’s ear and plants a gentle kiss on her puffy cheek. She sheaths her sword and straps it to her back then carefully swoops Clarke’s fragile body into her arms, trying not to shake her too much.

“Fio, bring Sara. She will have a proper funeral. It is what Clarke will want,” Lexa tells a warrior at the entrance to the tent who does as instructed. “Artimus, any signs of Roan?”

“No, Heda,” the dark-skinned warrior answers disappointingly.

Lexa huffs in discontent as she has Ryder help put Clarke on her saddle before she gracefully climbs on top her steed’s back. She holds onto Clarke’s waist, letting the subtle in and out of Clarke’s chest calm her nerves. The thought of almost arriving too late is in the back of her mind but she can’t allow it to come to the forefront if she is going to be levelheaded enough to find and kill who did this.

 

The ride back to Polis is easy enough. There are no reported sightings of Azgedakru lurking in the woods and no open attacks. When Lexa and her party reach Polis’s gate in under an hour, the guards stationed at the entrance let them pass and Lexa is greeted like she always is with shouts of “Heda!”and “welcome back!” But the feeling of pride she usually feels is gone now that Clarke is injured and her enemies still allude her. She smiles as best she can at the children crowding her horse’s legs but they stop their celebration when they see Wanheda draped across her steed and Lexa’s dull expression.

“Step of!” Artimus says rather cruelly to the children blocking their path.

“Artimus, Chil yu daun,” Ryder tells the young warrior who clearly wants to prove himself to his heda but is doing so at the expense of a few excited children. “Nyko is waiting, Heda. Indra and her warriors are on their way back to the capital as we speak.”

“Mochof, Ryder,” Lexa thanks him. She guides her horse over toward the medical bay before dismounting and sliding Clarke into her arms. “Nyko!” She calls out, once she’s entered the building made from old world tile and steel. It smells faintly of herbs and blood, churning Lexa’s stomach. She hates it in here.

There are a few city dwellers  in the building with them. Those that do lie in the slender cots are being treated for minor cuts and burns. Lexa nods to them and wishes them well while she waits for Nyko to appear. He and his apprentice, Kali, a young girl from a neighboring village, appear from the back of the medical bay and rush over to Lexa when they spot her. Nyko quickly takes Clarke from Lexa’s arms and places her on an open cot where he can being to survey her injuries.

“Will she live?” Lexa asks fearfully. She knows she should show no fear here, but she finds it near impossible to contain her worry with Clarke unconscious on the bed in front of her.

“She will live, Heda,” Nyko assures her kindly. “Kali, fetch hot water and clean towels,” he subsequently instructs to his apprentice.

Lexa grabs onto Clarke’s limp hand while they wait. “You are strong, Clarke. We have much more to do together. Much more to learn about each other. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me.”

Nyko ignores the intimacy Lexa shows toward Clarke and the tenderness in her voice as she addresses the infamous Wanheda. He has always suspected something to be going on between the two of them, but now his suspicions are confirmed; much to his delight. Nyko is thankful Clarke is not mortally wounded. He would hate to see the wrath brought down on him by Lexa if Clarke died in his care.

As Nyko dips the clean cloth into the steaming water and drags it across Clarke’s cheek, trying to sterilize the angry red lumps where she was repeatedly punched. The blonde stirs and flinches upon contact. Clarke’s hand reflexively tightens around Lexa’s who is out of her seat in an instant and bending over Clarke in worry.

“Clarke? Clarke?” Lexa calls to her.

“Lexa?” Clarke croaks.

“I’m here, Clarke,” Lexa says relieved, her eyes watering on their own accord.

Clarke nods contently and squeezes Lexa’s hand. Clarke’s not sure where she is or what happened but she’s glad Lexa is here with her. The last thing she remembers is Sara freeing her… _Oh no, Sara!_

“Sara!” Clarke exclaims suddenly, trying to sit up but failing miserably. “Lexa she killed her!”

“Shh, Clarke take it easy. You’ve been through a lot,” Nyko tells her sternly. “Try not to move.”

“Lexa, Ontari killed Sara!” Clarke continues, completely ignoring Nyko. This is can’t wait.  

“Ontari?” Lexa questions in confusion. She strokes Clarke’s flushes, trying to calm her down. “Do you mean, Roan?”

“No, Roan is dead. Ontari killed him, Lexa. She’s now the Queen of Azgeda. She made an alliance with Pike; his help at dismantling the coalition in exchange for land,” Clarke rushes out. She hisses in pain as the cloth Nyko holds brushes against her face again. He’s not letting up just because she has decided to be stubborn and talk politics instead of rest.

Lexa glares at Nyko when Clarke hisses in pain at his actions but he continues what he is doing regardless. “I must treat this before it gets infected. Heda, she needs rest. Perhaps this conversation can continue tomorrow,” he tells Lexa. She knows he’s right but doesn’t have to like it.

She has so many questions. Roan is dead? Ontari is Queen? This makes sense, and yet, how could this be? How did she not know about this? What does Ontari want?

As if reading her mind, Clarke states the obvious. “She wants your throne.” Lexa nods after a moment of silence, taking in Clarke’s words. The power hungry mongrel. She’ll kill her for this. “She has a plan, Lexa. I don’t know what it is, but we both fit into it somehow. She left me alive for a reason,” Clarke continues somberly.

“And what reason might that be?” Lexa asks.

“To deliver a message. She is going to take everything from you. Your collation, your throne, me, and then your life.”

Lexa considers Clarke’s words for a moment. She saw the vengeance in Ontari’s eyes the moment she killed Nia a few months ago so she is not surprised she is going after her. She can picture the promise Nia must have made Ontari about taking the throne. But what Lexa does not understand, is killing Clarke.

“You?” Lexa asked confused. She instinctively takes Clarke’s hand in her own. The need to keep her close and safe stronger than ever. “How does she know about us?” Lexa glances at Nyko and Kali who both quickly avert their eyes. They won’t say anything, although the rumors of Lexa and Clarke’s relationship are widespread.

“Sara told them about us. It’s why she was always asking me a lot questions. She was a spy for Ontari,” Clarke says bitterly but her anger is not toward Sara but rather Ontari and her willingness to involve children in a battle meant for adults.

Lexa clenches her jaw and squeezes Clarke’s hand. She had feared as much. No doubt the Azgeda nightblood threatened to kill the girl’s family if she didn’t do as told. Ontari surely would have made good on her promise and killed Sara along with them if she refused, leaving Sara without much of a choice. But she could have sought help. Lexa could have protected her if only she had come to her in time.

With this wealth of new information Clarke has just provided her, Lexa needs to think things over and inform the clan leaders. Titus will be furious but his duty, now more than ever, is to keep the nightbloods safe. She can’t predict the outcome of this war but if dies, the flame must be passed on and gods willing, not to Ontari.

Clarke can see the storm raging in Lexa’s eyes so brushes her thumb over Lexa’s fingers which are still safe in her hand to bring her back from wherever she’s gone. Lexa looks down at her like she’s the only person in the word and even though her body is weak and in pain, Clarke’s heart blooms at the sight. Clarke can’t think of a damn thing that she did to deserve such a magnificent woman but she’ll take her.

“Rest, Clarke. We can discuss things further once you are healed,” Lexa brings their interlocked hands to her lips and kisses Clarke’s palm hand tenderly. Then she nods to Nyko who pauses his application of the salve Kali prepared. “Mochof, Nyko. I will return in the morning.”

“Leidon, Heda,” Nyko bids her farewell.

Lexa swiftly stands and turns to go. Seeing Clarke like this, nearly beaten to death by a ruthless Azgeda bitch sends memories of Costia flooding back and the pain is overwhelming. She almost lost Clarke too. Clarke is the one person she loves most in this world and she was almost taken from her. It’s time to cut down Azgeda once and for all. They are no longer part of the coalition; no longer allies. If Azgeda wants war they’ve got one. She will deal with Skaikru when the time comes but first she’s taking down Ontari.

“Lexa, wait,” Clarke calls after her softly. She can see the pain in Lexa’s eyes. She knows she’s on the edge of breaking down. If Clarke was stronger she would sit up but as it is, she can only stretch out her hand.

Lexa stops at the door, tears threatening to spill across her face are blurring her vision. If she turns around and sees Clarke, they’ll fall. She’ll fall. But she turns around anyway. “Sha, Clarke?”

“If you don’t kill her… I will,” Clarke says and it steels Lexa’s nerves. She nods in agreement. Ontari must die. Lexa thinks this is all Clarke wanted to tell her so she makes to leave again, feeling a little disappointed. “Come back soon, ai hodnes. You don’t have to handle this alone,” Clarke says when Lexa reaches the door.

 _Ai hodnes!_ It’s all Lexa hears. _I’m her love._ That’s all she needs to hear to quell the pain she feels at the moment. “Yes, Clarke,” she responds with a blossoming smile.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mochof = thanks  
> Jomp em op= Attack!  
> Sha, Heda! Hoz op!= Yes, Commander! Let's go!  
> Ste yuj. Yu gonplei nou ste odon= Stay Strong. Your fight is not over.  
> Chil yu daun= stand down  
> Leidon= good bye  
> Ai hodnes = my love


	15. Command Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gives Clarke a much needed bath and meets with an old friend. Oh yea, and smut.

“I must look awful,” Clarke says, absentmindedly creating ripples in the bathwater with her hand.

“You look beautiful. As always,” Lexa responds seriously, dipping the sponge into the water to gather more soap suds. She gently scrubs Clarke’s back in a circular motion, washing away the grime from her time in the Azgeda camp. Clarke smiles happily at Lexa’s response. “That is what you wanted me to say is it not?” Lexa smirks.

“Hey!” Clarke turns around and splashes Lexa with the bathwater causing the brunette to chuckle before continuing her task.

It’s been two days since Lexa found Clarke unconscious in the Azgeda camp. Clarke’s face is healing nicely. The bruises, once dark and ugly, have faded significantly thanks to Nyko. There are still cuts on Clarke’s face but Lexa has a few of her own. It’s nothing the two of them aren’t used to although they’re appearing more frequently nowadays.

“But you do always look beautiful, Clarke,” Lexa compliments again. She wants Clarke to understand she will always finds her beautiful, even when she’s covered in dirt and scars.

“Well thank you,” Clarke smiles and sits still so Lexa can continue to clean her back and shoulders. Of course Lexa had insisted on helping Clarke even if Clarke did tease her for it.

For Lexa, helping bathe Clarke is a well needed break from the routine. Plus, the added bonus of seeing her naked isn’t bad. The last few days have been meeting after meeting, plan after plan, and Lexa, who is less than found of extensive planning, has grown weary of the daily chore. Clarke told her Sara had been using the tunnels to sneak in and out of Polis and into the Azgeda camp so she had guards stationed at all entrances to prevent other potential spies from doing so. Lexa also had the girl’s body delivered to her family for a proper sendoff once Clarke explained how Sara risked her life to help her while she was captured. The girl was still a traitor in Lexa’s eyes and usually traitors were not returned to their families for the common funeral rituals but she was grateful to Sara for her kindness to Clarke, and had made an exception. She’s made many exceptions for Clarke over the last few months and not only have her advisors, like Titus, noticed but the clan leaders have as well. Her favor of _Wanheda_ , though technically warranted for her defeat of the Mountain, continues to raise questions of her loyalty to the Coalition. 

“All clean,” Lexa says after a while, letting her fingers trail along the length of Clarke’s spine before letting the sponge fall out of her hand. It splashes in the water, mirroring the ripples in the tub Clarke was creating earlier. Clarke’s spine tingles from the light touch of Lexa’s fingers on her back and it makes her yearn for her soft touches.

Clarke turns her head and smiles up at Lexa, puckering her lips for a kiss that Lexa gladly provides. It’s sweet and gentle. The first one they’ve shared since Clarke’s rescue. Lexa pulls away first, admittedly reluctantly, in order to help Clarke out of the tub. She grabs the towel off the stool next to her, which is warm from sitting in the sun for the past half hour. She then holds it open for Clarke to step into and wraps it around her tightly, kissing Clarke’s shoulder and cheek as she does so.

“You’re so affectionate this morning,” Clarke notes.

“Sha,” Lexa responds and nuzzles her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck.

Clarke gets the hint. She spins around and kisses Lexa, hard, catching her off guard for a moment but then Lexa’s on Clarke like a tigress on her pray, gripping the back of Clarke’s thighs and lifting her into her arms. Clarke moans and tangles her hands in Lexa’s hair, kissing her fiercely while she’s carried to the bed.

Lexa drops Clarke on the sheets, the towel dropping to the floor, and gazes down at her; pupils blown creating dark pools of lust. She takes in the rapid rise and fall of Clarke’s chest, her bare skin, round breasts, parted lips and legs- the jewel between them glistening with want. The sight steals her breath away.

“Command me,” Clarke husks with so much _need_ that Lexa can’t deny her.

Clarke gasps when Lexa swiftly climbs on top of her and lets out an animalistic growl. Lexa claims her with her mouth, nipping and sucking ferociously. Their lips crash together in contest, edging the other one on. Clarke wraps her legs around Lexa’s waist greedily and pulls her close, sighing when she finds the friction she’s looking for. Then Lexa grins and pins Clarke’s hands above her head. She begins to kiss Clarke again, slower this time while she thinks about how she wants to tease her. She kisses the side of Clarke’s lips, down her chin and then latches onto to Clarke’s neck, biting and then soothing the spot with her tongue. She watches a red spot form on Clarke neck, marking her as her own.

Meanwhile, Clarke wiggles impatiently underneath her, grinding her hips against Lexa’s in search of relief from her growing desire. It feels like her body is on fire and the only person who can put out the flames keeps fueling them.

Lexa tilts her head down and latches onto one of Clarke’s stiff pink nipples, causing them both to moan and shudder at the contact. Clarke instinctively arches her back and whimpers in response. And Lexa is relentless, swirling her tongue in tight circles, grazing her teeth back and forth, blowing air to make the nipple impossibly stiffer. And just when Clarke thinks she can’t take it anymore, just when she doesn’t think she can get any wetter, Lexa moves to the other nipple.

“Lexa,” Clarke chokes out, griping the furs beneath her to ground her to the present moment because Lexa’s tongue is taking her to places out of this world. “Pleaseeee.”  

Lexa smirks, having gotten what she wanted. She returns her lips to Clarke’s throat, kissing and licking its curves before making her way between the hollow dip of Clarke’s breasts and along her tone stomach. She dips her tongue in Clarke’s navel, giving Clarke a taste of what is to come and Clarke rewards her with the most seductive moan. It sends goosebumps down Lexa’s back and a pool of want to the apex of her thighs. She trails her hand along the smooth skin inside of Clarke’s legs, starting with her inner knee and moving slowly upward toward her thigh, leaving a trail of burning heat in her wake. Lexa can tell by Clarke’s ragged breathing and tight grip on the fur beneath her that she’s thoroughly worked up. She pushes Clarke’s legs open and rakes her nails toward her center stopping just before. She’s mere inches from the spot where Clarke needs her most and she feels Clarke’s desire coat her fingers.  

“Please, Lexa. Don’t tease,” Clarke manages to reprimand between shallow breaths. She grabs ahold of Lexa’s hand with her own, trying to lead her to exactly where she needs her but Lexa abruptly pulls back on her grip and Clarke feels the muscles in Lexa's arm go taut. It’s more than just preventing Clarke from leading her. It’s fear. Clarke sits up worried, following Lexa’s gaze. It lands on the red cuts and dark bruises on Clarke’s wrists which wrap around like a bracelet of fire. They are the result of being bound for days on end and were exacerbated by Clarke’s insistent tugging for freedom. They have yet to heal and the sight rips Lexa’s heart open. It’s such an abrupt and unexpected feeling that it causes her to halt her movements. Of all the other cuts, wounds, bruises, and scars on Clarke’s body, _this_ one has to cause her pause.

Clarke can see how wide and surprised Lexa’s eyes look and takes her hand in her own. “They’ll go away, Lexa. All of them,” Clarke says gently.  

Of course they will. Lexa knows this and yet it still pains her to see Clarke hurt, no matter how shallow or temporary the wounds.

“You were lucky,” Lexa says quietly. “It might not be that way next time.”

“Neither one of us are guaranteed tomorrow, Lexa. You know that.”

“Yes,” Lexa says solemnly and it pulls at Clarke’s heart strings. “But my spirit will live on. Yours will not.”

“I want your spirit to stay where it is for as long as mine does,” Clarke confesses and it’s the closest she’s gotten to saying “I love you.” Lexa looks into her eyes like she’s the only thing she’s ever seen. And then Clarke’s reminded of how she got here. How Lexa risked everything to get her back and it makes her scared and mad.  “What you did was foolish,” Clarke says unexpectedly. “You risked everything…for what?”

“For you,” Lexa whispers and it sounds like an apology.

Clarke softens her expression at that. She loves Lexa and she knows Lexa loves her and yet neither are in a position to let that love be all-consuming. It can’t trump the greater obligation they have to their people. It’s what makes this so hard and yet so rewarding. But Lexa’s decision to go after Clarke, despite it all, is what is so troubling. She can’t do that again, no matter how much she may want to. No matter how much Clarke may want her to.

“You are angry with me?” Lexa asks.

“Not angry,” Clarke replies.

“What would you have had me do? Let you die?”

“Yes. If it saved the collation, yes. If it brought this all to an end, yes.”

Lexa exhales deeply, feeling torn once again between her duty as Heda and her loyalty as Lexa to Clarke. This is what Titus meant when he said love is weakness. “I couldn’t do that Clarke.”

“And why not, Lexa?” Clarke probes stubbornly. _You’ve done it before_ goes unsaid.

“Because I love you and I don’t want to lose you. It’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever done…loving you. It’s irrational, against all my teachings, and yet, I love you with all my heart,” Lexa confesses. “It makes me do foolish things.”

Lexa’s response is so human, so honest and chaste that Clarke breaks. “I love you too, Lexa.” It’s all she can say in response and it feels like a weight lifts off her shoulders. She’s been wanting to say that for so long. She’s _felt_ it for so long. Clarke can see the gleaming of a tear forming at the corner of Lexa’s eye and she catches it with her index finger just as it falls. “Promise me something? Promise me that someday we will owe nothing more to our people.”

They both smile faintly, because it’s a promise that can’t be kept even if it is a simple request.

“I promise to love and protect you until the day I die. That is the best I can do, Clarke.”

“I’m okay with that,” Clarke beams and crashes their lips together once more.

* * *

Luna strides into the meeting room, a small windowless oval study stacked to the brim with dusty books and manuscripts untouched for years. There’s a round table in the center with new scrolls, maps, and a few lit candles which are the only things that appear to have been used recently.

Luna pulls out one of the red plush chairs and takes a seat. She’s been in here before, many times in fact, when she and Lexa were children. They found this room once while roaming the tower. Titus had been called away, unwisely trusting the children to keep to their studies until he returned. Of course, Luna, being the bold and gallant one, dared Lexa to come with her on an adventure. They ended up walking around for hours, dipping into this room when Titus’s booming angry voice could be heard from down the hall, calling out to them. They slipped inside just before being caught, laughing with glee.

Ever since then, it has been their hiding spot when they need to discuss important matters outside the presence of wandering eyes or eavesdropping ears. Lexa told her to meet her here at noon. The sun is directly above the tower so Luna knows she’s on time, leaving Lexa uncharacteristically late.

As if on cue, Lexa briskly strides into the room, closing the door behind her and turning to face her old friend.

“Luna,” she says as a greeting. “Thank you for coming.”

“Little Lexa. What has you running late this afternoon? Or should I say who?” Luna quirks her brow with a smirk.

“Don’t call me little Lexa. I’m heda now. And that is none of your concern,” Lexa says, pretending to be offended, but she lets the façade slip, smirking. Luna lets out a glorious laugh.

“Don’t _heda_ me,” Luna smiles.

“I haven’t heard you call me that in a long time,” Lexa says warmly.

“We haven’t been in here in a long time,” Luna observes quietly and changing the tone of the conversation. The last time they were in this room, Nia had just taken Costia. “Although, I see you’ve been in here recently.” Luna nods to the recently used maps on the table she sits at. She pauses, waiting for her friend to fill her in on what’s going on. They wouldn’t be in here if it wasn’t extremely important.

“Yes. Clarke was taken,” Lexa says seriously. “By Ontari.”

“Ontari?”

“Nia’s nightblood. She killed Roan and partnered with Skaikru.”

Luna’s brow creases. “Ice Nation has traded one witch for another.”

“So it seems.”

“What are you going to do?” Luna asks, leaning back in her chair and sighing heavily.

“What I must. What I failed to do last time. That’s why I’ve called you here,” Lexa answers.

Luna shifts uncomfortably in her seat. She knows what Lexa wants from her but she doesn’t want to do it. She can’t. “You know I abhor killing…war. Please, do not ask this of me.”

“If there were another way, I would not,” Lexa says, barely managing to keep her voice from wavering.

“My people will not support this,” Luna warns, pleading evident in her tone.

“You are a strong leader and they will follow you. You will make them understand, Luna.” Lexa pauses, “You have until week’s end,” she says, shifting her eyes so she’s staring at the walls of books instead of into hurt eyes.

“Is this because of her?” Luna says after some time. She knows the answer but she wants Lexa to say it out loud. To confirm the magnitude of the decision she is making.

Lexa doesn’t answer right away but she does look her longtime friend in the eyes and lets her see the pain this causes. “No. This is because Ice Nation must be stopped, once and for all. We need peace, Luna. You cannot tell me you do not want peace. Is that not why you and your people have isolated yourselves? To get away from all this? Peace comes at a price and I am asking you as a leader and as a friend to pay your share.”

Luna swallows thickly. “Yes, _heda_.” That stings but Lexa has to ask Luna to go to war for her. To fight and die for her, because that’s what it means to be a leader. “Wanheda must be truly special.”

Lexa turns to leave, but before exiting says, “Yes, she is.”

* * *

_Left, right, left, duck, swing, smack!_ Lexa stumbles back, eyes wide, a hand going instinctually to her face. Aden has just struck her hard across the face and it isn’t the first time.

“Good Aden!” Lexa praises with a smile forming on her lips. “You show much strength and improvement today. Go get cleaned up.”

“Sha, Heda. Mochof,” he responds brightly and bows before exiting.

Titus strides over to the ring Lexa and Aden were sparing in. He watches their exchange with a stone face but he is pleased at Aden’s growth as a fighter. He moves to stand by Lexa who sheaths her sword and wipes the sweat off her face.

“Aden is ready,” Lexa says casually, although this is far from a casual conversation. This is an informal prediction of Lexa’s successor.

“He is,” Titus’s response as simply. “You should begin prepping him.”

“Nothing is set in stone yet,” Lexa says calmly, folding her hands behind her back and watching the fights in the other rings.

“No but it is predictable. And in the event of your death, we want the conclave to go as smoothly as possible.” Titus pauses and looks at his former pupil, all grown up and Heda now. “This war may bring the worst so we should prepare now to preserve the coalition as best we can. We do not know if the other clans will follow the next commander as they have you. You have accomplished much. No one has done what you have done, Heda.”

“I am certain my legacy will be preserved, Titus. But your concern is noted. I will speak with Aden and the rest of the nightbloods to ensure a smooth transition if need be.”

“What of Ontari? She is also a nightblood. The flame must not go to her,” Titus declares, his voice strained by his insistence. “You need to kill her.” Lexa rubs her temples. She knows what she must do but if the flame is truly meant to go to Ontari, she won’t be able to do it. “If she dies, she won’t be worthy of the flame.”

Lexa wants to scoff at what Titus has implied but she refrains. “We don’t know that Titus. She might have still have meant to be my successor. But I agree, she must die. We also need to push the nightbloods harder in the event that she comes for them to eliminate the competition.”  

“Or we can kill her at the first opportunity and ensure it never happens,” Titus says bluntly and Lexa turns to look at him. Of course she wants to kill that bitch Ontari. Titus doesn’t need to tell her that, but it must be calculated.   

Indra, who Lexa has been watching train Octavia in neighboring sparing ring, is pulled from the match by an unruly messenger who looks like he just ran a marathon. Indra’s casual demeanor, if you can call it casual, brusquely changes as she barks orders at both the messenger and Octavia before marching over to Lexa while rubbing her bicep. She’s gotten stiffer in her old age although she would never admit that to her second. “Heda,” she greets gruffly. “Titus.”

“Indra,” they respond in turn.

“Heda, may I have a word?”

“Yes,” Lexa responds interested. She and Indra walk out of earshot of Titus who looks even grumpier than he had now that he was being excluded from the conversation. “Speak freely.”

“Scouts just spotted Pike and the other Skaikru defects in the south woods. What would you have me do?”

“Was Ontari among them?” Lexa asks wishing she isn’t. If she can take out Skaikru now she can deal with Ontari latter. It will be easier to handle the forces individually.

“No, heda, but it is a large force.”

“Send 300 of Trikru and Sankru forces, now. And swiftly!” Lexa commands.

“Yes Heda. But will that be enough? They have many guns and I fear they will be no match for us.”

Lexa doesn’t want to risk sending away too many men and leave Polis unprotected but she also wants to defeat her enemy. The fear that Pike is a ploy to draw her out crosses her mind, but she can’t risk not going after him and not having another opportunity like this one to do so.

“Find Raven before you leave. She told me she has been working on some things to even the playing field. I’m not sure what she means by that but it is worth taking a look. The three hundred warriors will have to be enough, Indra. We cannot leave the capital without sufficient protection.”

“Sha, Heda,” Indra bows and turns to leaves.

“And Indra!” Lexa calls after her long-time general and friend. “Be careful.”

“And you, Commander.”


	16. Kom Wor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg I'm soooo sorry!! I haven't updated in three months but i've been preoccupied with another story. Fear not, I haven't forgotten about this story and I have a new chapter for you. The next one will be coming soon. This one is a little gory so be warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me! Your comments and kudos make my freaking day!

Lexa opens her eyes, the sun filtering through the pieced together glass window and casting a ray of warm light across her face. The dust moths in the air hang suspended over her head and she watches them for a moment while she wakes. She can tell it is a beautiful fall day by the sun’s warm kiss on her cheek. It is a perfect day for what she has planned for Clarke.

Lexa rolls onto her back and looks over her shoulder to find a sleeping Clarke beside her, her chest rising and falling peacefully. Lexa watches her, enraptured by how unreal it still seems. Clarke is here with her, in her bed, curled into her side. Lexa almost doesn’t want to wake her but she wants to share as much of this day with Clarke as possible because tomorrow brings war.

Luna is set to arrive late into the night with her army, traveling by dark to avoid detection and entering through the tunnels which Lexa has carefully guarded. There has been no word from Indra yet but Lexa has faith that her general is more than capable of taking on Pike’s crew. That leaves an absent Ontari to be dealt with when the time comes. Securing Polis is the priority and with Floukru’s help it can be done. If Azgedakru detect Luna’s movements, war will break out. But Raven and Lexa have a plan in place in case that should occur. The fiery Skai girl has proven very helpful these past few weeks. Lexa admittedly was wrong about her.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Clarke says sleepily, her eyes still closed but a smile spreading across her lips. It’s a beautiful sight.

“I was not aware that you could hear my thoughts, Prisa. You have many talents, Klarke kom Skaikru,” Lexa responds and Clarke opens an eye to peak at her. Lexa chuckles and rolls onto her side to kiss her.

“Good morning,” Clarke says against Lexa’s lips, the warmth she finds there instantly spreading throughout her body.

“Good morning, ai hodnes. I have much planed for us today,” Lexa murmurs.  

“Do you?” Clarke asks surprised. “Is my duty as Ambassador required today? I wasn’t aware of a clan meeting.”

“No. There are no meetings today. Titus has been instructed not to bother us unless there is an emergency.”

“You have convinced the goon to back down. Good. What is it you have planned?” Clarke inquires excitedly.

“Come, let us wake and I will show you.”

 

Lexa walks the streets of Polis winding between merchant stalls, smiling at running children, and shaking hands with her people. She often walks the streets when something is on her mind but today she simply suggested that Clarke get some fresh air, though the walk serves dual purposes. Clarke grips her arm tightly as she leads her around the city, through the square, past the training grounds and schoolhouse, and toward the row of bars.

“A little early to drink, isn’t it?” Clarke says teasingly.

Lexa smiles at her. “We are not going to the alehouses, Clarke. “There is a place just beyond there that I wish to show you.”

Clarke raises her eyebrows at Lexa’s cryptic reply but follows willingly. They walk past the bars, one man still laying drunk on the sidewalk from the night before. Lexa clicks her tongue at him like a scolding mother to young boys and Clarke can’t help but laugh at her. Lexa leads her down a winding row of shops and toward a cluster of houses. They follow along the main brick road and Clarke looks around at the small homes they pass. Each is painted brilliant colors of blues, pinks, and greens. They’re made from old-world bricks and metal slabs, smoke puffing out a couple chimneys to fight off the oncoming cold of fall. Wild flowers grow in the grass yards, some enclosed by wooden fences. Clarke imagines that Sara lived in one of these houses and it both saddens and warms Clarke. At least she was surrounded by beautiful things. Clarke gives Lexa’s arm a squeeze, more so for her own sake; to ground herself in this moment and to not be swept under by memories of darker times. Lexa sense it and squeezes back, understanding the need completely.

Clarke’s about to tell Lexa how pretty this area is, when a tiny black puppy comes running out from behind a house, yapping happily at his newfound freedom, and Clarke catches him by his bulky waist just as a cart carrying fresh vegetables quickly passes on the road.

“Woah, where are you running off to?” Clarke says to the fluffy creature with big brown eyes peeking out from under a coat of soft fur. He barks in reply and then licks her nose in thanks. Clarke laughs in surprise. She’s never seen a dog in person before and now doesn’t want to let the puppy go. He’s so cute and snuggly and seems only to want to lavish her with wet kisses.

“Koda! Hod op!” A brown-haired boy, no more that 6 or 7 yells, jumping over to Clarke before screeching to a halt, eyes wide when he recognizes her and Lexa. “Hedas,” he squeaks and bows low. “Moba.”

“Is he yours?” Clarke asks sweetly and the boy nods vigorously.

“Ste kefa,” Lexa says, pretending to be stern but Clarke can see her lips twitch, holding back a smirk.

“Sha, heda. Mochof.” The boy continues to nod and eyes Clarke carefully, wondering if she’ll freely give him his companion back. But she does and gently. He holds onto Koda tightly, does a bow and then runs off, disappearing back behind his house.

Lexa notices Clarke’s amused look. “What is it?”

“I want a puppy,” Clarke says brightly, making Lexa laugh and the sound fills Clarke with happy. She doesn’t hear it enough.

“You can barely take care of yourself, Clarke. That dog would be worse than Koda,” Lexa teases.

“That’s not true! I am more than capable of having a dog. And besides, you’ll help me,” Clarke tells her, wrapping her arm back around Lexa’s.

 “Will I?”

“Yes, you will. You would be a good mother,” Clarke says and then instantly blushes when she realizes the implications. Mommy Lexa would be protective Lexa on steroids and it makes Clarke inexplicably excited although this thing between them has just begun.

“So would you,” Lexa says seriously and plants a gentle kiss on Clarke’s lips, reassuring and bold. “Our destination is just up there,” Lexa adds, changing the subject before she gets lost in Clarke’s kiss.

They walk further to the boarder of Polis, the high stone and wood walls of the city coming into view when Lexa makes a sharp left turn and leads them down a tiny gravel path and into what appears to be a sanctuary. There’s a pound resting in the center of the area, surrounded by green grass and blossom trees, the pink flowers littering the ground like drops of paint on a canvas. Specifically placed boulders sit around the pound for people to sit, algae spreading up the sides like vines trying to reach the sun. Multicolored sand outlines the pound and the tiny grains sparkle in the sunlight. Clarke’s enraptured by it as Lexa gently guides her to an intricately carved wooden bench sitting in the shade of one of the trees.  

“The heda before me had this made,” Lexa begins quietly. “She wanted a place for people to go within Polis’s walls that would remind them of their homes. Trikru forests, Floudonkru rivers and pounds, Ingranakru sands.”

“It’s beautiful,” Clarke says honestly, slipping her hand into Lexa’s and looking in her green eyes.  

“Look,” Lexa says, turning around and pointing to the base of the tree. She shows Clarke the old brown bark and waits for Clarke to move closer. Carved into the bark of the tree, are various hearts with initials in the middle--declarations of young love.

“Is this some type of kissing tree?” Clarke asks playfully. They had something similar on the Ark although she never had anyone to draw hearts with.

“Something like that,” Lexa responds with a slight blush, dipping her head down.

Clarke pulls Lexa’s head up, peering in those swirling green orbs and suddenly understands why Lexa has brought her here. “Lexa,” Clarke begins, but Lexa cuts her off.

“Clarke, this may be the last time we will be together like this and I want you to know that you are everything to me,” Lexa says and pulls out the knife she keeps strapped to her thigh. She smiles shyly at Clarke. “Let us forget the war for just a little while. Let us just be young lovers today.”

Clarke looks at her in surprise because they are young. They’re teenagers in a world full of war and it’s so easy to forget. They are also in love and they should be able to have their moment, however fleeting.

Clarke nods, a smile slowly filling out her lips. Lexa steps up to the tree and carves L+C with a heart around it. It’s small, lost amongst the other hearts, and cliché, but Clarke loves it. She pulls Lexa to her and kisses her fiercely, Lexa whimpering in surprise.

“I love you,” Clarke pants, her face pressed against Lexa’s.

“Ai hod yu in,” Lexa says, pressing her lips to Clarke’s for another kiss and holding on tightly.  

* * *

Indra halts her group, eyes scanning the thicket of tall trees for movement. A branch snaps from behind her. She peers into the shaded undergrowth of the forest and waits, but there’s nothing. And now the only sound she hears is the breathing of her and her men. She frowns, an uneasy feeling taking hold, but motions for her warriors to press on.

They should be approaching the location of where Pike and his men were last spotted any moment now. Everyone’s on edge, anticipatorily waiting for Pike to make the first move. They’ve traveling all day, albeit at a slow pace, and any action is welcomed at this point. The warriors have grown restless.

After many minutes, Indra fears it will never come but then like a bat out of hell, a fire arrow flies through the dark sky, blazing a path and whizzing past Indra’s ear and into the chest of the trusted steed behind her. He whines taking off into the forest before it’s rider can pull on the reigns.

Another arrow soars through the sky and then another, this one accompanied by jacketed-lead bullets that pierce her warriors’ armor with ease. One by one her men fall, forcing the others to leap over their limp bodies. They survivors must fall back.  

“Fall back!” Indra yells frantically, knowing they are outmatched if they cannot see their attackers. “Back into the trees!”

Her warriors obey and scramble into the forest, going the opposite direction of the bullets, but don’t get far until they run straight into the waiting arms of an army composed of Skaikru and a handful of other unidentifiable clan warriors. They are dressed like Grounders, but from which clan Indra can’t say.

Pike is among them, looking positively elated. His little diversion had worked. The shooters guided them right into the waiting arms of the enemy. Indra did not see this coming. The few men who were shooting at them just minutes ago—five in total—emerge from the trees like moving shadows. The leers on their faces is unnerving. Indra could have taken them out had they not been wearing camouflage and expertly hidden in the thicket. They are not all Skaikru, not with such expert aim of their arrows. No. These men, the skill they possess to hide in plain sight under the cover of trees and to wield arrows like masters can only be from one clan.

Trikru. And they are aligned with Pike.

“Surrender. We have you surrounded,” Pike says lowly, a gleam in his eye Indra recognizes all too well. He thinks he’s won.

Indra doesn’t say anything. She spits at his feet and he backhands her quickly. Her warriors draw their swords and shout profanities in Trig at the rouge Skaikru leader. They will fight to the death if she asks them to and she _will_ ask.

“You are all _natronas_!” Indra hisses with as much contempt as she can muster. Her veins are on fire with anger. “Heda will have your heads.”

“Heda is weak and not worthy of the throne. Soon, Queen Ontari shall take her place and the clans can finally have the leader they deserve,” one of the Trikru warriors says, standing tall on Pike’s left-hand side.

“See, general. Even your own people want this. You are powerless to stop this. Our forces grow larger each day. You are outnumbered and we know your next moves before you do,” Pike says.

Indra’s mind goes straight to Luna’s forces who must be halfway if not closer to Polis by now. Do Pike and Ontari know about them? Sara, the little natrona from Polis is dead so who else could be feeding the intel? Have more clans deserted their Commander? Do they reside within Polis’s walls?

These questions and more rage through Indra’s head and she wants nothing more than to get to Lexa and tell her of this treachery. But she must first live to do so and there is only one way out of this. Through. 

“Jomp em op!” Indra yells and then all hell breaks loose.

* * *

 Luna said goodbye to her people, the ones staying behind, over a day ago now. The trek from the eastern seaboard to Polis is a long one and to get to their destination by early morning, still under the cover of darkness, they were forced to leave early yesterday. It is now hours from sunrise and Polis is nearly in sight. Her warriors are tired, unaccustomed to the fast pace she has set and even more unaccustomed to going to war. Floukru had been spared of war for the last few years, Heda Lexa never calling upon them to fight. But now is different. Now the fate of the union and heda’s life are at stake. If it were any heda other than Lexa, Luna doubts she would have come. Floukru is notorious for avoiding war like the plague but the desperate look in her old friend’s eyes and the guilt she would have felt had she not agreed forced her hand. Now here she is, an hour from the Polis gates with three hundred of her best warriors at her back.

Her warriors unconsciously speed up their pace as Polis tower comes into view, practically running toward a warm meal and a good night’s rest. Luna smiles amusedly at her general and lover. Derrick smiles back but the image soon turns into a grim bloody mess as an arrow pierces his heart before either of them can react.

A gut-wrenching scream rips from Luna’s throat at the sight and the warriors around her quickly spring into action. Grunts, yells, and clashing swords chorus around her as Luna finally comes to her senses, a blind rage taking over, and begins killing anyone stupid enough to cross her path.

Her ducks an axe flying straight for her head and it hits the Azgeda warrior sneaking up behind her. She sheaths her sword and yanks the axe from the man’s chest, her palms slippery from the blood. She wields it as tightly as possible and brings it down on a rapidly approaching brut of a man. He ducks before it can penetrate him but Luna’s quick and she brings the axe down on his foot, trapping him in place. Luna then yanks her sword free and ends his fight by slicing his neck, nearly knocking his head clean off.

She makes quick work of three others, axe in one hand sword in the other. She isn’t aware of someone yelling her name as she elbows a woman in the face, cracking her Azgeda mask made of animal bones. It throws the woman off balance just enough for Luna to run her sword through her. She topples to the ground in a heap.

After what feels like hours but couldn’t be more than a few minutes, Luna is covered in the blood of her victims, only sustaining a few cuts and bruises in the battle. By the looks of it, the battle has slowed, few warriors from both sides still stand. Luna is searching for more enemies to fight when she hears the trampling sounds of horse hooves and her name being called, louder this time.

“Luna!”

She recognizes that voice. The sound should be a relief but now it only sounds like a command. Luna doesn’t turn around. She spots one of her young warriors dying on the cold ground beneath her feet and her heart clenches painfully. She kneels and takes the boy’s hand.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Luna whispers and then gives him a merciful death, waiting until he stills to remove her hand.

“Luna.”

There it is again, softer this time but still demanding.

“Heda,” Luna responds, standing and turning around to face Lexa, decked out in war paint, not a speck of blood on her black leathers. It appears Luna has finished the fight and Lexa has come to claim the victory. “Impeccable timing.”

Luna looks around, refusing to look Lexa in the eye. She has about a hundred men left, all breathing heavily and looking like they’ve taken a serious beating. From the looks of it, several hundred Azgeda warriors were waiting to ambush them just outside the borderland between the Trikru forests and Polis. Only a handful of their warriors are still alive and Lexa’s army has quickly imprisoned them. It’s a small victory that brings Luna little satisfaction. She’s just lost the love of her life and two-thirds of her army in a battle they have no business fighting.

“Come. Let us talk,” Lexa says emotionlessly and Luna steels herself, matching Lexa’s stoniness.

 

“Azgeda has not attacked Floukru waters. Azgeda has not put a price on my head. Azgeda has not kidnaped or threatened my lover, who is now dead thanks to you. So tell me, why am I here? Why must I use my warriors as targets meant to wear down an army twice the size of yours and even the playing field?”

“Luna--” Lexa begins.

“They were glass shields out there, Lexa! Exposed. Pointless,” Luna yells, hot tears streaming down her face as the image of seeing Derrick killed in front of her flashes before her eyes.

“What’s going on?” Clarke suddenly says from the door, the guards apologizing for her intrusion. Lexa waves them off.

“Luna and her warriors were attacked just outside of Polis. I’ve had my men posted on the boarder since your return, Clarke, and yet somehow Azgeda managed to ambush and kill two hundred of Luna’s men,” Lexa responds, her words laced with remorse.

Clarke’s brow furrows as she approaches the two women in front of her. They’re in a high-ceilinged room on the top floor of the tower. It’s rather bare considering how ornately decorated the tower usually is. There are floor-to-ceiling windows covering the back wall which Lexa stands in front of, rigidly clasping her hands behind her back. It’s late evening so nothing is visible outside save for the stars. Clarke wonders absentmindedly how much her life has changed since she lived among them.

“How is it that your warriors did not detect Azedga in the woods?” Clarke asks slowly.

“Maybe for the same reason we have yet to hear from Indra,” Lexa responds.

Luna looks between them, putting the pieces together and then hangs her head low in defeat. “You must be joking.”

“Now is not the time,” Lexa says dryly.

“There are traitors amongst us. Trikru and possibly more. Ontari’s reach is vaster than predicted,” Clarke says definitively, connecting the dots out loud.

Lexa swallows thickly, her task as commander just got infinitely harder. Luna, who looks like she’s been crying, remains silent. Clarke is the first to speak again. “So what do we do?”

“We find those who are loyal and imprison the rest. And then, kom wor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kom wor- to war  
> Yu gonplei ste odon- your fight is over  
> Jomp en op- attack  
> Natronas- Traitors   
> Ai hod yu in- I love you  
> Ai hodness – My love


End file.
